A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So I've been with my gf for a few months now. We started to progress things sexually. But it all seems focussed around here really. I spend a lot of time getting her off with fingers / oral, and all the lead up to it to warm her up - paying attention to the whole rest of her body. She seems to enjoy it too, but shes made very little effort to try and think about me. I might get some fondling through underwear, and I have moved her hand down there at times and she seems responsive but then she seems to lose interest (maybe gets too wrapped up in what I'm doing to her). She doesn't then go back to me - when we're done with her rolls over and gives me a hug. I know its a bit harder to get a bloke off with his underwear on and I have suggested I remove them - but she sort of freaked at that idea, and I reassured her sex wasn't on the cards and I just wanted her to pay more attention to me. Next time we were together this didn't seem to make any difference though. How do I get her or encourage her to be more attentive to my needs? If it was the other way around I think I'd be in the wrong - getting myself off and not her. And it just wouldn't seem right to get her off and then start on myself there in front of her... its meant to be a two person thing. Plus I reckon if I did make a move to take my underwear off again she may still freak but I can't enjoy too much and to the extent she does with them on. I just think it'd be a lop-sided given I've fingered her, rubbed her off and given her oral a couple times now. Sex is meant to work for both people and if a woman isn't satisfied people would go nuts at the bloke, so how I do work on her to build up her confidence with me so we can both enjoy this? I appreciate it may take time and thats fine so long as theres progression.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 August 2015):
 So if she IS ready for it, she is ready for a "talk". While I DO agree that sex should NEVER be tit for tat.. I think OP is right in feeling it's uneven here. Yes, girls DO take a lot more effort to get off, but that doesn't mean SHE should be the only one being pleasured.
Talk to her, about what she might be curious about (when it comes to you) and what you would like for her to try (and do to you).
The reason I said she may not be really ready, is that I have seen SO many young ladies post about doing sexual stuff because they are afraid if they don't the guy is going to move on to the next.
So talk to her and then LET her make the next move. Which means... HER turn to do the touching.
She might also wants you to keep your boxers on because she thinks if they come off the chance on penetrative sex might be greater (in which she is right).
A
male
reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (10 August 2015):
She might just be selfish. At university I had an early 20-something g/f when I was 19 who kept saying she 'didn't know what to do' when I'd politely ask for a bit of reciprocation after she'd climaxed through manual stimulation. Finally after several sessions of this over a few weeks I got angry and told her to get out, at which point she smiled and asked if she could stay the night. Things were fine after that for quite a few months until she left me for a dribbling senile wreck of 26. Love is odd, sex is odd, gurlz iz odd. Learning about all three is difficult- do your best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2015): You do realise it is usually much harder for a woman to have an orgasm than a man don't you? I see you're very young and perhaps you may not understand that without the extra attention many women would never irgasm whilst for most men it's garanteed.
If I were to spend the same amount of time on my husband that he spends to help me get off? Let's just say , neither of us could hold down a job
It's not tit for tat. If you would like to try some new stuff with her then talk to her about it but expecting a woman to spend the same time on your 'much more likely garanteed orgasm' than you spend on her ' maybe it will maybe it won't happen orgasm ' seems very immature and is in fact the very reason many women go off sex, because men do not understand how much harder it is for women and don't want to put in the time without some type of 'payment' which is often unrealistic and difficult for her not to mention totally unexesarry for most men . I'm not saying that she should t give anything to you , simply that its a fact of life that a satisfying sexual relationship for both partners usually requires more time spent on the woman and a man who loves his partner and understands women's bodies doe not have his stop watch over and a half way swap over strategy
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2015): OP here: Honeypie. She definitely is ready for all these things - shes directed me and things have progressed a lot faster than I was expecting them to go.
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (9 August 2015):
She might be nervous. I remember when I started having sex and my boyfriend moved my hand down there, and I had no idea what to do so I just froze.That went on for a while as I was too scared of doing something wrong, until I eventually told him that I needed him to show me what he wanted me to do. It was just a simple case of him putting his hand over mine and showing me the best way to touch him. After that it was all go!
However, I agree you need to find out whether or not she's actually ready. If she freaks out about your underwear coming off then it sounds like you are maybe moving a bit too fast for her. I like the idea of you pulling back a bit on the sexual stuff. She will either say nothing and you'll know she's not quite there yet, or she'll ask you about it in which case you can start a conversation about what you both want.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 August 2015):
Maybe she isn't REALLY ready for all this sexual things? But she "lets" you do her to placate you? That way she isn't really "involved" (as you mention she does nothing in return.)
I'd just pull back with the sexual stuff.
I get that you want to please her, that is a good thing. She isn't there yet. (wanting to PLEASE you sexually).
If she then ASKS why the sexual things have stopped - tell her. I do those things for you to enjoy it, but I do feel like it's pretty one sided. I would really like of you could do XVZ to me - but don't do it if you aren't ready for it. IF you aren't ready then we will BOTH wait.
How about that?
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