A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyoneI'm a 23 year old guy and my girlfriend's also 23.Well,to start off with, I got to say I'm probably going through the toughest phase of my life till now. My two year long relationship is in turmoil and I'm really feeling low and devastated. We had a very strong relationship and we used to be the best of friends. When she went through a break-up with her ex,I was the one who supported her throughout and its needless to say she fell for me. We started a healthy, stable relationship in 2009 and things were going just fine until recently when I started noticing that something was wrong. She had, all of a sudden, started giving me the "cold" treatment. She stopped laughing at my jokes, stayed quiet over the telephone for long periods, started answering in a monotone and most importantly, stopped returning my calls and texts instantly, like she did when everything was fine. I used to feel ignored, hurt and neglected. I kept on asking her "What's wrong with you?" to which she said "Nothing..nothing" and avoided the situation. It was on June 16th when I completely lost it and pestered her to tell me the truth as to why she’s being indifferent to me. She got angry and said “Don’t pretend as if you’ve not done something like this before.”After long hours of conversation she said she was not sure of this relationship anymore and that I’ve failed to fulfill her “subtle” expectations. Now, it’s true that I took her for granted and didn’t treat her like the princess she is. She’s extremely emotional like me and was slowly beginning to mentally drift off of the relationship and guess what? I never saw it coming. She said “I’ve been feeling like this for over 5 months”. I asked her “Don’t you love me anymore” to which she said “I don’t know”. I asked her about the future of our relationship and her reply was the same... “I don’t know”. That night I went berserk and kept texting her asking these questions:“Have you totally moved on?” Her reply: “Maybe...” (After a long pause)“Do you want to stay in this relationship? Just come clear, I won’t mind”Her reply: “You don’t have the right to ask that question. You were never there”“Don’t I have any chances of redeeming myself, please??”No replies this time…So she basically felt ignored and started treating me the same way and ever since that day, my life has totally changed. After a week or so, I wrote her a hand-written letter and asked her to come down in front of her house. I handed it to her personally and asked her to read it later. We had a nice little conversation for 15 mins. Her eyes were telling me that nothing was wrong. She even said “missing you too” when I said “missing you” while ending the conversation. Now she didn’t react to the letter at all. I knew she wouldn’t (even if the response was positive) because she’s a very reserved kind of a person and an introvert. We talked normally (mostly through texts), not that frequently though, but it was more like staying in mild contact. I even asked her out a couple of times to which she DIDN’T refuse. However, those meetings didn’t materialize due to her brother’s illness. She also initiated the conversation quite a few times and I was getting “mixed” signals. At times, she was acting coldly and at times she was texting for long hours as if nothing has happened. Now, I grew desperate and couldn’t keep my patience on hold. Last month, I bought gifts and chocolates for her and tried to give them to her while all of us (college friends) were hanging out. She shut me down faster than a “pack of hungry wild dogs on a 3-legged prey” and rejected the gifts. When I asked her the reason, she said “You know why...”..I begged her to give me a 2nd chance to which she said “I don’t want to talk about this” and stormed off. Then we didn’t talk for a few days and again, started the same through texts. I had made up my mind to not talk about these things to her but emotions got the better of me yet again as I was spending sleepless nights thinking about the good times of our relationship. I called her up and literally broke down while confessing everything. I professed my undying love for her, told her how much I had been missing her and how the feeling’s similar to not having my “mother” around to support me. I said: “I won’t beg you, I won’t plead but will you give me a chance to redeem myself? All I want is to make you happy and spend the rest of my life in your arms.”..Her answer was nothing...She was just….silent. She just stayed quiet and listened to what I had to say without uttering a word. I said “I’ll wait for your answer” before hanging up. After that, I felt much relieved that I had finally managed to pour my heart out and make my conscience clear. Again, she didn’t talk for two days and the day before yesterday, she herself initiated a text message conversation and asked me how my mom was doing (since my mom fell ill a few days back) and we talked normally. She didn’t seem upset or angry at all (which I had initially feared) and that’s it till now. I have ABSOLUTELY made up my mind that I’m not going to talk to her about all these anymore. Whatever she decides, I’m not going to pester her anymore. I feel relaxed now and the heavy feeling inside my heart is gone. All of our mutual friends are saying that she’s confused and will take time to decide. I know her the best and I do know this for a fact that she’s quite indecisive at times. I won’t beg, plead or ask her anymore as it might ruin my chances totally. I guess I have nothing more to do now. Oh, by the way, last week I was down with a bronchial infection and when she found out from a mutual friend that my health was not so good, she did text me to ask how I was doing. When I told her about the seriousness of my illness, she said “I’ll call you up in the evening” and to my surprise she did so. Not only that, she also called two days later to catch up with my condition and we talked, laughed and joked over the phone quite normally. The very next day, she went out for some work and went to our college for collecting her pass certificate. While she was returning home, she sent me a text message on her own informing that she had come to college and that she was heading back home after meeting a few friends. I was overjoyed that she was giving these sorts of signals and we are right now in a “mild contact” zone. All I want now is to bolster my chances of receiving a “yes” from her (by being friends) with a definite plan of actions. By the way, I must also inform you that we’re joining the same office a few days later so all I need is your help to get her back forever. I’m willing to keep my patience this time and not mess things up anymore. Time is not a constraint. I’m willing to wait. It’s something worth fighting for. I love her very much and she’s the one for me and she knows it too. I reckon she does feel the same down the deepest corridors of her heart but at this moment, she’s determined to conceal it totally. I went through some e-books and found some of the suggestions and advices highly useful.Please,help me! Thanking youYours sincerely
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, krit +, writes (24 August 2011):
 Don't jump directly to step 6...
as i said before have patience.IN any case follow this modus operandi no matter have desperate you would be feeling now.
Talk to her about it AND let her know that you maybe goin out with your mutual friends. BUT till the last moment dont make anything official.AND then carry on with your plans leaving her behind. It would force her to think about it and then eventually about YOU. "less for MORE" is currency of dating. SO use it wise but never overuse or overspent it otherwise you would yourself go bank-corrupt.
so my advice is take the risk and do it because even if you dont and invite her but then also there's very very less chance for her getting back.
***just a warning***
NEVER misuse any info provided here As it would backfires if not done properly.SO its definitively not for faint hearts.
But if done properly then rewards are waiting for you to say the least.Just like stock markets of now- high risk with responsibility but with high rewards.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): Thanks a lot everybody..One more thing:
My birthday is on the 30th of this month..Shall I ask her out???
If so,then how do I do it so that she can't refuse..or shall I invite a group of friends,including her in the group??
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A
female
reader, mis understood  +, writes (24 August 2011):
You sound like you have a really good heart from what you wrote. At this point you should give her space and time to take in all that you have told her. Im pretty sure she knows you are a good guy who made bad moves in the beginning. BTW, I hope you've learned from your mistakes. The ball is now in her court and absences make the heart grow fonder. Stand up and be the man that she expects from you and in time she will come around. If she moves on you do the same and take it as a lesson learned. Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, krit +, writes (23 August 2011):
Brother it happens with most of people and wid me it was twice. so you are also in the same boat as us. i just skipped many paragraph of your post cuz i can exactly understand that what you really wanna say . I'm more than happy that i avoided that mess in those ugly days which was only deteriorating my life and held my nerves and moved on.AND two years later here i am with "THE GIRL" of my dreams in my arms, NEVER saw it coming and initially actually didn't even wanted to but life had some different plans for me.
My view on your disquiet --
"Yes,indeed you were NEVER there.BUT not because you neglected her and she felt deeper remorse as a result of it.
Everyday life is indeed very harsh so its IMPOSSIBLE to make the other person always feel like "princess" or whatever every single day.YES you should infuse some romance again into here and there by doing some little things for them or noticing or complimenting her for new hair done or her skirt and reminding her that shes still appealing to you. BUT crazy things that we do in beginning of relationship cannot be done every time as then it would be impossible to look into other important areas of life.
LOVE is part of life, LIFE is not part of love. The day you reverse the equation you'll end up in becoming just another alcohol addict ruining your life even more. MOST of guys suggest to never get serous for any chick as they afraid to face this turmoil if the relationship fails but it could be easily avoided and and still we could live with any or every relationship to its fullest by understanding and implementing this very simple law of attraction and dispersion.
IF its a rebound relationship then its NEVER needless to say that they would fall for you no matter who much you supported them. Our friends,colleagues or mates also support us but could you actually FEEL unconditional love based on mutual liking and attraction cuz of this???
yes,WE have warm feeling for what they did so we would like to reciprocate that care but felling those butterflies in your stomach is completely different thing.
SO its was never like it should really have been. SHE could sense it in the the deepest corridors of her heart. SO shes running away you.
HOW to fix it????
1)First and foremost STOP begging to her for taking you back.
2)stop doing and saying those Cinderella story stuff.
Let her miss the good moments of this relationship too.
sometimes suffering itself help to invent its cures.
3)Be friendly but not to win her back.
start from scratch and avoid talkin about good and bad from past.
4)ONCE getting there forget about the outcome and work on building attraction.
mark my words BUILDING attraction. let her come to you.
do what a MAN does to pull a women towards him. read ebook on it.that would make your work little easy.
5)As THIS stage she would be most susceptible to your advances. Take the leap forward and infuse old memories again.Just don't be overbearing and try to bring up every good memory in one setting. Remember to take it slow and be positive the entire time you are speaking with each other to get back the love.
6)Go on casual events.
if you a group of mutual friends are all going to the same event, be sure to invite your ex. Be sure to stress that it is just a casual group of friends getting together as to not put too much pressure on them. In addition, spend some time with your ex, but even more time with the other friends who are a part of the group. This move will leave them wanting more and as long as you keep things light, you very well may find your relationship back on track to get back that love very soon.
feel free to PM me if needed and keep us updated. i am sure you get through this, if i can then you can too.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (23 August 2011):
 Boy you're polite! Never seen a "Thanking you, Yours sincerely" here! But coming back to the subject, I think you have done enough and just let her be now. If she thinks this relationship is worth reviving,she will do it without any perseverance from you. It takes two to be in a relationship, so she should want to be in it as much as you want to.
Sometimes life,work, studies, whatever, takes the better of us and we do tend to focus more on other things. I personally dont think that breaking up is the answer here, because frankly that's a very immature way of dealing with situations. If she had felt that you're not giving her enough time, she could have just told you so. If she felt that you failed to fulfill her “subtle” expectations and she had been feeling that way for 5 months, then that's just silly. I mean, that's expecting a little too much out of someone, right? Why didnt she just tell you this? She cant expect to be waited on hand and foot. She seems like a lot of work really. If you're ok with this, then great. Otherwise, I personally think you've done enough and just cool off a bit.
Don't get overly dramatic about things. You've now started rationalizing about how much she loves you from "the deepest corridors of her heart" but is "determined to conceal it". Seriously, you need to stop dissecting every single move and action of her's. At 23 you have your entire life and career ahead of you. Focus on the bigger picture.
All the best to you.
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