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female
age
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anonymous
writes:My husband's choice of clothing has got scruffier and scruffier and I find it embarrassing being out and about with him. As well as that, he doesn't change with the seasons any more as he used to, but wears long sleeved shirt, trousers, thick socks, a jumper and a jacket on hot days and on the beach and if it's the slightest bit wet, even in summer, he sticks a coat on top of all that. He has only been like this in the last 3 years or so. He used to wear shorts more, and sandals and polo shirts but he's always so buttoned up all the time. It's not because he isn't warm enough. He thinks clothes don't matter. Maybe they don't in the great scheme of things but I want him back the way he was. If I talk about it he gets angry. What can I say so that he won't get angry? How can I get him looking as nice as he used to? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (15 July 2008):
 I think some issues can't be solved if you drop hints. If his way to dress disturbs you, tell him directly.
I'm afraid, however, that he wil stick to his style. And maybe it wouldn't be a good idea for you to insist on this. He will say that he has a right to dress the way he wants, and I'm afraid he's right.
A
male
reader, agonyunclechris +, writes (15 July 2008):
 hey.
first you need to understand why is he covering himself up?
maybe its insecurities over his body?
maybe he is cold lol
the reason he wont wear new striking this seasons clothes? maybe he doesnt like attention but doesnt realise this way he gets more.
well if i was you i would go and get him some new clothes that he will like. but dont tell him your a scruff put these on. you could always make he feel guilty into putting the new clothes on. and eventually he will start to like them? say like i spent hours finding some stuff you like babe.
hope you manage to sort it
chris =]
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (15 July 2008):
 My husband has the fashion sense of a two year old. Unfortunately he also spills on his clothes as well. He loves to garden but forgets to change out of his good clothes to do it. You don't want my laundry nightmares believe me. He'll ask me if I'm ready to go to the store and then will walk out of the house wearing a coffee stained shirt with a ripped pair of shorts and black socks and white running shoes. I feel your pain.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): I call myself Pat and am the person who posted the question but i can't see how to post a response to the answers I had, so am doing the wrong thing by filling in this box. Anyway... I was so touched to have 3 answers so quickly and they all made me laugh so much, at least I am cheered up. None of you thought I was just fussing over a tiny thing that didn't matter. Thing is, I couldn't throw any of his clothes out. He would be too angry and hurt. He hates things being chosen for him. I once bought him a pair of shoes, even without throwing out his horrible trainers first, and he was really huffy for days. He doesn't find stuff like getting your clothes thrown in the sea funny. I think he's got too "stiff upper lip". I WILL try to look at old holiday photos and try to get him to re-stock cool stuff for this year's holiday. We both work in different towns so I don't get any control over what he buys. I don't think I've got the personality either to dare to go out in a weird combination of things, but thought that was a hilarious idea. Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): Stop the talk-talk, he's a man, he dosen't understand. He's covering up himself because he feels insecure and adequate about himself. Well stuff that. You want back the man you married, and I want you to get him back too.
If he wears jackets on the beach, ask him to give it to you and then throw it in the sea. Tell him you want to see his body because it turns you on. Besides you need him to get a tan.
Emily is perfectly right, you need to grab this problem and this man by the scruff of the neck. Think of him as a naughty child who has no sense and just take control. Men have no fashion sense, so who cares what he thinks looks good. Ask him for some money, or get some money of your own. You want him changed, so you should pay something towards his transform "from scruff - to buff"....
Throw out all his clothes, and then replace them with things you like better. He might get a little upset, give him a couple of peices to keep, then he will think he's in control. Kiss him and use baby talk "I love my little bunny rabbit and I want him to look good. I don't like these clothes, I want to help you get some more." Take of the shirt and trouses he is wearing and throw them in the bin. Repeat this action untill all his clothes are thrown away.
You've talked the talk, now walk the walk. You married a hunky young man, how dare he change and get old.
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female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (15 July 2008):
 I would try to make it humorous... like... put on a very disturbing combination of clothing when you are going out, or different color shoes, or don't brush your hair (I don't know if you shame easily lol). And when he stares or says something say, don't worry honey cloths/appearance is not that important, no one will notice! But you need to try to do it a couple of times and remember not to get into a big argument about it, you are just trying for him to understand your point, not to get mad.
So it wouldn't go something like:
He: What the heck do you have on?
You: Don't worry honey cloth is not that important!
He: Here you come again with the same thing...
You: Well now you understand how I feel, you always dressing scruffy and making me look bad and blah blah blah
Playful answer: Don't you like my color combination? Do you want me to change? It's really comfy and I am sure I'll get a few good stares! LOL
And then you change and might have a heart to heart as to how you feel, try to avoid how you want him to change. Let him figure that out himself. Just reminiscence on old times, maybe take a few albums out and tell him how cute he looked and how you loved it when he used X clothing.
Bottom line: try to take it away from nagging and into could you please me once in a while... you look hot in these other clothes and I love to see you in them.
Hope it helps!
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (15 July 2008):
A wise woman (well it was "my big fat greek wedding" actually) once said that the man is the head of the family but the woman is the neck. The neck can twist the head any way she wants to.
Don't tell him he's scruffy and should smarten up. Just smarten him up without him noticing. Buy him new clothes, tell him you saw it in a shop and knew he'd look gorgeous in it. When you see a well dressed man on TV tell him how that would / wouldn't suit him. I say things to my hubbie like "He doesn't suit that suit, he hasn't got the shoulders for it. You'd look good in that because you have a really nice broad body..." then give him a squeeze. It gives him ideas.
Get rid of his older more horrible things by replacing them and then tell him you are going through and putting older stuff in the charity shop. De cluttering is good for the mind.
As for him being buttoned up all the time, just walk past, kiss him, cuddle him and undo a button, or what ever needs doing. I'm sure you know the look to give him to tell him you think he's good looking.
If you make him feel good when he looks good he's more likely to put the effort in. There has to be an incentive and I'm sure as his wife you the best placed woman in the world to know how to do that.
Good Luck!! xx
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