A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Okay im 16 years old and im 190 pounds. im also only 5 foot 3 so its even worse. i dont even know why but i really want to have a boyfriend but of course no guy wants to go out with me. im not even ugly, my eyes are pretty big and hazel brown, i have long dark hair and my skin is pretty good. my fashion style doesnt show many bulges cause most of my clothes just fit properly but guys cant get over my body. with a lot of my guy friends i always think why they are with their gf when their gfs r just plain idiots. ya their hot, their cheerleaders, but they are always in silence and its like, seriously. when i look at guys i look at clothes and personality, but for guys i fail their first " test ". its ridiculous. how do i get a bf? and one that is not bothered by my body shape? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 February 2011):
 Ok, let's dispose first of all the usual banalities : Beauty is only skin deep. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. What counts is personality . Etc. etc.
I am not being cynical, I do believe all of the above. And luckily, everyday life proves me right; it's not just the attractive people who find a mate. Tons of unattractive or moderately attractive people are coupled. Fat,short,bald,thick glasses, crooked teeth,bad skin, you name it- nobody is perfect, and most everybody at some point find someone to be with. Of course the more attractive you are by our society standards, the more offers you get and the wider is your selection- but it does not mean that your weight dooms you to lifelong aloneness.
That's not the point , though, and I would not want you to focus on this point albeit it might be comforting for you.
The point is,forget about boys and focus on yourself. Frankly, yours sounds like an unhealthy weight for your age and height. You are only 16 now, but if you keep this weight in future your problem won't be that guys don't ask you out, your problem will be that you may develop diabetes, heart trouble, metabolic unbalances, and you'll wreak havoc on your joints, just to name a few of many complications. Go see a doctor, and/or a nutritionist, and start a supervised program. You'll kill two birds with a stone- you'll protect your future health and you'll attract more male attention too.
A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (10 February 2011):
 "i dont even know why but i really want to have a boyfriend"
I know why - everyone wants someone. Nothing to be ashamed of there.
"my eyes are pretty big and hazel brown, i have long dark hair and my skin is pretty good. my fashion style..."
This means that, if you slim down, you'll have a competitive advantage over other girls. However, they will not do it on their own. More on that in a minute.
"i always think why they are with their gf when their gfs r just plain idiots."
Possible. At your age, being hot generally trumps brains - but some girls act dumber in public than they actually are. There's a whole host of psychology behind that which I don't yet understand well enough to get into.
"how do i get a bf? and one that is not bothered by my body shape?"
You know the answer to the first question, which is why you ask the second. Truth is, the number of fat girls is much, much greater than the number of fat fetishists out there. Finding one is a matter of luck, and you'd still have to compete with other fat girls for his attention. Additionally, you would not have any options to speak of, and would have to just take whoever fell into your lap, whatever his flaws, or stay single.
The truth is, losing the weight would be faster, easier, and better for your physical and emotional health than trying to snag a fat fetishist. More importantly, it would put control back in your hands, rather than leaving you subject to your own luck.
As you pointed out, you have good physical features to work with - losing the weight would make those features shine, rather than hiding them. Being short is not bad either, lots of guys dig short chicks (I know I do). Your body may not be the only issue - personality does matter, too. The drive and self-discipline it takes to lose weight are very useful, attractive qualities which guys will respect.
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A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (10 February 2011):
 Well first thing first - you need to make sure you are a healthy weight. At your height and weight you need to go down to reach a healthy medium. Although right now at your age your shape still looks ok, in a few years the cellulite/bulges will be more obvious. Concurrently, your body will begin to struggle with the weight you have - diabetes, high blood pressure, joint pains, back problems all might start in your 20's. Really, you need to do this for yourself and for your future. Try hiring a trainer at the gym and working with a manageable workout routine. You can do it!Second, men are very visual creatures. A healthy weight, with curves in the right places, is highly attractive to their primal brain center. As the saying goes, men fall in love first with their eyes. They have to be attracted, they have to see that their partner is healthy (which potentially you might not be in a few short years) and can pass on these genes/healthy habits to his offspring. There is a great deal psychological research out there on this very topic.Its all instinct really, in study after study men rate attraction as the number one factor which draws them to their partner. For women its personality. The key now is to put your focus off of boys and what they like and start working on yourself. Making sure you are healthy, eating right and happy. The boys thing will figure itself out with time. Educate yourself and make sure you are eating right, getting lots of exercise and sleep, these should be your areas of prime focus at your age. Hope things get better, 16 is young and you have your whole life ahead of you. Make sure you start it out right. Big hug :)
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A
male
reader, 1000lies1000sorrys +, writes (10 February 2011):
 ok to me you sound like a very very cute girl. the thing is that most guys judge girls by the way they look and not by their personality like i do.p.s. i wish you the best of luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): I know its hard. I was always the wierd nerdy girl growing up. I mean just because i would rather play with dinosaurs then barbies or look at thing under my microscope guys didnt like me. I was also kind of an introvert but once i changed my outlook guys did too. Im not the slimist or the prettiest but i took the intiative and made myself belive that i was. i started wearing differnt clothes (i was always abit of a country girl so i used to ware old worn out stuff torn jeans and boots) i made myself feel more attractive and somehow i was.
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