A
female
age
30-35,
*urplecloud03
writes:I left my boyfriend 4 days ago because we had been having a rough time for the past few months as in it was a one sided relationship in that i was putting in all the effort. The week before I left him he told me he realised how much of a jerk he was being to me and told me he wanted to change so I said I would give it a month to see how I felt seeing as I had breaking up with him on my mind. So it lasted a week and I ended things because I'm confused about how I feel. To make it worse I met another guy who happens to be my brother's best mate and is 4 years older than me (I'm 18) and he has been treating me the way I've always wanted to be treated and I have started to fall for him. Since the breakup my now ex has been really depressed and been saying he is really sorry and understands why I left him but really wants to try and fix things and that I'm the only girl he will ever love and it hurts so much to think he has lost me. We have agreed to keep talking and stay friends and I went to see him today because no one else has been talking to him and he cried because he missed me so much.I don't know how to deal with it all and what to do. This new guy is one of the sweetest guys I've met and treats me with respect and love but my ex had started to do that before I left him. I'm worried that the feelings I have for this new guy aren't real.How do I figure it out and what should I do?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (12 December 2008):
 I think with your new guy he is just filling the gap that your ex has left, he's treating you the way you want your ex to treat you so right now I imagine he seems like the man you have dreamed of being with! But it is too soon after you have split up with your ex, you are right not to trust your feelings for this new guy.
If your ex was your first true love then you have to give yourself time to get over him, jumping into the next relationship will be a huge mistake. If it was really love then you should not be even considering getting with another guy, it seems like maybe you realised your relationship was over some time ago and you are already over it?
First you need to decide how you are feeling about your ex. Do you still love him? Do you want to get back with him? Or do you want to move on and meet new men? Do you think your ex can really change or do you think if you got back together it would go back to how it was before and you would be unhappy again?
From my perspective, you went with your gut feelings that you wanted to split up with him. That says a lot, if you feel like that then you have to stand by your decision.
I know it seems like the right thing to do by staying friends with your ex but you are only hurting him more. As long as you are friends he will think he has a chance of getting you back. So if you dont want to be with him any more then you need to cut contact for a few months, let each other have some space to move on and get over it all, then maybe see if you can be friends after some time has passed.
But if you are still not sure then you need to ask youself this;does splitting up with him feel like a mistake? If yes, then give your relationship and your ex another chance. If no, and you feel deep down that you did the right thing, then move on and let your ex move on too.
good luck!
A
female
reader, purplecloud03 +, writes (12 December 2008):
purplecloud03 is verified as being by the original poster of the question P.S we had been together for 2 years.. my first real love.
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