A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys I am single but in love with a married man. We have sex once in a month. I am not sure about his feelings. Sometimes he says he has feelings for me and sometimes says he don't have. He has one other girlfriend also which I came to know recently. Now I have decided to move on and find a single guy. My married boyfriend says that I am cheating him after making life long promises with him. I am feeling guilty, what should I do? He calls me only once in 15 days. I am not allowed to call him. He don't spend friendly time with me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): Forget this guy,
He is a cheater and a manipulater and is just using you for his excitemeent and sexual needs.
Do not believe anything he is promising to you. He has a wife and another gf that you know about, big chance he has more gf (if you ask he will deny).
Honestly you are aware that he is married and after you've found out that he is also seeing other women, you start to become worried...
Cut your feelings for this cheater and realize that you will be better of behaving more pure for the future.
Only a pure start will bring longterm goodluck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): Babes, it would be a good idea to update your post and say that you have heard us and taken our suggestions on board, otherwise I think the letters will continue.....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): You have mug written all over you, you are just another port of storm, somewhere for him to gratify himself, somewhere to empty his load, sorry to be so harsh but that is the facts,he has others and you are just another number when he isn't busy elsewhere, are you proud of your life and the way you live it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): You were both living in a dirty sleazy world having an affair with a married man how can cheats and liars ever know what the real meaning of truth and love is, lie to someone and expect to get lied to you knew he was married yet went behind his wifes back he was not your boyfreind he was an affair you were having, he had a wife, how could he be your boyfreind, you have been cheap and nasty, maybe one day you will fall in love and trust someone. then find out he is cheating behind your back and say it is ok she is my girlfreind
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): This scenario is ridiculous. I can believe that you are actually considering hanging around for a married guy that thinks you're 3rd best and at most has time for 1-2 calls plus sex once a month. So thats like 2hrs a month with this guy...In other words 24hrs a year?! So he spends 1 day a year with you and 364 days with his wife and gf. Someone that loves u and has 'long term' plans with you will NOT treat u like this whatever excuse he has!!!
WALK AWAY from this situation right now...tell him its over and that u can do better! I'm sure u know u deserve more than this. Think of this as a learning curve and dont be manipulated by someone like this again.
Best of luck!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): Babes, I'm sorry.. I know you didn't expect so many strong answers, but you've gone and created a firestorm....
He made promises too, he is married, he promised his wife to be faithful and love her forever. Your sleeping with a cheat, and you don't seem to care about that. Please forget about promises, he doesn't keep them, so why should you. Don't sleep with married men, he has a wife at home, who trusts him and would be so hurt if she knew about you. Remove yourself from this situation, your sleeping with another woman's guy and that ain't good, this whole thing is very tacky and that's why everyone is getting upset. This is so wrong, we're upset cause you just don't seem to see it. This guy is using you for sex, and he doesn't care about you at all...
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): I don't understand what you are feeling guilty about?
Listen, you knew that what you were doing was something that was wrong. So you did something about it. You dumped this guy! Now he states you are cheating?! (it sure sucks to be him , doesn't it..lol)
What gall..what nerve he has! He tells you how he feels about you finding someone else, but yet, he still chooses his marriage and another girlfriend, essentially over you. Let me explain, all us gals want a monogomous , happy relationship that will lead to something permanent, in our lives. Or even at best, something long lasting and mutually loving. He was boinking another woman on the side, and likely his wife. So all along he was perfectly willing to cheat on you, his wife and this other gf. So that tells me, he was perfectly willing to lose you. If he was willing to lose you, then he didn't love you. He had no right, to say what he did, because he simply liked the convenience of having you there at his beck and call. So he made these big, insincere false promises to you. He lied. So drop the guilt, and learn to be stronger so this man's lies don't come between you and your healthy focus, on finding someone, you can have a future with. You are following the path of honesty, here. Save your gift of love for a man who loves you; one you can love and respect, one who gives you back the same. --not a cheap affair with a loser, who calls you once a month for a roll in the hay.
So drop the guilt, once and for all. Heal, recover. No contact ever again with this married man. Keep heading in the 'right' direction here, dear. You've walked away and that opens the door to other wondeful possibilities--to your fulfillment and to the promise of the new year...and a much happier life, for YOU.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): Dear Poster
Start loving yourself. Stop wasting your time with this guy. You should start by making a doctors appointment and have yourself tested for diseases and AIDS; who knows what he might have and might spread around; if he is sleeping with more then one women there is always a risk. Think about your heath first.
Secondly, if you are prepared to be happy with the left overs that he is giving you, continue with this relationship and be loyal to him; but that will be foolish; there is no happy future or happy ending; he will just waste more of your time; stop seeing him, stop all contact with him;
Get a clean bill of health and start a new life without him; start going out with other guys and find somebody that is all yours; somebody that you don't have to share.
Stop worrying about him and his demands and think about yourself and your future. He does not deserve to be part of it; but it is your life and your choice. Do what is best for you and your happiness.
Surely you don't want to live like this for the rest of your life?
Even if he moves in with you tomorrow, you will never be able to trust or respect him; think carefully; you have one life and make the best of it while you can to find the happiness and companionship of somebody that can share life with you.
Best wishes and lots of smiles.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): Hey guys, slow down, I want a turn....
You present as aged 22-25 (overage) and currently living in Canada. Are you really as dumb as you sound here. You can't be that naive, but you must if you think that this guy really cares about you at all...
HE HAS A WIFE, she comes first, then he has another GIRLFRIEND, she comes second, your way down on his list. Your not the girlfriend or the wife, your the girl he has sex with and calls when he can remember. Of course he doesn't want you to run off, your part of his harem, your one of his girls. You've been put on earth to wait for him and have sex with him when he gets the time. Wait around, spend another 10years with him, and you might get to be second in line, whilst he picks up another five girls to have sex with and join his merry crew...
Don't you have any respect for yourself. This guy has sex with you, sex with his girlfriend and sex with his wife. You get second hand love and you think that your doing something wrong, by wanting a man of your own.
Sit there feeling guilty and bad, cause of course this is normal. Most women in life share their men, most women are content to wait to hear from a guy once a fortnight and have sex once a month.
Girl you are dumb, if you have to ask for permission to be happy with someone else... The answer is RUN AWAY QUICKLY, how did you ever get yourself into a situation where you come last and feel guilty for wanting more with somebody decent......
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A
female
reader, pepper27  +, writes (12 December 2008):
 Hunny
Your seeing a married man, Who has another g/f????
He sees you for sex once a month in-between his other g/f and making time for the wife I guess. Your not allowed to phone him (reasons there are obvious)And he phones you once every 15days to keep you just that little bit interested ..My point in writing the obvious down?
To let you read and hopefully realise what a waste of time this is....
My advise WALK AWAY!!!!!!
He will never be happy, He isn't happy in his marriage he isn't happy with you and he isn't happy with his other g/f..He just want to get laid as much as possible with whomever is there love. As emporessmystique says RUN DON'T WALK OUT OF THIS PERSONS LIFE AS QUICK AS YOU CAN... Forget what he says about you cheating he is a prize prick that's why he uses his so much....TAKE CARE WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): Walk away from a jerk like that, what he wants is to keep you, he has trained you well. You do not cause him any problems, such as, call his house, drive by his house, call him on off hours that can get him caught. You follow all of his rules. So, if he had to get a new one (which he will), she may not follow the rules as well as you do, which could get him caught and destroy his marriage. Go buy him a blow up doll and tell him "This one is safe and she will never talk or walk away".
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (12 December 2008):
 hee hee Uncle Phil, well said.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (12 December 2008):
 I am pretty much the same as your married guy although perhaps marginally less stupid and I hope a little nicer. My advice, find a nice single guy. If your married man has any real love for you he should be happy to see you getting in to a situation in which you have a chance at happiness and someone to call your own. If he can't see that then he isn't worth your time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): I think you should stay faithful to him! I mean, what right do you have to be seeking a single guy? You've committed yourself to the married guy and a promise is a promise, right? No wonder you're feeling guilty. He's really being good to you by calling you once every two weeks and using you for sex once a month. Aren't you satisfied with this generosity? You should be very grateful.
It's no good asking us what you should do - and if I were you I'd ask his wife for guidance. After all, she probably knows him better than anyone.
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