A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a friend I've known for several years. She has a very frustrating habit in which she will set a day with me to meet up, and then not show up. I really don't understand how you can simply disregard to tell a person you are not coming and let them wait.The strange part is, we don't see each other often and when we do get together, she always tells me what a great time she has had. But then there are those other times, where it's a half hour past the time she was meant to arrive, and I have to hunt her down by phone and ask if she is running late--to which she will cheerfully say that she can't make it and hasn't left at all, but she hopes to see me as soon as possible.I really don't get this. Sending me a text saying she can't come is all I need. It's like she figures I will just telepathically know she isn't coming!How do I deal with this?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A +, writes (9 February 2017):
 I think this friendship is based and run on her terms and that you may depend on having her friendship more than she depends on having yours if you keep putting up with her disregard for you.
Obviously there’s no genuine consideration whatsoever when someone says; she can't make it and hasn't left at all... I believe you’re at her beck and call; as she sets a day to meet up knowing you’ll be enthusiastic and then breaks it for reasons that are unacceptable to be called a friend.
Ask yourself what type of friend is she to you, how does having this friendship benefit either of you; can you rely on her for a shoulder to cry on, is she a fair weather friend – superficial or is it one-sided selfish?
You deal with this so called friendship by letting it fade out into the distance. I don't think she'd understand or change significantly if you were to do the same to her.
Take Care - CAA
A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (9 February 2017):
Stop making plans with her.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 February 2017):
 I'd do what Youcannotbeserious suggests or you can be classy and listen to Honey and Tish but what's the fun in that?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (8 February 2017):
 I think you SHOULD keep making plans - but do the same as she does and simply don't turn up. Sooner or later she will actually turn up and phone you and you can cheerfully say "Sorry, couldn't make it, but hope to see you soon".
But then rudeness and lack of consideration bring out the vindictiveness in me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2017): I have a friend who will cancel on the day, every single time. Now i don't make plans with her. It's a really selfish attitude to have, to not show up and not tell you.
What a strange person.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (8 February 2017):
 This "friend" is a time-bandit. A time bandit is someone that ignores you and wastes your time. There is a certain amount of tie you have been granted in this life. Don't let some goofball steal any of if from you. Forget her!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 February 2017):
 Yep, I'm with Tisha.
I'd stop putting in an effort just like SHE doesn't put in an effort.
I'd then focus on friend you can rely on.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 February 2017):
 Stop making plans with her.
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