A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm 22, married and having a baby in 6 weeks time. My father died a year and a half ago and at the time myself and husbands rent was raised sky high meaning we temporarily needed to move home for a few months however the few months turned into 15 months. I first moved out when I was 19 for a year . I got married last summer and was meant to move out during that summer but stayed until now. I've moved out 2 weeks ago and can't over leaving my mother. My mother never wanted us to leave , I guess In reality it's why I stayed so long , I always dreaded the day I had to tell her I was moving out because she is incredibly soft never liked the quiet and I've always took her feelings into account because I know in my heart what she is like. She is an amazing mother friend and has treated me so well all my life and gave me an amazing childhood. Rather than moving out and getting a nice house with a double bed , I stayed for 15 months in a single bed with my husband , 7 of those months I was pregnant, but I did it because I didn't want to upset her as my mother is so special to me and never wanted to be alone . Since I moved out all I do is think of her cry about her wondering what she is doing at the current moment. I can't ring her sometimes because I know I'll cry. I live an hour and a half away from her. When I needed to tell her I was moving out I walked away and cried and couldn't tell her, it took many attempts until I could finally tell her. I've had the house since December but didn't move in for four weeks because I couldn't tell her I was leaving her alone. When I moved out at 19 it wasn't hard or as difficult as I find it now. Lately I watch the news because I know she's watching it at home, I never watch the news until now, same as I listen now to her favourite radio station , I've even started eating porridge for my breakfast knowing she's eating it at home too :( what is wrong with me ? I'm 22 and know I need to be here for my precious baby and can't be living at my mothers, but I feel guilty for letting her on her own in the house. Is it normal to feel so bad or upset moving out from a parent ? I feel so childish. It's her first time ever that she will be living alone , she got married at 21 and me siblings and my dad all through the years, I was the last to go and feel so guilty . I know we all visit now and again but I can't help thinking how she must feel all these nights alone. It's hard as I am also very soft like her and worry about her. Can someone offer advice or tell me my reaction is normal? I see people half my age anxious to get out of home but for me it was so difficult and it is still affecting me. I have to think of my husband and baby now but I feel so sad for her.
View related questions:
moved out Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, deirdre +, writes (19 February 2017):
I remember your previous questions about your situation at the time. Is there a particular reason why you are living 1.5 hours away from your mother? Could you have found a house closer to her? Is there any reason why you and your husband couldnt have a double bed in another bedroom in your mothers house? I remember you werent working so I am wondering what is drawing you to the area you live in now. Sorry for so many questions but in order to find a solution you need to work out what is stopping you from living near/with your mother.
When the baby is born you will need support, is your husbands family around to help? It sounds like you are isolated where you are now and this is not good when you are pregnant but especially after having a baby. You need to get out and socialise somewhat, even if it is just greeting dog walkers in the park as you go for a short stroll. Please keep us updated, it sounds like you could benefit from advice x
A
female
reader, Victoriaconfused  +, writes (9 February 2017):
I think it's great that you have a close relationship ship with your mom. My mom left when I was three, we have had a very distant relationship since. I think it's cute that you miss her so much
...............................
A
female
reader, mishi 1  +, writes (9 February 2017):
 I have same situation. I am 38 years old and never been marry. I cant leave my mom. I am still hoping to find a guy who dont have issue if my mom live with us.
All my siblings are married.
I dont have that corrage to leave my mom.
All my siblings are married.
I dont have that corrage to leave my mom. You dont have to feel guilty if your mom is healthy and can servive with out you. I believe parents are beautiful gift from God for us. No one love us the way they do.
Just be there for her when she is in need. If possible try if she can live with you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2017): Finally I can say that there's someone I can relate too. I am the youngest out of the set and I was married 2 years ago and have a baby with my husband.The day of my wedding all i can remember thinking to myself was how am i going to live without my mom by my side everyday. my mother is the sweetest most caring woman ever. she always made everything seem so easy and never let me know she's tired. one thing that i remember so well was that she always wanted time to just sit and chat with me about my day, about my job, about things that made me happy.when i moved out and went to live with my husband all i remember was the hurt my mom felt and seeing her cry made me think to myself how can i do such a thing. i love my mother more than anything. she has my dad by her side but yet she still craves to be with her kids.my two sisters are also married and we each have 1 child. im the lucky one to have the boy in the set and i make it my duty to visit my mom regular, call her daily and let her know she is the best mom a girl could ever ask for. i hope one day my child feels the same about me and that i can be a great mom just as my mom is and will always be.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2017): Why don't you invite your mom to stay with you? :)
...............................
A
female
reader, mishi 1 +, writes (9 February 2017):
You don't have to feel guilty if your mom is healthy and can survive with out you. I believe parents are beautiful gift from God for us. No one love us the way they do.Just be there for her when is in need.
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (9 February 2017):
 OP I'm 33 and very much like you!! My mother has been my best friend and the best, most amazing mother than anyone can ask for. She means more to be than anyone ever can and the bond that I share with her can never ever be explained.
Although I've lived and studied outside since I was 21, nothing has changed. I talk to get numerous times a day, I would come home whenever I got the chance and now that I'm married, I still come to her whenever I can. She's the first person I talk to when I get up in the morning and my husband has grown to accept this! :)
Now that I have a 3 month old baby, my mother is doing absolutely everything for her and is more of a parent to my daughter than me! All I do is feed her and then my mom takes over!
I am not looking forward to the fact that I have to go back to my husband soon and be away from my mom but then I can always come visit. I worry about her as well but I keep in touch on the phone throughout the day. Nothing is ever going to change for me and I want my mom to be just as important an influence in my daughter's life as well.
We are both very lucky OP. Very very few people have this kind of a beautiful relationship with their mother. Don't feel bad about not being with her; cherish her, spend time with her whenever you can and allow her to be a part of your baby's life. Trust me, the can be no greater joy for her than to be a doting grandma:)
...............................
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (8 February 2017):
 Of course your feelings are normal, especially as you approach motherhood yourself. You MUST reinitiate contact. I don't care what problems or situations led you to being estranged, now is the time to get back together . You're about to be a mother and she a grandmother. For the sake of your sanity and the future of your child by all means give her the gift of a grandchild and a rebirth of your relationship as mother and child. How would you feel if years from now your child(if you were to have a girl) had a baby and didn't even tell you?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2017): There's nothing wrong with you. You're precious! You're the most wonderful daughter a mother could ever have. It is so refreshing to read a post from someone who really adores her parents. However; it is time to grow-up and move on.
Every-time I go home to my family, who lives several states away; I can barely walk-out the door when it's time to leave. I can't leave without a heavy heart, and I feel homesick for several days after returning to my own home.
Then I pull it back together, and its back to my normal routines.
Skype her and send her updates of the baby on Facebook; so she has something to look forward to. Call her everyday and discuss the news and current events. Just maintain regular contact. Mother is an adult, and she realizes you have to leave the nest to start your own family. She's okay.
Mother's Day must be better than Christmas in your family's house! Your mother is a very fortunate woman, and you are very lucky to have someone who has set such a perfect example for you as a mom. She is fine and hasn't a thing to worry about. You haven't abandoned her. You've filled her heart. Distance makes no difference.
God bless you both!
...............................
|
