A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a serious relationship with a guy for over a 1 1/2 on an off. There have been times where things were good. Then there were times where he did not want me and I wanted him and vice a versa. Long story short this guy i am dating is in the military he is getting stationed in Korea. The thing with him is he has player ways in my terms. He has a lot of female friends and he went on vacation and stayed with a female. one female he sent flowers to because it was her birthday.He also went on a dating website. he was confronted. And that is just part of what he has done in the past. I forgave him and in july we had a bad break up. He left me. I begged him to stay he would not. He reached out a month or so later we got back together in October he told me that he liked someone and he she basically rejected him. So, he left me for her and if I would have known that I would have just left him alone. Every time he has done something I would ignore him to get away. The thing that I find so unfair is he will go up to my job I work in a public place anyone can come but I work in make-up. So, he comes up to my job and I will be fine emotionally after the break up then he comes out of know where again. He has left items on my car when we break up, well things i left at his house. Now, since October I have not felt the same he has hurt me so bad that I cannot let him in again. I forgave him but I did not want anything to do with him. So, he will keep bothering me until I come around him again. Hes also getting stationed in Korea, I also do not want to be with him because of that. I would have to marry him I do not see myself as married to him. I am in school working towards my law degree I would have to find a new school and everything, I would give up my family and friends. I do not know how to get away from this guy I have been at the job for 7 years they work with my school schedule well. I would have gotten away fro this guy if I did not work in a public place. He often does things that I do not like to make me jealous or upset. I honestly, do not like him nor love him the way I used to I just do not know how I can get away from him.The thing is he kept hurting me over and over again. I told him how can we rebuild what we once had I am not willing to put in the time or effort for this guy. I have tried ghosting him, breaking up with him. I just do not know what to do or how to get away from him without getting attached again.
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flowers, got back together, jealous, military, player Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2017): I think you have some self-esteem issues if you let a man treat you like that for so long.
I also think that you are addicted to the drama.
I think the most important thing for you to figure out is why you kind of enjoy being treated badly by men, and why you enjoy letting him repeatedly beg his way back into your heart. Maybe you like him having to grovel to win you back? For his part he enjoys the chase, then cuts the rope when he actually has you.
Until you sort out why you are attracted to toxic men, you will not be able to lead a happy life.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 February 2017):
 Block him? From your phone (do consider getting a new phone number) and from you social websites. Before you block LET him know you are 100% done and that you want nothing further to do with his, wish him well and then you block delete, unfriend, ignore... whatever YOU need to do in order for HIM not having access to you anymore.
MAKe the effort here. No one else can do it for you.
YOU know the relationship isn't healthy.
He will be out of the country for at least 2 years. That way he can't show up where you work. And he will be plenty busy in Korea.
Also DELETE his contact info from YOUR end so you don't end up getting nostalgic or curious and contact him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2017): You both have an addiction to each other and the drama it creates. All you have to do is put your foot down, and go cold-turkey just like you would if you were addicted to a narcotic. The withdrawal is tough, but he keeps coming around to give you a fix, like a dealer. To keep you hooked.
Ask him not to come to your job. You can report him to his Commanding Officer for that. He's enlisted and has to abide by the military code of conduct; and he is not allowed to harass civilians. If you must do it, do it. Otherwise; don't request advice you will not use. You already know what you have to do. No one can wave a magic wand and make him go away for you.
You're an adult, so assert yourself accordingly. Enough with the childish cat and mouse games of chasing and being chased. He's going to Korea, which means out of sight out of mind; but you have to tap into your maturity and stop handling things like a lovesick teenager.
Inform him it is over for good. If he can't stay away from your job, you will contact his base command and report him to his commander. Then stick to it and use some self-control and restraint. You're not a child anymore, and acting as though you have no control over what you say and do is going to get you into a heap of trouble. Men will walk all over you.
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