A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have discovered my boyfriends profile on a dating website and I am so angry. Have been with my boyfriend for 2 years - we met on the internet and then for 18 months we met up every weekend minimum our relationship got deeper. I have now been living with him for the last 3 months having re-located and put some of my stuff into storage. Re-wind the clock - a short while into our relationship I found out he was still on the dating website we had met on - one of my friends also used it and she found his active profile. I had words with him and he removed it making the excuse that he was just being nosey. However it did leave me feeling upset but he assured me he was not on any others so I let it go. It was his birthday a couple of weeks ago and I bought him a tablet. As he's not very techy I offered to download some apps for him and set up his email on it - no problems at that point. However, when I had just shown him his email app his mobile phone went and he handed me the tablet with his email account open so he could answer it. I went to switch off the tablet but noticed one of the recent emails in his inbox was from a well known online dating website suggesting a new profile he might like. I scrolled down and there were more - mainly suggesting profiles he might like. Shocked, I switched the tablet off. I left it a couple of hours to cool myself down but then confronted him. He said it was from ages ago, before he knew me and it was just spam. I said he had told me that he had not been on any others but he just kept repeating it was nothing and he wasn't lying to me. I wanted to believe him but last night I couldn't sleep so I decided to check the tablet. I went to the emails and clicked on one and then clicked through as if I was interested in one of the profiles. It took me straight into his dating profile account. I looked at what he had written about himself - his age was his current age. He hadn't put a picture on there. His profile mentioned a lot of things that are current in terms of hobbies. He also put said he tends to try to go for petite sporty women and that 'he doesn't know what he wants but is open to finding out' however he had also put that he is learning to drive. That has been the real give-away that this has been happening since we got together. When I first met my boyfriend he could not drive. I encouraged him and even gave him money for some of his lessons. He started learning about a year ago (one year in to our relationship)and passed about 5 months ago as he failed the test first time so took a break from lessons etc. This morning I have held it together and I casually asked him whether he had tried to learn to drive just before we got together but he said no and that it was way back in 2001 when he had previously had lessons - so that is 13 years ago. Typing this I feel sick to my stomach. I realise this guy has been using me for money - I have had to pay for a lot of new things in this house move even though it has meant dipping into my savings. I am naturally kind and generous - I feel so so angry. I have nowhere to go and don't know whether to just leave or try and hold out until I have a place sorted for myself and then confront him.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 August 2014):
 I think he does know how to drive and pretending he doesn't. Maybe he has outstanding tickets or dui charges. So that's where the "lesson money" went. Maybe he knows that he sucked you dry and therefore finding other non suspecting, kind females to dupe. His behavior doesn't show he has remorse for lying. Yes, how does he make money? Is there anyway he can pay you back? If he has some kind of conscience then he will feel responsible. Otherwise it's a lost cause and he's just a parasitic sucker.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2014): It doesn't sound good. Sure, it could be innocent voyeurism, but he doesn't sound like much of a catch to begin with, needing your pushing to get a driver's license and then taking a "break" from lessons. He sounds like he doesn't want to grow up. I wouldn't necessarily break up, but I would retreat a little. You haven't clarified how he is "using you for money" (you moved in with him. Is he paying his bills or are you?), and I know moving is expensive, but I think the debt is worth your mental health. Move out if you can, and reevaluate the relationship. If you think it's worth saving, back off and see if he will put effort into making this up to you. If not, you are better off without him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 August 2014):
 Wow, I don't blame you for being mad and feeling duped.
The thing is, you KNOW he will lie if you "confront" him about anything, so my advice? Find a place to live, move your stuff, make sure you two share NO bills together and if he has had access to your bank/bankcards - make sure you remove him.
He is looking for "greener grass" and keeping you around till he finds it. Not a decent thing to do.
It sucks having to relocate again, but.. it bets feeling sucked into being someone's sugar momma.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2014): I suggest for you to leave and start a new life on your own. Him with less money than you is not the main issue. The main issue is he cant be trusted.
Lets face it, his really looking for someone new to date. We were not born yesterday. Based on research if a man spent most his times on net, dating sites or even porn ones most likely it becomes a habit. Like an addiction.
He may promise you to change but dear, its not gonna happen he will just hide it from you.
Now i do understand you love him n its hard to just leave someone you love. But you have to do what you need to do.
You are not a sugar mommy. On top of you dont deserve to have unfaithful bf. So think what is right and good for you.
I believe you can still find someone who will be faithful to you and treat you not like a sugar mommy. You just have to leave him the soonest possible you can.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (13 August 2014):
 I also am not very techy so I'm in a state of confusion as to where he makes money? The internet is a fabulous thing but i don't understand any of it especially how people make money from it.
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