A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How do you deal with a moody colleague? I have been with a law firm and my colleague (on my team) has an attitude. He is the possible office hunk - another girl loves to give him attention and so does another colleague - he is attractive I admit I like him but he is married and isn’t that nice when he talks about his significant other My issue is I feel like when he has an attitude and we have a report due (he has to sign off on it) he takes his time while I do it right away. - if I don’t say hi to him he won’t say hi to me - or he is quick to notice what I do and say I ran into him at lunch and he wouldn’t acknowledge me unless I said hi first - but there are other times where he has stated - u look nice today (before we go into our law meetings)How do I rise above this ? I don’t understand - obviously I’m not gonna kiss up to him like my other coworker but it bothers me when people have an attitude - I always feel like I did something wrong Does anyone have any advice - clearly he doesn’t seem thag happy in his personal situation but I don’t want to take it personally We are both lawyers in the same team
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 May 2018):
 The advice is to focus more on your job and your clients'needs than on your romantic leanings and fantasies.
You are only noticing your colleague's behaviour because you fancy him and find him attractive. Otherwise you probably would not even notice anything special, since what he is doing does not sound intolerably rude or offensive,nor likely to create an hostile environment; just vaguely annoying, as , then again, many colleagues can be- nobody is perfect. So some times he does not say hi first, some times he does. Big deal. If you weren't so intent in scrutinizing your interactions and in gauging his reactions to you, most probabaly you'd shrug it off with a " That's John. Always so moody ".
And what 's to you if he badmouths his partner ? It may not be very gentlemanlike, but- no skin off your nose , basically. You are there to work, not to find kindred spirits .
Moreover : even if he were, or miracoulously turned into, the best, kindest, most attitude- free of the colleagues : the guy is married .
The more you stay out of his way , the better and safer ( since you sort of like him ). Limit your interactions to strictly business , do not expect , ask ,or offer anything but professional civility, without any personal undertones- and , in fact , consider his moodyness and standoffishness as a big positive for you : it keeps you out of trouble- and more focused on your job.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 May 2018):
 I agree with Code Warrior,
No special treatment, he doesn't warrant it. Just be professional and treat him like EVERYONE else in the office/team.
As for his private/personal life - it's none of your business or your problem. If he is unhappy at home that is for HIM (and his wife) to fix. You are not his therapist. You are his coworker.
And I agree with YCBS that this guy knows how to play women. The whole hot/cold is to keep the women on their toes and because we women in general don't SEE the game-play we presume it's somehow OUR "fault" that it's going on and thus we moderate our behavior for these kind of men. SAME as you have done.
OP, he isn't interested in you, in the way you might like him to be. So don't even go there. And... he is married. Which CLEARLY should tell you with big fat neon lights to NOT go there!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2018): I don't see what the big deal is .. you have written in about him prior and this situation .. you like him .. he'd like to use you .. I feel.you want us to say something that isn't there ..
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (11 May 2018):
 If he wants to act like a kid, let him.
You’re at work, not a social event. If his attitude and behaviour is affecting the teams work performance, I’d take him to one side first and tell him so. After that I’d go over his head and inform management.
Whatever he mentions about his personal life is irrelevant, ignore it and do your job until he starts making it hard to do that, that’s when you need to sort him out.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (11 May 2018):
 You are an intelligent educated woman (we assume). Why would you take this man's behaviour personally? You know his behaviour is all about HIM and NOTHING to do with you.
You are on the same team so you need to rub along as far as work is concerned. Outside of that, you need NOTHING from each other. If he is bad-mouthing his wife, ignore him and get on with your work. His marriage has nothing to do with you or your work. Let his fan club listen to his immature woffling. He may be good looking but he sounds like an immature spoilt brat of a human being. By the sound of it, he has learned to get along on his looks and doesn't believe he has to be a nice person.
He has learned he can "play" women (exactly what he is doing to you when he blows hot and cold). Whether he is attentive to you or not, react in exactly the same way - with a polite smile and indifference. He is your work colleague, nothing more. He doesn't HAVE to compliment you or even acknowledge your presence, childish as that is. It is his right to act in any way he wants, frustrating as it may be to you sometimes. Let's face it, perhaps there are things about YOUR behaviour HE doesn't like but has to tolerate.
If his behaviour affects your work, then you need to approach your manager/HR Dept and make it official (if it is worth it). Otherwise, grit your teeth and try to block his annoying behaviour out as much as possible. We all have to tolerate behaviour from others which we find challenging. It comes with being part of the human race.
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