A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,I need advice on my situation. I met a guy back in December who was really lovely and had a great personality. I wasn't really attracted to him like that but he asked me out on a date and as I wasn't seeing anybody at the time I kind of thought what harm could be done. We really got on and had a laugh together but whilst the attraction thing grew for him it didn't for me. I told him from the start that I didn't see him like that and he was cool about it. He didn't really make an effort with his appearance so he started to make an effort and started joking around that I would soon be swooning over him. I also tried to trick myself into believing I would like him once he has smartend up. I didn't. Then in January we both had a drink and ended up having sex. I told myself that it would be the dealer breaker as I couldn't bring myself to break things off with him as I guess I had fallen for his personality. The sex was terrible, I was not attracted to him at all, he didn't really know what he was doing which made things worse and before we started anything he asked me 'can I have sex with you?' Which ruined my mood from the start. I was the furthest away from being turned on and the thought of having sex with him again literally makes me cringe. I decided this was the end and it wasn't fair on either of us to pursue this anymore and very nicely suggested we should not see each other anymore. He was very kind about it as I said I did say this from the start but since then he's being quite irritating. I said we could be friends but now he keeps contacting me every couple of days asking random questions. He keeps pursuing that I meet up with him to 'mess around'. The last thing I want to do is have sex with him. I recently passed a university exam with 95/100 to which he messaged me saying I was a 5% failure and should of let him in my life to help. He basically keeps putting me down and saying he hopes I don't feel too bad about losing him. He sent me messages about him getting a new car stating I should be jealous, he's sent me messages about sharing a hotel with him for some examples. The truth is I'm seeing another guy, everything is wonderful and I'm currently tiptoeing around mentioning this guy on any social networking sites so that I don't hurt his feelings. We recently had a lovely photo taking together at a resteraunt and I decided against posting it to Facebook so I didn't hurt his feelings. Part of me thinks I should let on that I have another guy now though due to him continuing to message me but not even normal messages now. They are messages putting me down, saying he hopes I miss him, asking me for sex. It's getting a bit far now and I don't know what to do. When he sends me this messages I'm always left a bit speechless and unsure what to reply so he usually says he's only joking about 30 minutes later to which I normally reply 'I'm glad that was a joke then' or 'I don't know what to say'.
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female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (5 March 2014):
 Maybe you feel guilty for not being attracted to this guy, or perhaps in a little way you like his attention or even feel sorry for him. But at what expense? At putting up with his rubbish, making yourself miserable and perhaps putting your current relationship in jeopardy. Stop trying to be nice and tell this guy that you're seeing someone else and to be fair to your current boyfriend you can't be in contact with him anymore and that you hope he'll respect your relationship and not contact you anymore. If he goes against your wishes or you find yourself tempted to contact him, unfriend him on FB and delete his number off your phone. Don't give him any more reason to think he has a chance with you.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 March 2014):
 Just un-friend him and block him from Facebook and POST whatever you like and I agree with Cerberus - grow a set, woman up and tell him you have absolutely no interest in him in a romantic way and that his lame attempts to put you down or "joke" as he call it makes you want to not be friends either.
Tell him bye and remove him from your life. Stop wasting HIS and YOUR life.
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A
male
reader, devont +, writes (4 March 2014):
 Why have you not done the VERY obvious thing here? Block this idiot and change your number if needed. Stop replying to him at the very, very least. You don't owe him anything. He is carrying on because he is trying to get a rise out of you, maybe in his head he thinks he still has a chance. Also, is the new guy you're dating not upset by your contact with him? If someone was talking to my girlfriend like that, I would tell her to stop talking to him and depending on whether he carried on or not, probably intervene myself...Please, move on from this moron and cut contact. It is not fair to your current guy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2014): OP enough of the mixed signals. Time to grow a pair of tits, woman up and stop being such a flaky game player. You say you said from the start that you didn't like him in that way yet you continued on playing the game and even slept with him.
You really can't see how your behaviour completely contradicts your words?
I'd ignore everything you say from after you slept with me because all you do is talk about how you don't see him that way yet you keep responding, and you even slept with him after saying that, so why would he stop trying? It didn't stop you shagging him before did it? Nope, and because you won't stop playing games because you don't have the guts to be honest with him, the situation is the exact same way it always has been and he has zero reason to stop pursuing you.
You made a liar out of yourself before so he has no reason to think anything's changed.
OP are you really that spineless that the easiest option of actually being honest with him and getting rid of him is the only one you haven't even mentioned in your question?
It's like being nice to him and decent enough to be honest with him is not even an option for you?
Why not? because you're scared of hurting his feelings? Really, I guess leading him on for longer is the much nicer thing to do according to you then.
You're not being nice at all, OP, you're being a coward who just hopes this will all blow away on its own. In the mean time you keep responding to his messages, you keep leading him on and frankly if your new guy sees how unable you are to handle male attention he may well start to doubt your ability to be faithful, because frankly you can't even say no to a guy you don't like, what happens when a guy you do like comes along? That's right, the new guy is screwed.
OP there is nothing worse that dating a woman who can't deal with unwanted male attention firmly and with honesty. You've displayed neither trait here at all. everything won't be wonderful if your new guy see a message on your phone asking you for sex will it?
Quit being a pussy and deal with this head on. If feeling guilty or bad is too hard for you to bear that you'd rather lie and hide from your responsibilities, then your new guy won't be your new guy for long, or there'll be even more new guys who you can't get rid of either.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 March 2014):
 this guy is doing everything in his power to hurt your feelings and you are tiptoeing around?
unfriend him, block him and live your life.
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A
female
reader, Pr3tty_in_pink86 +, writes (4 March 2014):
Sounds like an annoying weird manipulator. Can I have sex with you? Weird and cold. Ewww. Stay clear of him.
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A
male
reader, deerhunter +, writes (4 March 2014):
You are being too nice. Tell him you're seeing someone else and request that he stop contacting you with suggestive messages. If he does not stop, change your number. And by the way, what does your boyfriend think?
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