A
female
age
36-40,
*rin22
writes:I really don't even know where to start. I'm completely and utterly disappointed in myself and filled with regret. I met this guy Dan through a friend a couple of years ago. We really hit it off, but he was then deployed to Iraq. I haven't seen him in a couple years, but it is now home on leave until this weekend.To make a long story short I slept with him and he really hasn't said much since. I really don't know how to handle this, I promised myself I would never do this and one thing led to another and it just happened.Any suggestions on how I should cope would be greatly appreciated. Should I continue trying to contact him or just let it go? It looks as though he got what he wanted so maybe I should just pick up the pieces and move on :-/
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female
reader, Erin22 +, writes (2 June 2008):
Erin22 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI can't tell you all how appreciative I am of your support and advice. I find such comfort in your words and am truly thankful that I found this site.
I didn't even realize I had any responses until now...I still have not heard from him, but each day gets a little easier. I am an avid blogger and wrote about the experience in a general sense...if he reads it then so be it.
I believe everything does happen for a reason, just not sure right now what that reason is, and I'm okay with that -- I have to be...
You all have many valid points in that I should "live and learn" and that he is going through a lot right now, which I need to try and keep in mind.
Well I don't want to write a novel here, just wanted to say thank-you (:
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): Unless he said he was going to write you or said he wanted you to wait for him, I would assume he just like you said had a weekend fling before going back to war. Don't beat yourself up we all make mistakes. Just move on and learn from you mistakes. When he comes back if he tries to contact you just make sure the same thing dose not happen Agian. If you want to date him that's up to you but make him work for it. Just move on more fish in the sea! When he comes back act like nothing happend and be as happy as can be make him think you could careless. Good luck and I hope you wished him good luck to even in the situation. You both made mistakes so don't hate him wish him well.
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A
female
reader, Twirly  +, writes (29 May 2008):
 Please don't worry, you've known him a long time, and he was only home for a short time, so it's not as though you just met a stranger and slept with them that night!
He may be feeling the same as you! Also he may be tied up catching up with family and other friends before heading back so give him some time and do report back and let us know how things go.
I think you just went with your feelings, and sometimes that can be a good thing!
Loads of love and I'll keep my fingers crossed he gets in touch soon xx
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A
female
reader, A Cappella +, writes (29 May 2008):
 I'm sorry hon. Yeah, I'd let him go, and good riddance. Don't beat yourself up, though. You deserve much better. Just make sure you hold out for better next time. All the best to you.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 May 2008):
 Hi, I wouldn't beat myself up too much about this. It's only early days still, and things could change with him. I don't know how things went for him on his deployment, but I do have some knowledge from people who have been over there that it is a very tough situation to be in. It may just be that he needs some time to get back to feeling 'normal' in the sense that he's been in a war zone, and here people are more concerned about what the latest celebrity has been wearing/eating/sleeping with/giving birth to/adopting/developing for their next film project/what the price of a gallon of gas is... It can be disillusioning to come back from a very stressful environment and see that no one is really paying attention, at least in the media.
Give him some time, send him a cheerful email if you have it still, but don't think badly about yourself. You could send a fond farewell note if you feel up to it; it couldn't hurt, I think.
Stay busy, see your friends, and remember that your heart was in the right place.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, Cyg79 +, writes (29 May 2008):
 *hugs* I'm sorry things haven't turned out better. Its hard coping with regret, and he is jerk for not saying much. Its possible he might not know what to say, but that still does not lessen his jerk status. I think if you have made valid effort in trying to get in touch with him, you need to let it go. Since you can't make someone listen to you.
You can try and take comfort in the fact that you did what felt right at the time, and at times that is the best we can do. (I mean who can possible predict the future?) But again now you know that such a hook up is not right for you. Take reassure in yourself that you won't let it happen again. Theres not much you can do about the past other then learn from it. You are strong even if at times you feel weak.
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