A
female
age
41-50,
*isseagle
writes:I just broke with my boyfriend of over 3 years about a month ago. He was very afarid of commitment and took me for granted.He would always put me down saying I wasen't skinny enough or I didn't waer enough make up...he is also very wealthy and his work was always #1 in his life. A week after we broke up I took a trip to my hometown to get away. While there I reconnected with my first boyfriend. He was the love of my life but we were young and wanted different things at the time. It took me years to get over him. He is now divorced with 2 kids. Both my exs are now wanting me in their lifes again. My current ex has been going to counselling and has been fighting to get me back but how do I trust he will not take me for granted in the future again, call me names or shut down when things get serious again? My first boyfriend is very sweet and caring but being with him would mean relocation (which i'm ok with) and children....I really do care a great deal for both but I keep flipping back and forth. How do I decide between two loves?
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female
reader, agonyauntsanonymous  +, writes (25 July 2012):
I have to agree with denise. It's too soon. I hate being alone too, but i can honestly say i entered my current relationship too quickly and its taken us 3 years for both of us to become emotionally ready to give each other all of ourselves. Weve been together 3.5 years now. You need to take time for yourself if your exes are serious and truly love you, not just due to infatuation or because life was comfortable, then they will keep in touch, let you persue yourself and your own life until you are emotionally ready and incharge of your life. And by then who knows if you will want to be with either of them. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (25 July 2012):
 How do you decide between two loves?
The answer to that is: You DON'T.
Look, you only broke up with your recent ex (of three years duration) a month ago. Then just one week ago on a visit to your hometown you met your very first boyfriend.
You know what? It is MUCH too soon to decide anything yet!
Your first boyfriend will obviously have changed a good deal - grown and matured in the intervening years. You'll both need time to get to know one another again.
As for your most recent ex, you clearly have doubts as to his behavior once his experiences with counseling have settled down. Besides which, the breakup has only just occurred and it's not appropriate to be thinking of resuming things again at this point.
No, you'd do well to keep a certain distance from both and try to take a clear-eyed look at what you really want and what's in your own best interest both now and for the future. You don't have to be unfriendly, necessarily, just a little detached.
Eventually it will most likely become plain as to which of them you should choose - or neither, perhaps. Just take your time - and don't let either of them pressure you!
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