A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met up with an old friend, who has a new house and a new girlfriend, yet he invites me over every week in the evening when his gf is not there. Is he into me?Okay, the above was basically the cliff notes version. Here's a more elaborate description:When I came back from my 8 month internship in London an old friend of mine got in touch with me (I've known him for 10 years) asking if I wanted to meet up again and celebrate my return. We always got on extremely well, so I was happy to hear from him. We arranged to have coffee at his new house. Now, I hadn't seen him for a long time, so we had a lot of catching up to do. Turns out he now has a girlfriend, she sort of lives with him; she stays over every weekend and sometimes a few days in the week. After finishing up her education the plan is to move with him permanently. Anyway, as I said, we get on really well. We both like to chat, we're into the same music, share taste in movies and TV series and we know each other pretty well. That coffee visit started at 8pm and I got back home at 2am and never once did I check the time. Then next week he texted me again, asking if I was in for a cup of coffee. So I'd come over and we'd have a great time, discussing everything from youtube nonsense to politics. Last time (my 3rd visit) I quietly asked about his girlfriend, trying to find out how she fit in his life. Turns out he seems to be a bit disappointed in her, as when they bought stuff together but she always forgot her bank card, or forgot to transfer the money to him later, or saying she doesn't have any while she's looking to buy herself a new car. These are just a few examples. He's not really putting her down, as he keeps saying that she's still studying and that he understands that when they do stuff together he shoulders the bulk of the costs because he has a steady job. Still, I can't help but notice that when he talks about her, he doesn't mention how much she means to him or how much he loves her. Anyway, we ended up watching a movie together and it got really late. At one point it was 4am and he even said I could stay over as he had a guest bedroom and use one of his T-shirts to sleep in. I declined since I live just a 15 minute drive away and opted to go home. He hugged me goodbye at the door, saying we should do this more often. So basically what I'm trying to find out is whether he's into me or not. We've never dated each other before, but we have kissed and the only reason nothing came of it was because our lives didn't allow for it at the time, so we opted to stay friend and have been for quite a while. Right now we haven't done anything indecent like kissing, but more than once I had the feeling we were close to it and that the only thing holding us back was his gf. I would never cross that line when someone's taken, and I have faith that he wouldn't either, but it makes me wonder why he keeps inviting me in the first place. Is it just friends killing time together?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your answers. They confirmed what I was thinking but didn't want to admit to myself. Thursday he texted again for me to come over, I replied asking when his gf was going to be at his house, he said saturday so I said I'd like to come then so I can meet her. It took him a while to reply but he said 'okay' so we'll see how it goes and how he behaves with both of us present.
From then on, if he still wants to meet I'm going to say I only want to meet him when his gf is there. If he doesn't want to I'm calling it quits on the friendship, because you guys are right. I am putting myself in a position where I may cross the line and if that happens I won't forgive myself.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 July 2012):
 Seems more like cold feet to me. He got the girl, he got the house but just realized what kind of commitment and effort he NOW has to bring to the table, so he thinks if he gets "friendly" with you.. you can act as his "out".
That way his GF can be mad at you and hopefully not as mad at him.
Honestly, if he is willing to cheat on this GF, he will be willing to cheat on you. You do not have a "golden snatch" that makes a cheater not cheat, OK?
Do you really think if you acted on this that YOU would be without blame? That it would be OK, because the GF isn't "good enough"?
He really doesn't sound like that good of a BF or friend.
This is a LOSE/LOSE situation.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 July 2012):
 Agree with everyone else.
tell him you can only come over when his gf is there and see what happens.
you are a dirty little secret... he lies to her about you and he lies to you about her...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2012): I agree with quite a lot of what has been said by the previous posters. Stop playing with the fire/going to his place and tell him that if there is anything he wants from this relationship he is going to have to choose between you and his girlfriend. If he's just trying to get you to cheat with him, forget him, it'll get you hurt. Good luck!
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reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (25 July 2012):
 Unless he breaks up with his girlfriend and tells you he wants a serious relationship with you, he is just playing games. None of this even matters really. He could be very much attracted to you, BUT HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND AND HAS NOT LEFT HER.
You are messing around on someone else's territory by going over to his house when his girlfriend isn't there.
Because of the fact that he has a girlfriend, and you are going over there, you are opening yourself up to a world of hurt. You are allowing yourself to hope for something that is not even yours. If he was THAT into you, he would have broken up with his girlfriend already. Wouldn't he?
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (25 July 2012):
 Cerberus as usual has hit the nail on the head.
You ARE playing with fire. If you don't want to betray his girlfriend and are telling us "you'd never cross that line when someone's taken" then if you really mean it, you should quit going to his house and staying until 2:00 a.m. ("I never once checked the time."
Yeah, right. Seems to me you do, at some level want to go further with this man - who already has a girlfriend, even if you're not quite admitting it to yourself.
Please, wake up and smell the coffee and quit deluding yourself!
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (25 July 2012):
 Really all that n that one question? Yes hes into you.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 July 2012):
 He's totally grooming you. Like Cerberus said, the old "dissatisfaction with girlfriend" and the sob story is the oldest trick in the book to get an otherwise virtuous girl to cheat with him, because seriously, would you want to sleep with him if he said that he was happy with his girlfriend?
Words are utterly worthless. Actions are the only thing that matter. He's not married to her, so he can break up. He's not and never has been trapped. Don't touch him or be alone with him unless he breaks up with her. Respond to nothing else, or you will be responsible for cheating and devastating an innocent woman. He will tell you anything to get you to cheat with him.
He is lying, or he would have broken up with her already. Actions, not words.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2012): "I have faith that he wouldn't either, but it makes me wonder why he keeps inviting me in the first place."
Oh give me a break OP. Are you that naive or don't you get the oldest cheating trick in the book? "Turns out he seems to be a bit disappointed in her"
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-is-this-man-asking-me-to-marry.html
Any of that ladies question strike you as familiar? Go to the cheating section of this site and see how often "I'm/he's/she's not happy in their relationship" comes into it.
Let me ask you OP, if you were his girlfriend and another girl was getting as close to him and spending this kind of time alone with him late at night all of a sudden then how would you feel? You'd be suspicious wouldn't you? And guess what you'd be right because this girl is feeding off of a sexual tension from your guy.
You're pretty much already cheating OP seeing as you know there is a level of closeness here that is way beyond friendship and you are going to end up cheating with him.
"Right now we haven't done anything indecent" See? You are going to cheat with him.
"Is it just friends killing time together?" Nope it's a guy getting ready to get a nice piece of ass on the side and girl foolish enough to think all of this is a good idea.
"I would never cross that line when someone's taken" Yeah? well you're already right on that line peeking over OP and you can bet your ass you've already crossed a line as far as his girlfriend is concerned even if she doesn't know it yet, you really think getting close enough to a guy consistently to the point where you almost kiss is okay? You wouldn't mind your boyfriend doing that would you?
OP you're playing with fire and you will get burned, you like to play the moral thing here but we both know you're going to go ahead with this, he's doing the Don Juan and you're playing along.
Think I'm wrong? Why doesn't he ever introduce you to his girlfriend or invite you around to watch a movie with both of them? That's right, you're his side pussy in progress.
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reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (25 July 2012):
 "I met up with an old friend, who has a new house and a new girlfriend, yet he invites me over every week in the evening when his gf is not there."
The thing you should take from this is that he invites you over when his girlfriend is NOT there. In short, he doesn't want his girlfriend to know that he is inviting another woman over to his place. He doesn't want her to know that some woman is staying up late with him and that you two spend time together. Wouldn't it seem suspect to you if you boyfriend was secretly inviting over a female and you didn't know about it?
Basically you're his little secret. You'll be invited whenever she is not around, so that he can try to get into your pants. You already have somewhat of a sexual past together; he is just trying to exploit it.
"when he talks about her, he doesn't mention how much she means to him or how much he loves her. "
Why is that surprising? If he told you about his feelings for her, it wouldn't give you much motivation to visit his place. He won't seduce you by sharing his feelings about his girlfriend. He has to make sure that he pays attention to you. The prey needs to be lavished by attention, intellectual stimulation and flattery so that he can take advantage of it. Do you know any cheater that will tell you how great his wife, fiance or girlfriend is before they bone some other woman or vica versa? Ehh no. That's not how the game is played. If he didn't have feelings for her, he wouldn't be buying furniture for them together, nor would she be living with him as she is not much of a financial help. Not to mention he is dating her.
"we have kissed and the only reason nothing came of it was because our lives didn't allow for it at the time, so we opted to stay friend and have been for quite a while. "
Well looks like not much has changed. He's in a relationship, so your lives aren't allowing you to be in a relationship once again. Until he breaks up with his girlfriend and until she no longer lives with him, I suggest you stay far away from this guy. Right now you're being strung along and it's only a matter of time before things heat up. Clearly him being taken hasn't stopped you from hanging out with him late into the night. The next thing you know, you'll find yourself being used.Good luck and don't be foolish with your expectations, your body and above all your emotions.
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