A
male
age
51-59,
*KW
writes:HiI've been seeing a much younger girl now for around six months. I should have listened to everyone who said "just have fun, don't get serious, it will never work"...well now we've done the Christmas thing, her presents to me were ridiculous, over the top, too generous. I can't go on with the relationship, it's ridiculous, it is going nowhere, she refuses to communicate when I have tried to talk about our relationship, I just want to be on my own now.So, why do I feel like such a b******? It will seem cold and mercenary, accepting her coffee maker and all the other presents then finishing with her, but she is very material focussed, she loves shopping and spending money, I prefer a walk in the woods!I just don't know how to go about ending it, it will have to be over the phone as she lives some distance from me, also face to face she might attack me or run off into the traffic (seriously)...last time we had a row she tried to get out of the car while it was moving! What the hell do I say? It's New Years Eve tomorrow night, she is coming down to spend it with me, why did I let it get to this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2012): You owe her the courtesy of breaking up in person. Meet her in a public place if you're really afraid that she'll attack you.
A
female
reader, Kindpigeonette  +, writes (30 December 2012):
I think it sounds like you are just two very different people. I think you should go to see her instead. Make sure she has an idea this is "the talk". Let her know what is the problem with the relationship -- not her. Try and come up with something that cannot be changed that is a road block...even if you have to lie a little.
Listen to her, but stand your ground.
if you have to talk for many hours then do so until she is very tired. If you are at her house, she can take back the presents, cry without feeling embarrassed and get all her feelings out. Hopefully she will be too tired to do anything drastic, fall asleep and wake up less emotional. At her house she will have comfort food, tv, Internet like this website..., her bed to cry in etc. if possible, being some food to her house and leave it there (my ex gave me a sandwich when we broke up and it really helped).
If you have to work tomorrow so can't drive, i would ask to take off early or call in sick in order to make sure you can drive for her.
Hope things go ok
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (30 December 2012):
 I echo everyone else in telling her not to come.
Either way she's going to throw her toys out of the pram, as it's best not to do this in person. I'd break up with her over the phone (NO TEXT) and mail back the gifts you received from her.
Follow up with no contact whatsoever. Eventually she'll move on. You must be tough on her with this, otherwise she won't get the message.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2012): o, so now she is bad that she spent all these money on you.
I wouldnt let her on a first place to buy all these gifts for you. You knew it would be CHristmas presents right?
Break up with her, give her all the presents back, and let her find someone who likes her and may be her own age
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 December 2012):
 Give her the coffeemaker back, if that makes you feel better and tell her that you have come to realize that the two of you don't share enough common ground, then wish her well and end it. That means NO contact after. No booty calls, not drunk texting.. Delete/block her number.
It happens that you meet someone and think OH this is great! only to realize that is isn't.. It's called life..
Ask her NOT to come down for New Years. What's the point?
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (30 December 2012):
 Hi
You have just woken up and smelled the coffee so don't be too hard on yourself. The honeymoon period is over.
Ring her today/tonight and ask her not to come down, tell her you've got that stomach virus,nobody wants to catch that.
Then,on the 1st Jan, ring and finish it OR drive up and return the presents and tell her.Explain that after 6 months you know she's not for you long term and wish her well.Thats the truth of it.
If she gets over emotional or does whatever its really not your responsibility, age doesn't come into it,everyone has to cope with rejection or endings,emotional blackmail is low.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (30 December 2012):
So_Very_Confused is right. Don’t get her to come down for New Year tomorrow. Call her and put her off. And tell her honestly that it’s not working out between you. I don’t think it’s even an age gap issue here, maybe you are at different stages in life but actually it’s a deep incompatibility of personalities, temperaments and expectations. You’re not responsible if she attempts some dramatics to get your attention. She is clearly deeply insecure and will try to hold on to this relationship by silly attention-grabbing stunts if that’s what it takes. Don’t be held to ransom by them though, end it and fast! Return the gifts.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 December 2012):
 so you want to call her today and tell her not to come tomorrow night or do you want to wait to end it after new years?
You are not responsible for drama queen behavior... if she runs into traffic it's a way to get your attention and make her stop. don't feed into that childishness.
what you tell her is exactly what you have told us. I would call her and tell her not to come tomorrow night that your not feeling up to it.... (the truth is you are not feeling up to it right) and if she gets pissy you can say "look, it's just not working out for us... we are too different and I think maybe we should end it... and I feel uncomfortable with all your generous gifts so I would like to return them to you"
just because she's younger does not mean she gets treated differently.
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