A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband of 6 years won't pull out during sex.We are catholic so he refuses for me to use any birth control.I do not want to get pregnant. Please give me advice Reply to this Question
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (27 August 2012):
anonymous123 has got it in one. also I find it abusive that he wont allow you use contraception, that is a crazy mindset to have in this day and age
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2012): Go behind his back and get your tubes tied. I am serious
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 August 2012):
 have you and your husband attended the church's Natural
Family Planning Clinic?
using mucus, temperture and cervical changes by charting daily will help you avoid pregnancy... withdrawal is not even remotely close to as effective as NFP.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): Thank u to all who responded . I have read through all ur advice. I have decided to abstain from sexual intercourse with my husband until he agrees to the pull out method. Lastly, I am not using my catholic religion as an excuse for not using contraciptives but my faith is important to me. Prior to being married for 6 years we dated for 6 years and he would always release himself inside me. I never got pregnant until 4 years ago. In these past 12 years I have only gotten pregnant once and had a son. I had a home birth with a midwife and did not go to the hospital but my son did receive immunizations and visits his pediatrician. Last night my husband wanted sex and told him to pull out but he did not, he released himself inside me. I asked him why and he said he feels like he does his job more complete and it makes him feel satisfied. His satisfaction is important to me. So .....I don't think I can get pregnant easily I haven't had any contraceptives . I'll abstain until he agrees . Thanks
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): Both my father in laws were devout Catholics. I mean crucifixes on the wall, always go to mass Catholics. But they bent this one rule. They both had 4 kids and four was enough. The church was not going to pay the expense of more so they both got fixed.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (26 August 2012):
 "I have no patience for people who use the excuse of religion for such reasons!"
I agree. This is nuts. You should not have sex if he refuses to do that. He does not get to own your body like that and demand you be his receptacle. The catholic church preaches a lot of abstinence until you want children, he should try that some time.
Depo is a great suggestion (the implant usually leaves a small scar and if he knows what it looks like, it will be instantly apparent to him). I suggest looking into something called ladycomp. It's a little computer that uses a form of charting/temperature taking. I've heard GREAT things and when it's used correctly is supposed to be very accurate. You have to be willing to abstain on days when it gives you a red light though.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): Why was this issue not discussed before you married him?
What have you been using for the last 6 years?
If you already have enough children OR never want them, just get steralised?
You are both Catholics so its up to you now,your body, your choices, he has to respect your wishes or go without sex.
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A
female
reader, eby +, writes (26 August 2012):
i use natural contraception for years,i never like condoms and do not want to take any pills cause i am affraid of the side effect.if you know your menstrual cycle and you can have some control of yourself,its a good method eventhough its not too accurate.inbox if u want more explanation
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (26 August 2012):
 Refuse to have sex with him till he uses some form of contraception. I have no patience for people who use the excuse of religion for such reasons! This is ridiculous!
Also, what have you been doing for the past 6 years to avoid pregnancy?
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (26 August 2012):
What are your views on contraception? The first thing to note is that pulling out (the withdrawal method) is a very unreliable method of preventing pregnancy, although it is not contrary to Catholic teaching to use it. Many Catholic groups advocate the use of natural methods like pulling out or menstral cycle planning, because they take the view that any form of what they call “artificial contraception” (for instance condoms, birth control or injections) are morally unethical and cannot be used by Catholics. However, the reality is that the claim that such natural methods work just as effectively as artificial contraception simply has not stood up to medical scrutiny and has in fact been found to be false. You need to find a solution that you are both comfortable with: does he only oppose birth control, or (as I assume) would he also be against condoms, injections and anything else that involves a deliberate intervention to prevent a pregnancy? If he opposes all of them, you have 3 choices: you try and agree a compromise with him, you try to hide it from him which would create all kinds of difficulties when he starts wondering why you’re not getting pregnant, or you simply say no to sex. There is only one fool-proof way to totally eliminate the risk of pregnancy and that is not to have sex. Contraception (excluding natural techniques such as pulling out) can prevent pregnancy almost all of the time, but what you’re doing, especially if you’re regularly having sex, leaves you with a very good chance of getting pregnant. You will either have to find an alternative contraception, stop having sex or accept a pregnancy when it occurs.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): Quite simply, refuse him sex.
To be honest its your body at the end of the day, and if you do not want to get pregnant you have that right to refuse.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (26 August 2012):
 Do you already have children? Have you discussed whether or not you want children/ more children with him?
The only thing you and he can do to avoid pregnancy is not have sex. Abstain.
Do you want to sneak about behind his back for contaceptive injections? I'd say that was a last resort.
I'd have a good talk with him and explain the options are no sex or you use some form of contraceptive. Explain to him that you do not wish to fall pregnant. He might have a change of heart about how strictly he has to follow Catholic rules.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): Pulling out is not a valid form of contraception and you can still get pregnant. He refuses for you not to use birth control? thats a bit too controlling.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): there are contraceptive injections and implants you can use, injection might be easiest to hide from your husband. But, i'm worried by what you say-it's your body, and if you want him to pull out (which, by the way, is not a reliable form of contraception) in accordance with Catholic beliefs and he refuses, that's NOT ok. He should respect your wishes. It's your body&your right to say you don't want his sperm inside you. If you ask him to stop and withdraw during sex, and he doesn't, technically that could be seen as a sexual assault. Please speak to someone you trust about this. I'm worried for your safety if you do say no to sex, or if he discovers you're using contraceptive injections.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (26 August 2012):
 you can go see the doctor there is an injection you can take, however not all methods of contreceptive are 100%
my friend got pregnant twice using the preventative methods.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 August 2012):
 Stop having sex with him.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (26 August 2012):
 Hi
As Abella says, you can use the Depo, I know loads that use it successfully.
Your husband may suggest going for fertility tests etc eventually though when, after more time passes you have failed to get pregnant.Especially if he does want children.
Maybe it's time to talk seriously with him about it?
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (26 August 2012):
 Hi, when you next do the shopping pre-arrange an appointment to see the doctor.
Discuss the fact that you need a longer acting contraceptive as you keep forgetting to take the contraceptive pill (technically that is correct - you do forget to take it as it is not in the house to take)
Then ask the Doctor to please give you an injection one every three months for a long acting contraceptive.
Here is an example of he type I mean. Millions of women and teens take this or another one like it - once every three months
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depo-Provera
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A
female
reader, deirdre +, writes (26 August 2012):
get the implant in your arm and that way he wont know. he has no right to interfere in you using or not using contraception, regardless of his beliefs
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