A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I dont know where to begin but here it goes . My husband and I have been married for 14 years . We met when I was 18 and he was 20 years old . We dated for 4 years and then we got married . When we met I was already in college and he told me that I didn't need to go to school cause he would take care of me. ( it makes sense now why he wanted that) I thought it was sweet that he wanted to do that for me so I listened to him. He gave me everything I needed financially and physically, emotionally as well . He always worked two jobs back to back to provide for both of us. We married and he was still good to me so I always listened to him. I stayed at home, cleaning cooking and doing my job as a wife pleasing him. Like he says I'm here to serve him. He is a very simple man but now I realizes all this was to control me. I am now 32 years old and have no drivers license , checking account, or education other than high school. He has never hit me or raised his hand to me or his voice. When I was 30 years old I became pregnant with his son, I was scared cause he said he didn't want any kids. Now that my son is 2 and a half years old everything is still the same. My husband is not hostile or bitter towards me or our son but I want to better my self. My husband is 34 years old and gives me money for grocieries , bills and other financial obligations . We live on an acre lot next to his parents. Is it bad to want more to life ? Should I get out? I ask my mom but she said I'm lucky to have a good provider, husband and to stay with him. I just realized he wanted me to be the same as his parents . His mom doesnt drive or own a car or a cent to her name. If I leave him I leave with nothing but my son. I dont want to lose my son, I'm scared my husband will win if he fights for custody . Everything is in my husbands name, the vehicles, bank accounts, etc. My mom is not on my side my dad doesn't care I have no brothers or sisters of family here in the U .SI need advice . He has brothers and sisters and my husband is the baby of the bunch so they favor him. I think I just fell out of live with him. I've never cheated on him but before I met him like from age 14 to 17 I was like any other teenager very sexually active and he knows this. For the past 14 years it's the same sex position as well just missionary style. He is a man of few words. I dont know what to do? Should I just accept my life and stick it out. If it helps, we are Hispanic and live in Texas . Please I need ur advice
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (26 August 2012):
 I am a little confused by your question. Sometimes I am wondering if you are thinking about getting a divorce because you are tired of being married and on the other hand I think you are asking for permission to have a life. You mention about being bored sexually in your question as well, which indicates to me that a lot more is going on in your world then you know.
I think it is important in your own mind to figure out what you want and be clear about it. I do think you need to get a little independent. If something tragic were to happen to your husband and you needed to support your son on your own, you would be in a world of hurt because you don't have any world-experience.
You do have a son to care for, but that doesn't mean life has to end. I would encourage you to seek a stronger bond with your husband. Sit down and talk to him about how you want to experience life a bit more and that you feel like you want to have a purpose in life. Be clear in what your needs are. Do you want to go to back to school? Have a part time job? Have a bit more responsibility for the day to day activities?
In most traditional Hispanic cultures, your husband is doing what has been deemed his duty: he is providing for you and family and I think you ought to be grateful for that. Do note that if you do ask for a little freedom, you may be going against some cultural norms.
All in all, I think you need to figure out what you want out of life and see if you and your husband can find a meeting ground. If you are a bored with your husband, work on it! Be adventurous, go on vacation, do something new together. Sometimes it simply takes a bit of creativity and effort to re-spark a relationship that has been asleep.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (26 August 2012):
Well I'm trying to find the problems and I've found a so-so sex life and wishing a different life. I understand what you are saying.
At some point though I think you are losing sight of what you have in front of you. Yes you can want more out of life but that doesn't mean you can have everything. Especially when YOU chose this. Stop blaming your husband. I don't think he had some master *15 year plan^ to make you a slave. Trying to play victim when he's actually treating you good, really isn't going to work either.
My advice is to change your life bit by bit. If you want change then go ahead. You don't have to make such a drastic change of leaving him and your son...actually I think leaving them is the most cowardly thing to do. Everything you mentioned in your post, can be still be changed, just not in the blink of an eye. I think once you start making changes in your life you will become happier. When you find yourself being depressed, you should try to break out of it in any way possible. Usually we ourselves cause our own frustration so it is important to realize this and break out of it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): You have made a choice to be with him...so you must give him the respect of being your husband. BUT he must also respect you as his wife. You must find the strength within you to tell him that you want more out of life. here are some things to consider:1)define who you are and what you want.2)Make a plan to reach you goals3)Put you emotions on the back burner for now.4)Approach him at tell him what your goals are.5)Set about reaching your goals.
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