A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI am separated from my husband for a year. Had an affair meanwhile and now I'm pregnant. My bf doesnt want anything to do with me or my pregnancy now. Will he ever love my child if I go on with my pregnancy, I don't want my child to be deprived of father's love.Even though its an affair child, will he come to love my child? Please don't judge me, I know I did cheat on my husband and i'll be punished by God for that. Please help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2012): I have a son and daughter by this guy he never has been a father figure in their lives he treats my kids like they are not his until one day our oldest daughter died he almost had a heart attack but here stand his son he won't have nothing to do with .my son wants a relationship with him so bad but he pushes him away.He claims he never had a father there so this is the cycle he is holding against my son.He also has five other kids he treats them like gold but not my son Christmas,birthdays never comes from him to my son it's sad.But one day he is going to cry for my son and he won't be there.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 August 2012):
 We can not say if he will ever love his child. But after my mother got pregnant my father didn't want me. He didn't want a child, and he wanted my mother to have an abortion if she could have. But she discovered she was pregnant after 5 months, so too late for an abortion anyway.
But then when I was born, he changed. And I was his little girl, and he wanted me to live with him when he and my mother broke up. I don't remember any of it, but as my mother tells me we were apparently close, and that I also wanted to live with him instead of with my mother.
But at first, when my mom was pregnant, he didn't want me. So things can turn around.
Instead of wondering if he will love his child, think about if he will make a good father. Is he good with children? Is he good with finances? Can he take care of a child? Is he patient, and warm, and calm? Or is he aggressive, fights and shouts, and is always broke?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 August 2012):
 I agree it's hard to discern which man you are worried about.
If the father is the "bf" he has every opportunity to walk away, as in many states the child is legally your husband's. As it was conceived during the marriage. So from a legal standpoint it comes down to which state you reside in.
Did you expect the "bf" to be PART of the family, because he fathered this child?
Or is it your husband who can't accept the child?
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (26 August 2012):
 In my opinion, "no nonsense Aidan" provided such good advice that - who could add to it?
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (26 August 2012):
There are a few things that I’m not clear on from your post. Is your current boyfriend, who wants nothing to do with the pregnancy, the child’s father? If you had an affair with one man, separated from your husband and now have a new boyfriend, your relationship has no future if he won’t accept your child, which he does not have to do, so ending it now and going your separate ways will, in the longer term, save you a lot of heartache. However, if your boyfriend is the same person you had the affair with, you should firstly confirm paternity through a DNA test if there is any doubt that he may be the father. Even if there isn’t from your end, it will be necessary to confirm paternity for you to then go on and try to secure contributions for that child’s care from him if he is not willing to make them by choice. Will he ever love the child? That’s impossible to say, but if he doesn’t your relationship with each other is doomed. What you would need to do is tell him that the door is always open if he wishes to bond with his child, but don’t get your hopes up or assume that he will ever take you up on that offer. But whatever he says, he can’t bury his head in the sand: this is his child whether he likes it or not, so at the very least he should meet his legal obligations. Don’t focus your attention on wondering whether he’ll change his mind or not: perhaps he will if he is confident of paternity, but perhaps he is a selfish and uncaring individual, who thinks that he can get some-one pregnant and then choose for himself whether he wants to take responsibility for that or not. But whatever the case, you need to think about what you can control, and that is how you respond to this child. It sounds like you will be more than capable of giving that child all the love it will need. Stop punishing yourself for the affair: what’s done is done. You know you did wrong and you are clearly sorry. The two are not connected: your marriage is the past, your current relationship and the needs of you and your child are what matter now. This is not some kind of punishment for your past mistakes, this is your boyfriend either shutting down emotionally because he fears the child isn’t his, or being totally indifferent to a child he doesn’t want. Only you can tell which it is, as only you know whether he does doubt the paternity of the child, and whether there is reason to doubt it.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (26 August 2012):
 You need to be prepared for risks, my mother never cheated on my father yet he never loved or accepted me in his life...
so u have to be prepared for the worst.
God is not going to punish you, god knows what your going through and does not seek to punish you.
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (26 August 2012):
 In a world of possibilities anything is possible. Talk to all parties every person involved to find out the best answer cause you would want to know from the horses mouth how he feels about loving the child. Also if you said he don't want to be bothered then it could be he very very mad about the scenarios that occurred.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (26 August 2012):
 Sadly he may shut the child out of his life forever. I know of several people who as adults have yearned to start a relationship with the father but even now the father still wants nothing to do with the person who they fathered.
This is not uncommon.
Do make sure you take the father to Court to get the DNA confirmed that he is the father and do make sure the father has to contribute to the care of the child for the first 18 years. This may be the only way for the child to even find confirmation that you cared enough to ensure that the father met his obligations, even if unwillingly.
Absent Fathers who are prepared to step up to the responsibility of taking care of their illegitimate children are often in the minority in the community.
If a man does not bond with the child then the odds that he will grow to love the child will deteriorate over time.
Yet a child can grow and thrive with one parent and many people who have made important contributions to society have been born to a single parent. And the said children have thrived.
However I understand your sadness if he is resistent to becoming a parent.
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