A
female
age
36-40,
*unshine8508
writes:So Im wondering how I ask my boyfriend if we are working towards having a future together or if this all we are goin to do. I don't want to feel like I do all the things I do for him like cleaning his place all the time when there is no future for us. I'm happy to do things for him like cook and clean. We have been spending almost every day together and we talk about everrything together, he tells me I can call him if I'm ever in trouble or need help, and always is thankful when I cook and clean for him. I just dont want to feel im wasting my time with him if there is no future for us to live together one day or have a family so day. How can I ask him nicely? Or do you think i should give it some more time and see how things go? We have been goin out for 7 months now. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 February 2012):
 Ask him where he sees you two in 2 years, 5 years. No one can guess what he is thinking.
So talk to him.
And decide for yourself if YOU want a future with him or not.
A
female
reader, bardia +, writes (5 February 2012):
 I just ended a similar relationship. I did all that for my ex. Rarely got any thank yous. Like someone else said, you might really want to do these things for him but you'll resent it in the end because he doesn't actually tell you not to do them but let's you do it anyway. If he appreciates you, that's a different story. Do ask what his plans are. If he gives you security in the relationship as it is then that's a good sign. If there is something underlying feeling in your gut then you better talk. Because there are plenty of guys who enjoy being taken care of who have no intentions of furthering the relationship. Ask where he sees you two going. It's good tp know where you stand to know your next plan of action. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, sunshine8508 +, writes (5 February 2012):
sunshine8508 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am not doin the things i do to get something in return though, I do them cause I want to. I have known him now a year and a half and its just been in the last 7 months we started dating. I just needs to see that were working towards somethin or im wasting my time then.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 February 2012):
 See?, that's the mistake. Doing something to get something.
Cook and clean for him if YOU want to do it because it makes YOU happy (btw, cooking and cleaning for a guy you are only dating, and met just few months ago ?? That surely woud not make ME happy,lol, but hey we are all different, and I admit there are much stranger ways to pursue happiness ). Not to show him how nice and domestic and wifey you are, and what a great catch you'd be if he'd decide to make you permanent. If he does not , you won't help feeling used and resentful. And he won't understand it, because he did not ask or demand these things from you. As he would punctualize. Which on turn would make you furious, because he did not ask,... but he did not exactly refuse them right ?... And so on and so forth. I can see where all this could be going.
But, let me put away my crystal ball, and let's stay in the present. I think that 7 months is not enough to know well enough a person whom you are dating, so it's quite possible that honestly he does not have an answer for you. He may feel he likes you, or loves you even, but from that to deciding that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, -that's different. The rest of one's life is a heck of a long time, one should be quite sure about it, so you can't be mad at him if he does not know yet. BUT, yes, I would rise your concerns with him . Honest and open communication is important in a good relationship, if this is something pressing in your mind and makes you anxious and uneasy, he should know and you should discuss it together. Also, if you are at a stage in your personal path where you are determined that you are ready ONLY for something very serious and future- oriented, and you are neither willing nor able to just being in the moment and enjoying it for what it is without knowing what's the next step- there's nothing wrong with that, you know what you need and what you want and that's a positive thing.
So, talk to him. A " nice way " is just a simple way. No ultimatums or emotional blackmails. You just share with him what you feel and think. " I love the time we are spending together but lately I have had some things on my mind. I feel that... I think that... what I would like to happen is... and I want to check that we are on the same page at least generally speaking ".
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A
female
reader, sunshine8508 +, writes (5 February 2012):
sunshine8508 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDo you think there is a right time to bring this up? Im not sure how to go about this.
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A
female
reader, Latti +, writes (5 February 2012):
Absolutely! Ask him what his long term goals for the next five years are for his life. How does he feel about marriage & does he want to get married anytime soon (year or 2).
Then...you tell him your goals.....career, condo, marriage...
You need to know if he even see's you in that way or not. A good book suggestion on this topic is: Why Men Marry Bitches, by Sherry Argov. The name is a bit ranchy, but the info is great!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2012): It sounds like he really loves and cares about you! don't be afraid to ask him, come clean and tell him how you feel about the relationship, tell him your thoughts on the whole thing and how much you love and care about him. Even just doing that will bring the thought to his mind, and It will make him think 'Do I really love this girl, do I really want to spend my life with her?' I honestly think that he will want to! Best of luck, I hope your relationship and your future turns out well! xx
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