A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've got a problem and I don't really know how to handle it. Last week, a female co-worker came on to me. We've been good friends since I started working there three years ago and I had no idea that she was attracted to me. She came round to my house a couple of weekends ago for a girly night which is not an uncommon thing for us to do. During the evening, we were talking on the settee when she suddenly kissed me and put her hand down my pyjama bottoms and touched my vagina. I pushed her off and told her that she was behaving in an unacceptable manner and I asked her to leave. She was visibly upset and she left. I've avoided her at work but she has tried to talk to me. I haven't mentioned what happened to anyone. But now I'd like to discuss what happened with her. I'd still like to be friends with her but I don't know how to approach her about what happened. What can I say to her?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ErinPatterson  +, writes (13 July 2009):
 just say no nicely. if you didnt want her hand down your pajama's..maybe just kindly should of given signs that you are not interested in her. a firm kind "push away" usually works..
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 July 2009):
 I will second the ask her to meet you for lunch to talk about it.
Met in a public place ( she won't try to hit on you there) and the two of you can talk. She most likely took your friendliness and the inviting her over for something else.
I'm not sure though that she will be interested in a friendship, that was a pretty "aggressive" sexual move she made on you.
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A
female
reader, Mugzie69 +, writes (13 July 2009):
 I'm guessing that she is genuinely weirded-out by this. Long story short--I value your friendship...let's respect boundaries so that it continues...and when do we get together aqgain?
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (13 July 2009):
 why dont u email/ msg her and tell her u want to talk to her about what happened?
arrange a meeting or even talk on the fone (if u have privacy) outside of work, and find out what the issue was becoz one of u obviously got their wires crossed.
it is possible u can still be friends, but u really need to get to the issue of why she did this.
good luck!
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A
male
reader, vba67 +, writes (13 July 2009):
I can see her friendship is of great importance to you. See if the two of you could meet for lunch (away from work) or someplace else to discuss what happened during the weekend at your house. Tell her like you told us how her friendship is of great importance to you (throw in the three years being good friends), but you do not wish for your friendship to advance to anything sexual in nature. Be sure to tell her like you told us that you had no idea that she was attracted to you. Just being honest with her (telling her how you feel about the situation) may save the friendship the two of you have together. I'm sure she is missing your company too.
Again, I think you have really answered your own question. Everything you wrote to us, just say it to her.
Good luck, I hope things pan out for you and your friend.
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