A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need help my boyfriend is just like my father. He is immature, a drug addict, and alcoholic. I didn't notice at first but then in the middle of the relationship I had noticed that they were exactly alike in so many ways. My boyfriend is the same age as me and i don't know if it's my father that acts like him or if it's him that acts like my father. But they had never met anyone. Why is it that I always end up picking guys that are exactly like my father. I barely know my father so how can this be? This isn't the first guy to act exactly like him either.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): It has been demonstrated by research that girls will generally evaluate, establish relationships with bf's or partners using their fathers as the yardstick to measure by. This is why as a general rule girls with abusive fathers will want relationships with abusive bf's. Boys will use their mothers as their yardstick, too. Some people never recognize this but you have and it's important you break this cycle or you will never be happy. Dump this guy and start looking for a boyfriend who is not a drunk/druggie. Instead, look for someone you have chemistry with that will permit you to learn about his life and family. Learn how he treats women like his Mom, sisters, and other women not family members he encounters in your presence. Learn if he speaks down about women. Then determine if you can trust this guy, will he do what he says (reliable), and will he commit to you. Your guy should end up being the best friend you've ever had, either men or women, that you want to crawl in bed with. Good luck and God bless. I should know 'cause I married a sexy woman who was and is my best friend.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (22 July 2009):
 Why do girls go after guys like their father? Perhaps because they are like their mother?
Your mother didn't notice the way your father was until it was to late. Neither did you. it is not like it would be that hard to spot an alcoholic lazy drug user.
Put it simply you are suffering from "monkey see, monkey do".
But you are not a monkey, you can THINK before you act. You can observe and reason and make conclusions. So, you have observed your BF's behavior. You have reasoned this is just like your father. So what is you conclusion? To dump him rihght now and next time wait a little bit longer till you have figured out what kind of person a guy is before jumping into relationship?
Learn from both your mistake and your mothers or be doomed to repeat her life.
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A
male
reader, Rogerramjet  +, writes (22 July 2009):
Eh, i think it's a fairly common psychological trait for women to go for guys that remind them of their father or can present themselves as a father figure (hence why many girls call their man "daddy" in bed, or alot of women seem to go for men older then them).In a similar (though apparently not quite as extreme fashion) i think alot of guys go for women that remind them of their mother.I am not sure how easy or hard it is to break this trend.. I've known alot of women that wind up in a similar situation.. They wind up with men that treat them badly because their father kinda treated them badly.I do wish you the best of luck! It's a good sign that you're recognizing this trend now...
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A
male
reader, Your friend  +, writes (22 July 2009):
 The good news is that now that you recognise the signs you can avoid these kind of boyfriends in the future. Its sort of like going through the crap to help sort out in your mind what is the good in a person.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): Well Darling, When a girl grows up either not having a father in her life she tends to search for a father figure. Even when she knows little about him, she will try to find someone that is very close to the same person so she can get closer to her father. What your dealing with is what i described on the second sentence. If you barely know your father you will look for guys that are close to your father or someone who acts almost exactly like them to fulfill your needs for a Father figure. What you need to do is not look for the guys that remind you of your father point out all of the things your father is like in the boy you want to date. If you are having troubles with this you need to really think about it. Do you want another father in your life or do you want a boyfriend. You should try getting closer to your father before going out and looking for a boyfriend.If you really like boy is and you really don't care if he's just like your father then keep him. If not do what i had explained.
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