A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys.Can you tell me how you know a guy only wants to sleep with you? Are there signs, things he does, says, etc. that shows you he only wants sex with you?And if he really cares about you as a person and has feelings for you besides the physical, would he act differently and how would he be acting towards you that shows he cares about you more than a sex object?How do you tell the difference????? This is my problem right now. Thank you for your help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2011): If he takes you to meet his family and close friends, I think it means he sees you as more than a fling. Like the others suggest maybe just hold of the physical side for a few weeks and see how he reacts if he likes you for you he'll stick around.
A
male
reader, happy140  +, writes (23 April 2011):
 Back when I was a pig and treated women that way and all I wanted was sex I would 1) I would call at the last minute and do a REALLY cheap date2) I would ask them if they wanted to get a room or go parking after the cheap date3) I would have no contact with them between dates4) I didn’t worry about looking good, quick hair comb and worn jeans means you were in trouble5) I groped you all night6) I made nothing but small talk, as I did not really care about your feelings or like and dislikes, quick short conversations.7) I sent you home or left immediately after sex.8) You felt that sex was all I wanted but thought I would change, I could work magic with that one by playing head games to get what I wanted.9) You will know in your gut!10) Constant non or short relationships means all I want is sex
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A
female
reader, ann84 +, writes (23 April 2011):
Im having relationship w my bf almost 2 years in august and im still virgin and ofcourse we did other stuff..to be honest im scared cause it will be my first.. And wanted it when i married but sometimes im thinking all of a sudden we start to fight over stupid small things and im also telling my bf i understand u have needs but im not ready and want to keep it and he tell me " no i will wait for u" isnt it too long for a guy to wait girl to have sex but except sex, u do the other stuff?
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A
male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (22 April 2011):
 I think one good way of getting a clue as to whether he likes you for you or just for sex is to ask him: "What do you like about me?"If he likes you, and if he is at all expressive, he will be able to tell you some things that ring true. But if he is just in it for sex, he will either talk about the physical or else will say some lame, cliche things. For myself, I can recall things about girls that drew me to them--their laughing at my jokes, their humility, things we did together. I could not tell you anything great about girls to whom I just had a physical attraction other than their looks.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): if he has erection then he is after sex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): The biggest difference I've noticed is guys who want you for something more than sex won't call you up last minute, take you out and pay for it, introduce you to close friends, and make future plans with you in them. Nothing vague, ambiguous, or leaving you to wonder how important you are to them. Guys in it for just the sex will just want to hang out, not take you anywhere, disappear for days, and rely mainly on texts for communication. They'll steer away from defining your relationship so you'll be in the dark, filling in the gaps with your own imagination.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (22 April 2011):
 It's easy to fake an interest in a girl's personal life - basically the male equivalent of faking an orgasm (make the right noises at the right time and they'll believe it). Further confounding the issue is that a guy who likes you for more than just sex will probably still really, really like you for sex, too.
Firstly, if he has a history of cheating or promiscuity, it's a good bet that he's mostly in it for the sex. Players can change eventually, but they leave a wake full of girls who thought they were special. Don't be that girl.
The most reliable way to tell is to see how long the guy is willing to wait to sleep with you. Players don't generally have the patience for a long wait. How long a "long" wait is depends on you and the guy in question, though; there's no really universal number to that. I've waited months before.
Even a decent guy won't want to wait if you have a history of putting out early, though. Similarly, cutting off sex from a guy in order to see if he likes you for more than sex would cause him to assume that something is terribly wrong with the relationship, so that's not a good option.
If you've got that history, or if you've already slept with the guy early and want to know if he's still interested in a relationship as well as the sex, the next-most reliable way to tell is to see how often he wants to be with you when sex is unlikely to happen. So breakfast (on a day when you haven't spent the previous night as his place), lunch, morning or afternoon events where he knows you're going to be busy later that night - you could probably fit a quickie in there somewhere, but it's not as likely as, say, going drinking after ten. If he is enthusiastic about getting together with you during those times, as well as later at night, he actually enjoys your company for its own sake.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (22 April 2011):
 I am convinced that women see through men and are capable of detecting this kind of things even when a man thinks he's hiding his true feelings, but I see there's always an exception or two.
Definitely, a man who truly loves you will act differently from a man who only wants to sleep with you. The one who loves you is interested in you and your well-being, so he will go an extra million miles for you. Unfortunately, sometimes those men are unfairly labelled "nice guys".
You Wish is right in that a person who is very much into you eats, sleeps and breathes you. Sometimes people can hide that, however.
Someone who only wants to sleep with you might actually do good things for you, but he will also make it clear that he wants his reward.
As you can imagine, there is no hard and fast rule.
Bear in mind that you can make a mistake, either for mistrusting someone who doesn't want sex only, or for trusting someone who doesnt' really care about you. So I wouldn't go too quickly about determining who wants what, and I would try not to see conspiracies where there is none.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 April 2011):
 Yikes! I meant to say "It doesn't look shaky"!
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (22 April 2011):
well I would say if he takes an interest in your personal life, like if he wants to know your opinions and feelings on a variety of topics, then he's interested in you beyond just getting physical. If he would enjoy and want to spend time with you doing things that are not related to being physical, then he's interested in you beyond just that. If he is happy to spend time with you without it leading to getting physical, then he's interested in you.
However it's more complicated than that. Some people deliberately put on an act and do the above things because they feel this is how they can get you into bed. Some guys are well aware that a woman will probably leave in disgust if she felt she was being treated like an object so the guy deliberately pretends to like her in order to keep her around to fulfill his needs. If he's a good actor, you may not be able to tell the difference if he's sincere in his interest or if it's a calculated act.
Another complication is that he may be sincerely interested in you as a person (not putting on an act), yet still not want to be in a serious relationship with you. He may want to be FWB for example.
and yet another complication is that many people are very out of touch with their emotions and don't know themselves if they are seriously interested in someone else or not. If they don't know their own feelings, then you won't know their feelings either.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 April 2011):
There's no surefire way of knowing, but there are possible signs. If you haven't had sex yet with him, tell him you want to take things slow in the physical department and see how he acts going foreward.
Also, there's an indicator in the way he compliments you. If he says you're beautiful, or he loves being with you, or when you're together, he listens to you and asks you questions, then it's a good indicator that he's into you.
If his compliments are only to do with sex...saying you're sexy or hot is a good compliment, but if he says things like "You're so f**able" or "you're a nice piece of ass" or only talking about your body parts like breasts or butt or things like that, then he's looking over you with pretty much sex on the mind.
If there's an absence of interest in wanting to do non-sex things with you, meaning if he expects any time shared together to end in bed, and he's trying to speed through the prelinaries and go straight to the sex, then that's not a good sign.
If he follows through on things with you...meaning, he calls you when he says he does, looks forward to seeing you, doesn't consider only calling you at 11pm to be a date, after sex he takes off or gets up and goes off by himself all the time, then it's a bit shaky.
If he has also told you that he's not into relationships or commitment or has ever used the words "no strings attached", then it's a good bet that he's after sex.
However, and this is confusing, he could be really into you and as a result want sex all the time with you. He could love you and in a second step in front of a bus for you, yet your presence has him completely hot and bothered and almost unable to take his hands off you.
A lot of times in guys, when something's got their attention, they eat, sleep, and breathe that person or activity. Talk to any football or hockey fan when the season starts, and they'll concur. If a guy's into you, and especially if he's started having sex with you and it's amazing, he's going to want that awesome incredible thing, and he's wanting you.
Remember, to a guy, nothing says "I love you" to him more than his girlfriend or wife wanting to rip his clothes off and have hot, sweaty, passionate sex with him. It's not because he's objectifying her. It's because he's really into her. Sometimes it's easy to go off-balance when you're really into something. But don't take that personally if all of the other signs show that he's in love with you. Sex really is amazing! If I had first time sex with a guy that was mind blowing, I'd want to jump his bones every second I could get alone with him!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): If he cares about you, he will ask things about you and really listen. He will be interested in what you're into, how your day went, where you're from, what you do for work/school, etc. He'll ask about those things. AND, he'll remember what you tell him.
If he only wants sex, he may still exhibit some personal interest in you, but it won't be very extensive, and he likely won't remember what you tell him. Also, he'll start talking about physical intimacy and/or start initiating physical intimacy early on. He'll continually bring up physical intimacy, whether about you or past lovers, and he'll try to get you to do physical things early in the relationship. Hope that helps. Good luck.
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