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female
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anonymous
writes:Whenever my husband and I ask one of our close friends over for dinner, he always just assumes that he's going to also spend the night - and then he spends half of the day with us the next day! He only lives 45 minutes away and we've tried hinting that we want him to leave (like saying "We can get together Saturday, but WE ARE BUSY ON SUNDAY." -- making it really obvious), but nothing works.We would feel rude telling him to go home straight up - like we're afraid he'd feel unwanted throughout the rest of the time he's visiting (which he's not). We don't want any weird feelings the rest of the time he's over.Yesterday we even left for about 6 hours (it was our anniversary) and when we came back home he was still there!! We thought he'd get the hint and leave.How can you tell a good friend to go home already without sounding like a jerk?Thanks for any replies!
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow - thanks for all of the responses. Lots of good ideas we'll have to try out.
We actually tried going out to a movie one time and thought he would go home afterwards, but he came back over and invited himself in!
And we actually told him that Sunday was our anniversary and we were busy. We even told him our plans started at 11:00, but he just went downstairs to watch tv and said he hoped we had a fun time! It doesn't seem like we should have to spell it out for him, right? I mean, that seems pretty clear to me to get lost! lol
What makes this whole situation kind of ridiculous is that my husband has been friends with him for about 15 years (I've been friends with him for about 4), so it seems like we should have no problem being blunt. Guess we're just push overs or something!
But like I said - great suggestions! Seems as though next time we'll have to be more straightforward with him. Thank you!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2007): wow, this sounds like my ex boyfriend & what he does to his friends that are a married couple. The reason he does this is because he is lonely, and he needs a girlfriend. Do you know of anyone you could hook him up with? Maybe try hinting in a joking way like "man, you need to find a woman so that we can get our nights alone again" Or something like that..I would be VERY annoyed & I think there would be a certain point when I would just not care anymore if I was being rude. I would tell him "look, we like hanging out with you, but we need our nights alone & more time alone" I don't know if he is coming over & drinking & just not wanting to drive home drunk or what, but if that is the case maybe you could tell him that you are quitting drinking & can't be around people when they are drinking. 45 min. is a long drive, I have to assume he has no life if he is hanging out at your house all day & night. All you can do is be honest with him, or just stop being his friend.
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female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (16 July 2007):
 why dont you try and go out more often instead - then you are not obliged to have him stay - which is probably the way he sees it. if you do have him over for dinner, order taxis for everyone wen they are ready and suggest that he shares one with another guest? if it happens that he does stay over again, if you dont want to seem blunt then get your husband to say that he is going to the store in the morning and say something like 'are you ready? my husband will give u a lift home'....? if things get worse then you should take the hard road and just say it to him. the fact that he stayed on you anniversary is completely inappropriate
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female
reader, penta +, writes (16 July 2007):
 You're going to have to be blunt. Don't expect him to read your minds or get the hint. "We'd love to have you to dinner, but you can't stay the night. We have plans that don't include you."
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2007): Perhaps you should broach the subject of him having you over for dinner and turn the tables on him by outstaying your welcome there afew times.
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female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT  +, writes (16 July 2007):
 Hi there hun,
There is no easy way I'm afraid the best thing is to ask him to dinner and perhaps you or your husband drop him home, just sit down with him tell him you love him dearly as a friend and you enjoy him coming to dinner and you don't mind him staying over now and again, but you and your husband need to have quality time together and with the busy lives you lead you don't get it much.
It may hurt his feelings but to be honest you have allowed this to continue so he thinks its okay with you both, I don't mean to put the blame on you here but us humans are creatures of habit aren't we ?
Why don't you ask him to meet you somewhere for dinner in between where you both live instead of inviting him over if you can't talk to him then when the evening is over call him a cab and sy your farewells, this may make him think??
Its best to be honest however, and I hope you mamnge to solve it,
All the best of luck babes,
Love Donna xx
PS sounds like your a lovely couple as you don't want to hurt this poor guys feelings xx
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