A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in my early thirties, met a guy in his late 30s. Went on a date several times and we had sex. It was so lousy that I am not sure that i want to see him again. I would understand if it was someone young and inexperienced, but he was married, now single for awhile, and at his age doesn't know to please a woman?First he kissed me, it was nice, he was good looking, smelled good, I was turned on. Then we got naked he didn't even caressed my breasts, just spread my legs and went with his fingers inside of me. I thought ,ok, he is not going to stay there forever, eventually he will locate my clitoris and will start pleasuring me.no, that didn't happened. He was going back and forth with his fingers inside of me until I had a feeling that I want to pee, and I had to stop him. He took his fingers out, and then immediately changed his position and put his penis close to my mouth. . Ok, I tought, I can do that, hoping he will return the favour. But that never happened. He went inside of me. 10 minutes later it was over. The only good part about this nite was that he held me in his arms the whole nite. Now he is calling me to meet on a weekend, ehhh, I don't think I will. I don't understand this, how can you just not care if your partner had orgazm or not. It was obvious that I didn't. And now he is calling me to do what, to repeat the same thing. On one side I like him, but if a guy has no clue how to please a woman at his age, I don't think there is any hope. I am not going to teach him, he is almost 40! If he did one thing wrong I could tell him, but he did nothing right, it was just lousy, lousy sex from the very beginning to the end. Also the position he choose is with us being on one side, and him behind me. Impersonally don't really like it that much, plus he is not a small guy, he put his leg on top of me, and it was so heavy, that in a few minutes I just wanted him to get of me. Also he didn't really touched my breasts. I have beatifull breasts, and they are not small. Guys ussualy love them, but this guy never not only kissed but even not touched them. It's a pity though. He sounds like a nice guy, likes me and fun to be with. I just can't get this nite out of my head and very much hesitating in seeing him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2013): I agree what you described would have put me off too. But from your description it sounds like you were just lying there passively the whole time and not giving him real-time feedback so in a way that was your fault too. When I say feedback I don't mean criticizing him or even talking out loud giving instructions or anything. I mean like in your physical response or display of interest. If you wanted him to move his hand elsewhere then you could have coyly taken his hand in yours and moved it to where you want, and it wouldn't kill the mood just make it sexier. Or if you didn't like him doing a certain thing then again you could have "cheerfully " (so as to not infuse negativity into the atmosphere) simply moved yourself into another position and initiated the activity YOU would have preferred.I get that its disappointing that he didn't just off the bat know how to please you but you had many chances to steer it in a more positive direction rather than sit back with arms folded evaluating him.or rather than inadvertently giving him positive feedback by accepting everything he was doing (ie probably figured that if you weren't asking for something different then you must be liking what he was doing). The fact that he isn't more suave or skilled at his age. Well marriage doesn't mean much in terms of a person's sexual prowess. For all you know he may have spent years having totally boring and uninspired sex with his wife which is why he knows no other way to do it. Also it sounds like he thinks porn is real life hence him putting his dick at your mouth without you having given any indication you wanted that, and his over focus on shoving his fingers in you.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 September 2013):
 I think it's fine that you will be giving this guy another chance....
Please note that, relative to this, that you wrote: "...and I will tell him something and direct him a little, and see how it goes. I am a little shy tellin about oral. Some men just don't like doing it, ahh , that would be a disappointment.".....
Once he's read the pamphlet, this won't happen!!!!!!
WHY are you women so willing to compromise - to give us guys a "pass" - when we are so dumb when it comes to paying attention to YOU and YOUR needs and wants??????
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, ModelCitizen  +, writes (11 September 2013):
I think it's likely that no-one has ever told him how bad he is. I mean you had an awful time and you didn't discuss it with him so chances are other women have done the same. If he's a good catch in other ways many women may have decided to put up with it. I'd try talking to him once, or why not take the same approach as he did? Take his hands and put them where you want them? If he won't make an effort then that's different, but he may just need a good teacher!
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (11 September 2013):
 You’d think they’d know by now (given his age), but that’s not always the case… The main issue here is he failed to give you an orgasm and that’s what it boils down to. Even if he was nervous, inexperienced or used to a certain pattern of performance, he still neglected you afterwards somewhat.
Heaven forbid being all turned on and not receiving that quota for a woman; it’s frustrating and exasperating!
Yet with any new partner there is always a learning curve to get over the clumsy stage and your active input and participation is paramount. This doesn’t mean you have to become a teacher as such, it simply means you teach him how you like to be treated. This goes for outside the bedroom as well as in the bedroom.
Given you say he’s fun to be with and is eager to see you again etc, perhaps you could try and discover his other finer qualities before embarking on another sexual encounter with him. I say this because the love of my life turned out to be a sexually lousy partner (although I satisfied myself with him), but out of the bedroom he was my better half; the love of my life! You just never know?
Take Care – CAA
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (11 September 2013):
 That night was a real shame wasn't it?
Well as I see it, if none of his partners has shown him what to do and he's never watched any porn, then he won't have a clue what turns a woman on!
There are two choices as I see it.
Dump him and find a guy who can blow your socks off or educate him.
Enlighten him as to what a woman wants and have fun teaching him. The beauty of this is that you can teach him what YOU like and I'm sure he'll be a very willing pupil.
Of course there is another possibility and that's that he's well aware of what a woman wants but doesn't give a damn, with reference to this scenario......send him packing :)
I hope this helps AB x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2013): This is OP. Sageoldguy, I am not sure, was it a sarcasm? Yes I believe that's when 2 people have sex it's is about each other. I would be just a "tiny bit" concerned if my partner didn't have any orgazm . But that hardly happens with men doesn't it? The guy obviously knew what he wanted, it didn't take him long to let me know about a blow job that he obviously likes very much. And what's with the fingers, i could never understand it. He is not the first one doing it. I mean I enjoyed it the first minute, but then I had an impression that he is using his fingers instead of his penis, and that will be it. Thank you everyone for your opinions. I understand first time and all, but a guy his age doesn't need to be a "mind reader" to know a certain things that men do in bed, this one seemed to come from a stone age. Desires for every woman are the same: we want to orgazm also like men do every single time. It just takes us much longer. The whole process with this guy including kissing lasted the most 15 minutes. He obviously not into oral, which I like mine the same as he likes his. I don't know what they did in bed him and his wife, but he divorced almost 10 years ago, they only been married for 2 years. After that he had women, I am sure, and not just a couple. He is a good looking guy and very good with his words. Well, listening to you all, i desided to give him another chance, and I will tell him something and direct him a little, and see how it goes. I am a little shy tellin about oral. Some men just don't like doing it, ahh , that would be a disappointment.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (11 September 2013):
Maybe his last partner had particular desires that are the opposite of yours? I'd try again, but this time be more of an active participant.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 September 2013):
Unfortunately, you've encountered a guy who has never read my best-selling pamphlet titled "When you do nik-nik, it's all about HER, you idiot!!!!"
If you'd like a copy, to give to him, please let me know...
Good luck with your NEXT guy friend.....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 September 2013):
 Yes, that doesn't sound like great sex at all, but here is my 2 cents.
YOU were there too, the guy is NOT responsible for making all the magic happen. It's NOT teaching him "how to sex" if you tell a guy what you like and what you don't. IF you just accept what he he doing to you sexually you are kind of giving of the vibe that he is doing good.
Also first time sex with a new partner can turn sucky, because you two don't REALLY know what makes each other tick sexually.
Guys are not mind reader so it's far-fetched to expect that they know how you like it.
On the other hand, I don't blame you for not wanting to keep dating if you get piss poor sex. If you think there is a chance he might improve without too much "training" I would give him another shot but I would be blunt and tell him it was very unsatisfying.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2013): I say give it a chance...was it the first time? Maybe he was nervous and there is a learning curve with any new partner... Maybe all the girls he has been with validated his bedroom antics possible......so i say if he's great maybe you can discuss your likes and sexual dislikes make it a fun conversation good luck ps if he really sucks then and there is no salvaging it then dump him...he may not realize what he isn't doing right...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2013): You would think that a man in his late thirties would have awareness of the clitoris and know where it is and what it's for... but no, and this guy is not unique [I had a guy try to insert a clitoral stimulator inside me once, so determined was he that the pathway to the big O was in through my vagina]. I don't imagine his wife was very instructive with him [your date and mine]; maybe she didn't know much, herself. If he's an otherwise nice guy, why not meet up with him again and be a bit more assertive/ communicative about what feels nice, what doesn't? Show him how you stimulate yourself, tell him you have sensitive nipples to draw his attention to your breasts. I am not saying you have to teach him from scratch, but perhaps see how amenable he is to feedback. The first time with a new person is often a bit of a let down.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (11 September 2013):
 I hear ya! I get really irritated when a guy is into his own pleasure. I've stopped seeing guys not because they were awkward in bed, but because they were selfish in bed. I also stopped faking an orgasm a long time ago. But I think maybe you should give this guy a second chance and maybe you should be more vocal about what pleases you. I think he was trying to hit your G spot when he was playing with you down there. He sounds really nice in all other aspects. First time sex with a new partner is almost always awkward. However, if he has turned you off completely then don't bother.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2013): He sounds like my BF in the beginning but he only 23 amd had slept with 2 women before me... I kept it to my self for ages... I didnt orgasm for months plus I didnt masturbate so you could imagin how frustrated I was, lol. When I did tell him he go so defensive and had a huge argument!! This happened at least 5-6 times over the course of a year. So yes I had ober a year not being sexually satisfied. But now its great :-) He cares about me sexually. I can understand he is 40 and you dont wamt to teach him but if he is a good BF then give him a chance to improve. Have sex with him again and if it is the same sit him down and tell him you need more them having his d***/fingers shoved in and out (not in thoughs word, be nice and more articulate about it) You need to have good sex especiallyim the beginning of a relationship but if his exes didnt tell him then he probly thinks nothing is wrong. I know that was happend with BF... Give him a chance but if he doesn't improve/try then you have a choice;Stay with a good man who if not the best at sex or leave him.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (11 September 2013):
 I am not sure what you are asking as you seem to have made up your mind. If you want to give it another go, tell him what he needs to do to please you including directing him. The question is , is he worth the patience and extra effort in bed.
Also note that you may get an excellent lover in bed and the worst kind when it comes to being caring, loving and romantic and not to mention trustworthy.
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