A
male
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*enuineGuy
writes:Hi,Here is a good question.If you're a guy and like me, you tend to get along with girls as friends. How can you have them as friends without getting into grief with your wife/girlfriend over it.Seems impossible to me.Sure I know your gal should trust you etc but they dont Reply to this Question
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female
reader, finchy +, writes (9 September 2006):
 Then i dont see the problem you are entitled to spend time with them.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2006): Oops...I missed a very important word here. Just to correct that error, please note. I quote: "When I say 'people make this mistake', dear...I was simply stating that people do look to cross gender friendships for some 'fun on the side'.
I meant to state: "When I say 'people make this mistake',dear...I was simply stating that SOME people do look to cross gender friendships for some 'fun on the side"
Not all people allow 'sexual desire' to rule their feelings, in cross gender relationships. Apologies for the oversight.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2006): When I say "people make this mistake", dear...I was simply stating that people do look to cross gender friendships for some 'fun on the side'. I am not implying that your motive for having female friends is because you desire them. And I can't say if your female friend/s are desiring you. But I will say, if a married man finds out he does have a female friend who 'desires him' sexually, then he better set some hard and fast boundries with that friend. The only way to resolve a spouse's jealousy is to respect them and make a point of having him/her socially involved with all of one's friends, irregardless of gender. In other words, your friends should become her friends, as well. Let her discern the situation for herself. Keeping one's spouse involved in one's life, in all aspects, will keep building the trust. A marriage is sharing in all aspects...including each other's friendships.
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A
male
reader, GenuineGuy +, writes (8 September 2006):
GenuineGuy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionfinchy, i spend very little time. my missus takes kids away to family every now and then and im not invited, i use this time to meet up with my brother, pals etc some of which are girls, say once a month.Irish49, when you say mistaking, do you mean me desiring or her ?All sounds good advice, in reality i just cant see it working in my case. my missus would freak out if she met some of my girl pals
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (7 September 2006):
 Irish49's counsel is right on.
As long as you don't give your partner reason to feel insecure then you have done all that you can. If you feel comfortable being open with your partner about the relationships with your female friends then there is no problem. If you feel the need to hide conversations or get-togethers with your female friends, then there is a problem.
The question becomes: Where does the problem lie? That is a question that only you and your partner can answer.
It ultimately is a trust issue that can cut both ways. When trust is mutual, your partner can trust you not to stray. At the same time you can trust your partner not to project her insecurities on to you. When there is trust there is open communication. But all it takes to shut down the lines of communication is for one partner to stop trusting.
Once again, I can't really say which way the trust issue cuts. What I can say is that you must remain open about your relationships - any tendency to hide information will build distrust.
Good luck and take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2006): Cross gender friendships can work out well and many of us do with no backlash from our lifemates. As long as one thing is remembered...that you, yourself aren't mistaking a woman's friendship for 'sexual desire'. Sex is not always the ulterior motive in cross gender friendships. like so many people believe. However, some do make this mistake in cross-gender friendships and that is where the jealousies from love partners, come into play. You also have to respect for the feelings of your love partner, in order for them to continue building the trust. The best way to help a 'jealous' partner is to always get them involved with your friendships..make a point, of having them meet, socialize and spend time with your female friends. Just my opinion..take it or leave it. Take care
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2006): It's basically a sign that the girl is really into you but feels threatened that you have friendships with other girls. She may feel a little resentful of the intimacy that you share with them and possibly feels left out. I know I went through this with my guy, but sadly he accused me of being jealous instead of reassuring me that I was his girl end of. Let her meet your girlfriends so there is no mystery, she may even get along with them fine when she realises they are not a threat to her realtionship with you.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (7 September 2006):
 Yes it is possible. But your relationship needs to be secure enough, and you need to have established strong trust between you and your partner. If your girlfriend or wife is giving you a hard time about your female friends, then that is a sign that there is something wrong with your relationship.
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female
reader, finchy +, writes (7 September 2006):
well how much time are you spending with these girls?
maybe she is jelous that you are spending more time with them than her?!?!?!
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