A
male
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anonymous
writes:I split from my ex because I was constantly cheated on and lied to. She slept with a guy over 100 times over the space of 6 months. I finished her many times, only to take her back about 90 times. I felt like I needed her in my life, because there were times where I felt like the happiest guy ever. She broke my heart repeatedly and I decided to end it for good after she lied again early in this new year. She is begging me to take her back again, but I realise that she will probably never change. I want her out of my life, but I can't let her go.I have children to my ex wife and am starting to see a possibility of a happy future for us. We had been seperated for 5 months when I met my ex gf. I love my wife and we have been good friends lately. I would like to try again with her, but I dont think I will ever stop loving my ex. I realise that even though she has treated me so bad and has probably never respected me, I feel as though she was my soulmate and I dont think I can live the rest of my life without her being a part of it. I wish I could be with my ex. I just wish my soulmate did not destroy my soul.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2009): hello
love is hard i think you should go with your happiness cause we live once in this life so enjoy your life and go back to her and forget about what she did cause love is above everything you should sit with her and talk and say how you feel what you want from her , and she might say it too , then its for you to decide if life with her or without her cause you will never forget about her cause nobody forget nobody this is life specially the one YOU LOVE it will remain in your head and in every step you take believe me.
A
female
reader, mess  +, writes (22 November 2008):
mess again. i just reread more and dates. since this is dated your horrible goings ons-please tell me details on how you are doing and how did you come to realize and do whatever you did.
in life there is only one love-love. it's called bipolar points. and if we had two love-loves it'd be called tripolar points-which it is not. i'd want to be back with him in a second but he doesn't care to hear me. he never had sincereity and that was fine because that was him-and i love him more than life. i'll still want to live i guess-i don't wish revenge on him. i just wish his brain would wake up today. bye again.
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A
female
reader, mess +, writes (22 November 2008):
hello there. i say it is impossible. i am going crazy myself. the person that you love to death is you. it's like normally you have 2 bipolar points within your head. but once you find your love love-he/she has one of your points and you the other. i've had 11 years of unbelieveable love. he was the male version of me. and it was passionate lustful sex thruout. i do not feel there is a way to remove what is you while you are you too. sorry if confusing. also i don't know if my email works so you'll read this and i'll see thereply. i guess thru time while breathing in the oxygen of .the helllike environment surrounding us-we'll age and lose our ability to remember. i can't imagine a life anymore. it's like why buy good clothes, clean the house, make sure i always bathed and smelt good. i've tried to think he died but that doesn't work because he's alive. he's spanish and said i scared him and move on. i asked him what he was talking about and he said if i didn't know i should go to the doctor. another line. a macho spanish latino could never be scared of a female. he has always classified that gender be 2nd. and when you are brought together it is not rebound-it is true love trying to clear the airwaves between the 2 of you. for me he told me he has no feelings for me. i honestly believe he does. and he just said that because he knows i have an intelligence-and if i hear those words i won't be a moron and throw myself to somebody who hasn't feelings. i called him to help me move on and that i have to move because i have too many feelings for him to live in the same city. he then said he had feelings and it's over.this would have been good on sex and the city. to reitterate-the only way you can forget somebody you love is if you no longer can remember. and the only other way is if you find somebody and the new person ends up being your other bipolar point. and you find to realize your ex was a facadelike point. i will never stop crying.
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A
female
reader, Tinalishus +, writes (6 April 2007):
 Hey, All you can do is move on. Remember all the horrible things your ex girlfriend did to you. You obviously loved your ex wife enough to have children with her, so why not give it another shot if not for you for your kids!As for your ex girlfriend forget about her, wheres this othetr guy anyway?? Does she want you as her bit on the side this time?? Just look at it this way, if she loved you as much as she says she does then she would not have cheated in the first place! Your better off without people like that in your life!! I hope you do the right thing!Good luck!
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A
female
reader, fairhalflin  +, writes (8 January 2007):
 dont take her back.
she doesn't feel the same way that you feel about her and why should you care for someone that can hurt you soo much. i mean, i know you feel you still love her but think about your own happiness. cool off, take time for yourself and what you really want in life. do you want someone to ruin you? to spit at your face when you told her that you loved her? she'll never change, no matter how many times you have her back. she obviously doesn't take you seriously and is acting in selfish impulse, learn to blind yourself from the happy moments and look at the times that she made you feel inferior and like a dog. do you want to feel that heart break over and over again? just think about yourself. it feels great.
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A
female
reader, Lilly223 +, writes (4 January 2007):
 Many of us have 'loved' someone who is bad for us. The key to endng these toxic relationships is by 'loving' ourselves more. It is not uncommon for people to remain in relationships because they believe that they can fix the other persons obvious chracter flaws and create a perfect person for themselves. It is because we are optimists and romantics and believe that love can overcome anything. You may love your ex-gf, but it is obvious she doesnt really love you. Either because she is incapable (which is my bet) or because she simply doesn't know how. I believe you are making the correct decision by NOT going back with her. If you do you are only setting yourself up for more hurt.
As for the ex-wife issue. I would approach this cautiously. Although you may be commuicationg better now, it doesn't mean that you can live together, forgive each other for the pain you both have created in the past, and suddenly have a 'happily ever after outcome.'
I'd recommend taking sometime to get your head on straight, do some deep deep thinkng about what you want out of any future relationship (with anyone, not just the ex-gf and the ex-wife.) Consider starting something brand new, so you will not have such painful emotional history to overcome. Regardless of your decision, whether it is to go back to either ex or start a new relationship with someone you don't even know yet, you need to take sometime to get your head one straight and begin to really see each of these relationships in a clear light. Right now I feel that you are too confused over both relationships to make a rational decision.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2007): Hello,
I hope you are at the stage now to learn to accept that what we feel sometimes in our heart and what we accept to be logical can be conflicting. Hence we may do things in response to what we feel that our head says is wrong in some way.
We as humans are strange that way. However, we are also strong in that our capacity to love can be surprisingly large. Also strong is our capacity to move on and survive.
Know what you want from your partner. Why do you identify someone as a soulmate? Quite often we just want someone to talk to who is willing to try to understand us. Do you find it difficult for someone to understand you? Could you do anything to help people to understand you like explaining yourself and being more outgoing? Occasionally we "click" with people however realistically good relationships require a lot of time, trust and work. Faithfulness is also important.
Find the strength in yourself and love and respect yourself and you will find the answer.
Good luck and god bless!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo clarify the situation, my wife and I mutually seperated due to the lack of communication. We used to argue about everything. Now we lead seperate lives, we communicate more and can be more open with each other. A stronger friendship has formed because of this. When we were together, we were always faithful to each other.
We were seperated for a period of 5 months and then I met someone else. I developed stronger feelings for her than I had ever felt for my wife, but she always cheated and would lie about everything. I would finish with her and then take her back because I could not make myself stop loving her. I would take her back in the hope that things would be better the next time, so I was repeatedly hurt.
A period of a few months passed fairly smoothly, then I found out she had slept with this other guy again. I ended it instantly and told her that I would never trust her again.
We spoke and talked things through and I agreed to take her back, She had admitted to me that she slept with him, so I accepted that she was honest about it and thought I could maybe learn to trust her again, as honesty was never one of her strongpoints. I told her that my condition of taking her back was 100% honesty, no matter what and 100% faithfulness. She accepted these terms.
A few weeks later, she told me she was going out with a few friends. It later turned out that she went back to her mates boyfriends. She always says she hates him as he is very lecherous towards her. I asked her if she went there, which she denied at first.
We argued later on MSN about it, while her friend was with her. I mentioned the fact of her sleeping with this other guy, to which she totally denied EVER going with him. I was dumbfounded at her flat denial. We aregued about her lying and she was laughing with her friend. She says she was laughing at pictures of her and her friends on Bebo. This only made me more mad, so I told her I never would take her back. I said that she was taking the piss, laughing all the time and being downright disrespectful, yet she always made her excuses and then just started to ignore me.
I just want her out of my memories, so I can move on and be happy. I just dont think I could stop loving her.
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A
female
reader, jabey +, writes (4 January 2007):
It is very hard to deal with the hurt when someone you love treats you badly . I presume your ex wife was loyal and goog and you know that actually she will be safer to be with and that maybe you could find happiness wtih her again. But on the other hand you feel this deep passion and intensity toward your ex girlfriend, and at the moment cant ever see those feelings going.
It is always so hard, to choose the safe secure option. Alot of the reason, you feel so intense toward your ex girlfriend is that strangely when someon, lies , cheats and abuses us for some strange reason we want them more. Now is the time for you to be stronger than ever ! Remain friends with your ex wife but try to keep it as just that, to give you time to clear your head and heal your heart. Remain strong, try as best you can to keep your ex girlfriend at arms lenghth. In the long run it is sad for her as she obviously is very confused about her own life and needs. It remains a fact that time is the healer, but also nuturing yourself. Wake up every day, think of something you enjoy and do it. Some days you will feel stronger other days you wont. But each new day will be a step forward. And when your head is truly clear then you are in charge of your decisions. You need time, make that clear to all involved. And your ex girlfriend will see how strong you are. And she will take a lot longer to get over you !!!
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A
female
reader, vina_101 +, writes (4 January 2007):
 I'm a little confused here. Are you talking about an ex wife or girlfriend or both? You separated from your wife (so shes your ex wife) and met your ex girlfriend? How can you meet your ex girlfriend? Do you mean you separated from your wife and got back with your ex girlfriend? So you love both of them right? But you want to be with the one who hurt you the most (your ex wife).
Well... She did hurt you repeatedly and she'll never change (once a cheater always a cheater) and you won't be able to trust her so I think you are better off without her. I think you should focus on being with you current girlfriend (who was your ex) and try to forget about your ex wife. I know it's easier said than done and you have children together and all but if you don't let yourself let her go then you never will. You have to let her go. She didn't respect you and she cheated on you and she didn't and (still doesn't) deserve you. You are better off without her.
Don't take her back. Let time heal your wounds, and your current girlfriend ought to help too. Or just take a break from women completely for now because it seems like you are back with your ex girlfriend on the rebound. So just take a breather and give yourself a break.
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