A
female
age
36-40,
*cockerham
writes:I don’t know what to do. Me and my bf (were both 21) have been together for just over a year and we have been arguing for the last few months. Its always about the same thing. I say that he doesn’t show me enough affection and doesn’t kiss me enough or tell me that he loves me. We have spoken about it a million times and he says that he does show me affection. He thinks that he shows it to me all the time. We don’t get much intimate alone time as we both live with our parents. Ive been feeling really depressed lately. It makes me feel bad that I am asking him to do things and he thinks hes already doing it. We talked about it again last night and we both know the relationship is not working and we have lost our sparkle. We both love each other and want to be happy together like we used to be. Its always me that starts the arguments. How can we get our sparkle back? What can I do to stop arguing all the time. I should know he loves me without him have to show me every ten minutes. What do I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): I had the same situation with my boyfriend of 3 years. We recently split (the lack of affection was a large portion of why). In our time apart I've been goin on a few dates with someone who's affection is exactly what I've always wanted. Sporatic kisses and hugs, holding hands and cuddling. But I can tell you they meant absolutely nothing because it was not with the person I loved. I would rather compromise with the one I love than get what I want with someone I have no feelings for. I hope this helps.
A
male
reader, Neboraic +, writes (31 January 2008):
My point of view is very much like the others, the only way to improve the relationship is to stop arguing which would require you to get used to the fact you wont get this affection from him. Its a sad situaton which wont change. He may be doing them already, but hes not doing it enough for you, good boyfriends do whatever to please their girlfriends. But life isnt a fairytale, although affectionate guys are out there (i know this because i am one of them).
Sparkle will come back with attention, affection, mystery, compliments and effort.
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A
female
reader, frizzylizzy  +, writes (31 January 2008):
 To be honest I'm having the same problem myself at the moment. Its hard to know what to do. I am seriously thinking of breaking up. My personal opinion is that they are being lazy and need a kick in the bum. He needs to start appreciating you more.. Arrange some alone time together and spend some quality time and see how that goes... Maybe book into a cheap hotel for the night, bring a bottle of wine and chill in the room watching tv together.. You'd be suprised what a night like that will do..
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (31 January 2008):
 You need to stop arguing. You should accept him as what he is and not try to change him.Change has to come through him and not by force.You change him by your love.
Do things together and find intimate times with him.
Do not expect too high an expectation from him for you will feel frustrated and unhappy when he cannot meet your expectations.
See things from his perspectives, there are always two sides to a coin. If you don't agree, just let it go.If you argue , there are no winners, only losers.
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