A
male
age
30-35,
*yle_love
writes:Hi, I'm 19 and my girlfriend is 18. We have been dating since we were 16 and know that we will be together for the rest of our lives. We want to get married this summer but I don't think her parents will approve of it. We are moving into our apartment at the end of the month and hoping to get married in June then try for a baby. (She wanted to start trying now but I told her to wait until after the wedding) How can we convince her parents that she is ready to get married?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (15 March 2009):
 I hope you do listen to everyone on here, you are too yong to be getting married and having a baby, and her parents are right to have these concerns.
Moving in together is a good thing for you both to do if you want to take the relationship to the next level, but you dont need to rush into anything else.
It seems that you are both very much in love, and if you want to spend the rest of your lives together; then why do you need to get married now and start a family now? Surely if you will be together in 5 years time then you can wait for 5 years until you make those huge commitments. This impatience and desire to do these grown up things is a big sign of immaturity and the desire to rebell against your parents.
Do you have enough money to get married and have a baby? Do you both have secure jobs with opportunities for progression within the job? Can you afford to buy your own house? I know it seems like getting married and having a baby will be fun and make your relationship even more perfect but in reality, it will add so much pressure onto your relationship that you dont need.
Your parents and your girlfriends parents wont approve of this, not until you are both a lot older. They dont want to see their children throwing their lives away at such a young age all because they are in love!
The only way you can convince her parents is by living together for the next few years, showing that you can make it work as a proper couple living together. Then when you are older, they will be more than happy to give you their blessing to get married.
You are both so young and should be enjoying being young, not wanting to grow up too fast. You will both grow so much as a person over the next few years, you will mature and find out what direction your life is going to take. It is unfair to commit fully to another person at this time because you simply dont know where life will take you just yet. And it is completely irresponsible for you to try for a baby when you are not financially and emotionally prepared for a child.
You seem to be living in a romantic fantasy where it will be you, your girlfriend and your baby living happily ever after. This isnt real life I'm afraid, if you have any sense of responsibility and maturity then you will wait to get married. You have the rest of your life to settle down and getting married and having children should be something to dream about in the future, something you and your girlfriend can get excited about.
Please please dont rush into this, take your time and think about this properly. Your parents only want whats best for you, and the same goes for your girfriends parents. I understand that you want to make this commitment to each other but if you really love each oter then you can wait.
I hope this helps!
A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (15 March 2009):
 What's the rush? Yeah, ok, you wanna spend forever together, but the thing is, you ARE young. Yes, I'm sure everyone tells you that. But you are, and you aren't aware just how much you will change through your 20's. I coulnd't comment on 30's as I'm not there yet. But I was with a guy from the time I was 16 to 20 years old. I thought I was going to be with him forever, we got engaged at 18, but we split up by the time we were 20. Thank God I was sensible enough not to get knocked up or marry him, what a complete mess that would have been. Yet had anyone told me I was too young then (which they did, alot), I wouldn't hear of it. Show her parents you can be mature by making it work living together, tell them you want to have a long engagement, trust me you'll get a lot more respect that way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009): If you both really love each other and want to get married, then there should be no hurry to either marry or live together and certainly not to have a baby! Just the fact that she wants to try for a baby before you are married before you have jobs that could support a family tells me that she is too immature to get married and her parents already know this. She is living in a fantasy world and she is gaga head over heels infatuated with the idea of being a mother. I can't tell you how many young women her age are, they want the unconditional love a baby brings to their lives without thinking of the consequences for their own lives and for that of their unborn children and how tough this is for a girl that age wheter with you or not. It is a huge responsibility and you have to be prepared for it both financially and maturity wise....will both of you be happy with the end of your party life and life hanging out with your friends? I doubt it.
Do not move in together. It is a not a trial for marriage regardless of what people say here. Marriage takes true commitment in order to work and get through life's issues, living together without commitment creates issues of contempt all on it's own for the lack of security and direction that it implies.
Like I said, what is your hurry? You are both very young and by the time you are 25, you won't be the same people that you are today....and you run the risk of choosing wrong until you really know who you are as individuals not part of a couple that you started at the age of 16. Neither one of you really knows who you are as an independent person....and that is critical before you can get married and love someone else.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009): triedit is right. Just have a go at living together for a while before thinking seriously about wedding and certainly children. Living with someone for the first time can be quite an eye opening experience. YOu get to find out all sorts of things about your partner which you never knew before, and in this sense you will really get to know each other properly. You cannot think about having children until you are completely comfortable with aspects of each other, and this doesn't happen until you have lived together for some time.
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A
female
reader, triedit +, writes (15 March 2009):
 YOu guys are not ready for a marriage or a baby. Live together awhile, but don't bring another life into the picture for at least two years of living together.
YOu don't need her parents permission to marry, but it would sure be better if they respected you. Do what's best for everyone and put off wedding plans for awhile until you are sure you can really make it on your own.
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