A
female
age
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*aryB
writes:How can my ex marry someone 2 months after meeting her? Even though he has been driving by my house and calling me often with a private number? I called him about three weeks ago to ask him why he was doing these things and a girl answered the phone stating that she was his gf. I was dumbfounded at first but, got the nerve up to ask her if she was living there..she told me no but, stays there a lot. She asked who I was and I told her it didn't matter and hung up.I spent 7 years with him loving him with all my heart and soul and although, it has been 2 years now since he broke my heart.I still have deep feelings for him and have hoped that maybe we would be together again some day. I felt that since he was still driving by and calling that maybe there was a chance for us since he must still care about me to be doing those things until I spoke with this new gf. When he left me 2 years ago we had planned on marrying that year but, he ended our relationship two months before and then he became involved with someone else soon after and one month after that became engaged to her. I figured he was cheating on me at the time but, he denies that. That relationship lasted less then a year and they never did get married. All during the time he was with her he drove by my house and has continued to do so. I was told by his sister that he was dating a couple of girls shortly after the first gf ended their relationship AND now this most recent one he has moved into his house this past week AND has told her he is planning on marrying her this month. I feel like I'm living a nightmare!I know all this because today she called me out of the blue AND told me to leave him alone because they were getting married. I asked her why she was calling me to tell me that AND she said she just wanted me to know AND to leave them alone. I have not bothered either one of them other than the first phone call nor have I spoken to him since our breakup. I was tempted to tell her that he is the one calling me AND driving by my house but, decided not to do that. I asked her how she could marry someone when she hardly knows him AND she said she knows him well enough. I asked her how she knew my name AND she said all he had told her was that I was an ex. I have a feeling she does not know about the one he was engaged to right before her... I said good luck to her AND hung up.A few minutes later he calls me AND asks me why I'm trying to start trouble. I couldn't believe what I was hearing...I told him he was mistaken about that AND then I asked him why he was driving by all the time AND calling me AND he denied that, also. I asked him if he really loved her AND how he could marry someone so soon AND with a pause asked why I cared. At that point my emotions took over AND I told him because I still had deep feelings for him AND never got over him. I regretted saying it the minute I said it but, I was tired of pretending I had moved on. He told me we needed to talk AND that he would call later in the week. I'm not sure what I should make of this...if he truly loves her AND is planning on marrying her why not just tell me that, stop playing games with me AND let it be done? I'm really confused AND need some advice. If we do meet should I let him know I want him back or keep on pretending I don't care? Am I stupid to get my hopes up just to be let down again AND if he does marry her what are the chances their relationship will last? I'm sorry this is so long but, felt I needed to state all the facts. Your opinions would be appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2012): I have a similar situation; I was dumped via TEXT MESSAGE after being promised marriage and was given the "go ahead" to pick out an engagement ring. Now, less than two months later, I found out he married someone else. It indicates that his new "wife" was at least on the back burner for a certain amount of time. It hurts tremendously and I don't have any answers...not sure why he couldn't have at least come to me and talked to me about what was happening, especially since he was already arranging his "backup plan" when my back was turned. It's in the least cowardly. Never thought that dating this guy would end with me needing a therapist and a sponsor.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2012): I just want to clarify that my ex has honestly only been seeing this new gf for less than 2 mths. He is a mechanic & runs a shop where he meets many woman. A very close friend of ours also, works with him so I know for a fact that he met this woman not too long ago when she needed her car repaired.
From the get go my ex has always been a fast mover...he was the same with me, also. I met him the same way as she did. He was working on my car back several yrs. ago & within a wk. of meeting him at the shop he was asking me out for a drink. He was just out of a 14 yr. abusive marriage. I should of known better back then but, he came on so strong with the charm that I fell quickly head over heals with him. He made me believe that I was his savior from all the bad in his marriage & that I was the best thing that happened to him.
I didn't realize at the time that he was a full-fledged alcoholic...he hid it well but, by the time I figured out his true nature I was deeply in love with him. I hung on for 7 yrs. thinking I was going to change him...what a fool I was. Yes, we had problems like any other couple but, instead of working on those problems he chose to drown himself in more alcohol. Life was always about him. When things got too much for him to handle he chose to move on to someone else thinking it was the answer to the problems. Of course, his problems only followed him where ever he went. The woman he ended up with after me was smarter than I was or maybe didn't love him enough & ended their relationship before the yr. was up even though she became engaged to him 1 mth. after he left me. The pattern seems to continue with him but, this time this woman he is with seems to be desperate or something & does not want to wait to get to really know him..she wants to get married right now because she thinks that all that charm he is heaping on her is the real thing but, I know different.
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A
male
reader, Charlesjay +, writes (11 May 2012):
I am very sympathetic to your situation and I understand how you feel. This man will never be right for you if his feelings are not the same as yours. I agree that you did the right thing by letting your true feelings be known to him. Some would see that as giving away your power but there is not much power in bottled up feelings. It should give you a since of relief and closure. At all costs you should cease all contact with him no matter what until you are completely over him. The drive-bys and phone calls are his way of keeping tabs on you and may indicate that he has some unresolved control issues, but do not interpret them to mean that he has any real interest in being with you. Move on with your life and leave this man alone. Also, if he is marrying a lady after a couple of months it's a safe bet that it's someone he's been seeing for quite a bit longer than he's admitting. In any case, you need to let go once and for all and remember, no calls, no e-mails, no letters, no drive-bys, no texting, NO CONTACT!! This is the only way you can heal and get on with your life!! I wish you all the best in life and love!! You deserve to be happy!! Give yourself and your heart a break from this nonsense and new love will come into your life!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2012): I can feel the desperation in your post. I have had a similar experience recently. I got back with my ex for about a month and he left again for his most recent ex. What I learnt from my experience were two important things. 1. I am pleased that I told him how I truely felt. If his feelings were the same, he would be happy and would want to be with me again. If he didn't feel the same, I would know, and I could move on. I would know that he was never coming back to me and make an effort every day to 'let go' and make plans for a NEW life for me without him. I also got closure. He knew how I felt and he didn't feel the same. I didn't want the situation to be that he felt how I felt and neither of us would admit it. So that scenario was ruled out once and for all.2. I think that when he said his relationship wasn't working and he wanted to be with me, I should have said, "that is wonderful, let me know if you still feel that way a month from now" and left him to sort out his feelings. When he came back, I should have taken it VERY slow.As a RULE - Since your ex has a new girlfriend, I dont think it is fair to tell him how you feel for him, HOWEVER, I think I have read posts from you before, and I sense you are feeling desperate, and probably not acting they way you would if your emotions were in check. I sense you need closure or answers. So, my advice to you, is to find out once and for all if he cares for you. If he has to think about it, if he is unsure, if he doesn't, then LET GO. Do not allow yourself to HOPE on him any longer. Anytime you start to HOPE that he might come back, tell yourself there is NO WAY you would ever take him back. It is now time to move on. There is a whole new wonderful chapter in your life waiting to start which does not include him. Grieve the loss of the hope. And start living YOUR life again. All the best.
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A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (8 May 2012):
 I know where you are. my ex and I split 2 years ago, her idea. For the first year we got together a bit. Since a year ago I have refused sex and am trying to get on with my own life. I make no suggestions to her at all about maybe getting back. Its all business when we talk. There are no drivebys. This is what you need, a clean break which is what I'm giving her. I'm sure there are reasons you split. Focus on those and get on with your life. Join an internet dating site. At least you'll meet a few people. It seems to me that your situation is over. Move on. I wouldn't say that if you were saying anything that suggested there was hope but you're not. If he's looking around then you should be too.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2012): Time to move on he has he might be on a rebound or he might of liked her a lot longer than you thought and so now marriage was in order all you can do is move on now.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 May 2012):
 My opinion is that after two years you should be moving on. What he does or whom he marries should be none of your concerns, it's a pity that it still is, so the less you focus on him and his partner, and the more you work to focus on you and getting over him once for all, the least you'll be hurt.
He denies having any interest for you ( and the fact he is marrying someone else would confirm that ). He denies having called , or drove by on purpose. Suppose he is lieing, that does not change what your attitude should be : IGNORE HIM. Let him call, let him drive by - and keep ignoring him, he'll get tired.
Of course if you offer him, as you did, your feelings and your yearnings and availability on a silver platter , he may be tempted to not be a gentleman and take occasional advantage of that , and I've got the feeling that he would not mind the random ego stroke.
But , do you really want to be his plan B, ( or C or D ) ?...
Does not it suggest you anything the fact that , after breaking up with you, he took up with another woman, then another then another etc... it sounds like he'd basically would try out the entire female population of your country rather than being back with you.
Sorry to sound cruel, it's just that , while I am always sad to see women let themselves being led on by unscrupulous men AND by their own self damaging infatuations, I absolutely HATE when this happens to a more mature lady. Love is love at any age, even 80, but hopefully after a certain age one has developped a sense of her dignity and of her self worth that would preevnt her from chasing after flaky , uncooperative partners.
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female
reader, alyssajanemccarton  +, writes (8 May 2012):
 Hmm. You are in a tough situation for sure, but no worries. You are not alone :). IMHO, no matter how I look at it, it seems that he has some problems of his own. I mean, how can you possibly get married to someone that you've met only a month ago? Unless he hid the fact that he knew the girl from ages ago, there is definitely something wrong. And I do suggest that you bring it up the next time he calls around.
Sweetheart, I have to say that what you did is right :). Don't regret telling him your true feelings because bottling them up will result in you hurting yourself further. Also, by letting them out, you can truly get up and move on. Even if the phone call doesn't end favorably, you can take this opportunity to start anew. Look on the bright side; at least your feelings aren't bottled up anymore. :).
Also, if possible, do think about it. Do you honestly think that getting back with him would bring about any good? I do sympathize, since you've been with him for 7 years. However, I beg to digress. He can easily marry someone in a month! Would you want to get together with someone like that?
Though I must admit, it does sound like you're special to him since he actually took 7 years to get to know you :). So try to work things out with him the next time he calls around. Never say never! Regardless of the outcome, you are welcome to contact me should any problems arise at my mailbox! Just remember that you're not alone! After all, no love lost; no love found. :).
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