A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone,I'm currently 20 years old and still unsure of men/relationship stuff so I thought this site was perfect to ask something that's been on my mind for a while. I've been friends with this guy for about two years now, but its only been within the last year that I've really gotten to know him and within the last year we've gotten to be good friends.When I first met him I was...I guess you could say captivated in a way. He sparked my interest and I wanted to get to know him. I started talking to him and found him to be a wonderful man (just for background, he is 22 now). Anyways we talked on msn often and we had a fun time talking, he's one of those people I can banter/argue with. And he always seems to love teasing me, he's kind of cheeky that way. Anyways last year or so we were talking and he told me that he liked my best friend at the time. It hurt but obviously he's my friend so I'm going to support him. She turned him down. This happened around summer time so I went home (I'm at university) and he stayed here (he lives here) and we didn't really get to talk much. When I came back things just moved back into how it use to be. And I had accepted that we were just going to be friends. We got closer this last year. I even got comfortable enough with him to talk about a new guy I was interested in and we talked a bit about me liking him last year. Anyways back to now. So he has this job that requires him to work out of town for like 4 weeks and then he has a week off here. Whenever he gets time off we hang out. So the first time we hung out he invited a friend of his who was suppose to meet us at the beach. We ended up hanging out and talking...for 8 hours. We played frisbee, walked on the docks, walked on the beach, and then we got a bit spontaneous and went swimming fully clothed and watched the sunset. Then we went back to my place, changed and went out for coffee until like 2am. It was tons of fun. After that night I got a whole bunch of people asking me if we were dating, to which I said no. I told him about it and he got such a kick out of it. During this 8 hour hang out we discussed jobs, families, child-rearing, relationships, movies, music, you name it. One of the relationship things we discussed was how at this time in his life, with his job, it would be unfair of him to have a girlfriend...he said this, not me. I agreed with him and then we moved on.The next time we hung out we went out for coffee again, talked some more. Then went to the movies. Oh and every time we go out he insists on paying. I refused the first time so he was like sure whatever. So I go up to the counter, place my order and then he just comes up behind me and orders his thing. He forcefully paid for it. He explained it as, I'm a student and he has a full time job. I just want opinions on this situation. My friends keep saying that it seems like something's up. How can I tell the difference between a nice friend and a guy who wants more?
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best friend, msn, spark, teasing, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 June 2011):
 He surely must like your company and find you very compatible. The reason why he did not ask for more, he told you : he's always away for work, not in the best position to be an official boyfriend.
Should you take this at face value ? Yes and not. Yes, because I think he is absolutely in good faith, being that you are such good friends he does not want to spoil it, in case the distance should make your relationship fail. Better safe than sorry.
No, because as I say almost daily on Dear Cupid , people who " is not ready for a relationship at this time " is simply not ready for a relationship with YOU ( or with any other choice he has available at the moment ) . Should he fall in love , distance and work and time would be no objection, he'd try his best against all odds. People are no so disciplined to give up their dream lover because of work or money or other practical concerns.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (25 June 2011):
 Is there more? Before anything else, what are your feelings about him. Yes, he might be a nice guy, yes you might in your mind think that this is the guy you should be dating. But does he do it for you? Because that is what missing, there is no sign of lust. Sometimes that just happens, people are friends, they like each others company but just not in a sexual way. So what do you really feel about him?Does he want more? Has he made any moves at all? Not even when you both were soaking wet and went to your house to get undressed? Sure he is into girls?Sometimes people just are good friends but the spark for romance isn't there. Whether you can force a spark is another discussion but first check your own feelings before you dig into his and might end up pursuing something you don't really want.
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A
male
reader, shawncaff  +, writes (25 June 2011):
 It sounds like it's pretty clear that you like him as more than just a friend. And it also sounds like there is a lot to base a relationship on: you're intellectually compatible, you enjoy each other's company, and it sounds like you have shared values.Of course, things being what they are in this uncertain world, no one can tell for sure. People can get a long great but still just want to be friends. It sounds like he may be shy, and it might be up to you to gently broach the subject. If he's not going to, then maybe you can. Unless someone makes the first move, no one can ever tell you for sure.
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