A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I know they say you cant change anybody, they have to want to change. But then I read the stories about the guy who waits 100 days in front of a girl's window to prove his love, and eventually she comes around.I have been friends with a girl for a long time. She's real pretty and young (27) and she doesn't want a commitment. She says I am a good friend to her. I told her I like her as more than that, but she is not interested in me like that. She goes out, has short-term relationships, but can't seem to form anything long-term. It seems like when the guy gets too serious she backs off. Like I said, she's real pretty so she has lotsa options.But I am always there for her. I just wonder how much more of this I can take. I like her so much I want to be with her even if it means just friends, but when she tells me about guys she likes, it eats at me. And even if she were to stop, I know she is still dating other people so that eats at me too.I am willing to put up with the pain cos I like her so much. But I am wondering:Will I ever wear her down?Is there ever a chance for me?Will she ever see that I am the solid, stable guy for her who will always love her for the rest of her life?Or is this just a pipe dream, and she will never see me as anything more than that, and I should just resign myself to friend for the rest of my life.Thank you. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hopeFUL_romantic_13  +, writes (25 June 2011):
Hi. I'm sorry to hear about this constant heartbreak you are experiencing, but you are doing this to yourself. Don't keep clicking your red heels together, wishing and hoping she'll come around. Perhaps she has very personal reasons as to why she isn't interested in a long term relationship such as some kind of childhood trauma where she experienced too much heartache or witnessed loved ones separating/divorcing each other. Take this from someone who is also against any future commitment. Chances are she'll continue to fool around and have some fun. When and if that day comes where she changes her mind, it'll be because she has found an amazing guy who's worth putting her heart on the line for. Look for young women who ARE there for the long run. Find someone else to date and have some fun as well. Don't wait around for this one girl or else you'll be in a depression over her. That is MOST DEFINITELY NOT the path you want to travel. This is also coming from someone who knows a thing or two. If this girl happens to change her mind one day, and you still really like her, then go for it. I hope this helps and best wishes!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 June 2011):
 My crystal ball is at the repair shop so I really can't tell you if she EVER will come around, if she EVER will change her mind. EVER is a large time frame and within it anything can happen. But, I think any risk must be weighted against the odds, and only taken if these are reasonable. In your case , you are risking constant heartbreak and eventual depression, and the odds aren't so good. Why ? Because what you have to offer : solid, stable, she does not want it . She does not want committment, she backs off when things get serious , she just wants to have fun and play the field. The opposite of solid and stable. Also, maybe she does want to commit... only to somebody so special to blow her mind and rock her world, and she has trouble finding him. Alas,I think it can't be you because she knows you already, you are always there, you spend time with her, she appreciates you, and yet she tells you you are a only a good friend for her. No chemistry. You can have tons of good qualities, and they can make you in her eyes a fantastic person, but not one she can fall in love with.Again, it's up to you - some people bet, on slim odds, and win. But rationally it makes more sense that you move on and rather than try to break her resistence... try to meet someone who is willing and keen.
...............................
|
