A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone I reconnected with my ex recently and everything has been going great. We haven't been together in about 8 years so its like getting to know him all over again. He is 28. The problem is when we decided to have intercourse the other night he couldn't get an erection. I thought it was that he wasn't attracted to me so I was very dissapointed.I could also tell he was very embarrassed.He told me is was just nervous because he hadn't had sex in 4 years. I comforted him and was understanding.Fast forward to last night,I didn't initiate any sex or attempt to turn him on because I didn't want to rush him. Anyway I go in the bathroom and come out and he has this super erection. It just didn't seem real one night nothing and the next boom. It was weird because weren't being physically intimate before hand. I think he's taking Viagra because when I try to seduce him he doesn't make a move. When we were younger he was all over me.We are both in our late 20s now and I still like to be spontaneous I don't think that's possible if he has to take Viagra.So I want to know how can I tell if hes taking Viagra?And also is it normal for young men to take it?
View related questions:
erection, my ex, viagra Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 July 2019):
 Why should have he been taking Viagra ?!
What you describe is perfectly normal and usual in both cases :
- he could not have an erection because he was nervous. Just like he said. Nerves got the best of him. Stage fright. Performance anxiety. And some times, people are so excited mentally about something that they have trouble translating that psychological excitement into a physical language. What's so weird in that ?
- yes, by all means, definitely a man ( at least, a young man of 28 for sure ) can have an erection without direct stimulation or direct contact ! I'd say , more or less, it's the rule not the exception ( and you must have met your share of cold fishes in your life !, to come up with a doubt like yours ). At times, a scent is enough to give an erection. A dance move, a particular hairstyle- a SMILE can be enough.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2019): I'm no expert, but I think there are only two ways to find out if he's taking viagra: Ask him or search his belongings and hope you find evidence.
I think what 'annoyed' a lot of the other responders is: does it really matter if he's taking viagra? Seems like there are a lot of other issues that would be more important.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2019): Thank you all for your opinions. I think there was some confusion,I have never belittled him or humiliated him about anything. I stated I comforted him. But I did wonder how he became so aroused with no physical contact. But will not become aroused when we are being intimate. No I do not have a penis so I don't understand erection. But I have dated a few men in my life and this situation is new to me.
...............................
A
female
reader, OldSoulGirl +, writes (21 July 2019):
You sound like you don’t understand anything about an erection. It’s common for males to be nervous during sex just as females are. Of course it’s likely for him to not get erect because of being nervous. Guys can’t will an erection on command. Ever hear of things like “morning wood”? They can get an erection just for no real reason. You shouldn’t belittle him for it. You wouldn’t want him to be upset with you if you weren’t in the mood when he was. Just go with the flow. You’re both still young so you clearly have more to learn about sexuality, including your own.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2019): My boyfriend and me broke up for six weeks and when we first attempted to have sex he couldn't get an erection its just one of those things, he was nervous and probably overexcited he just couldn't. A few hours later and he was fine. Your boyfriend will probably struggle if you openly question him and make it an issue, they are not always going to rise to the occasion.
He was at his sexual peak 8 years ago and he will have changed and grown, little point making comparisons there.
Just enjoy your relationship and dont overthink things, he would not be back with you if he didnt like you. If you relax and have fun he will get more confidence sexually, my boyfriend was really shy when I first met him, our sex life has got better and better.
Just like you there will be factors which affect how he is, so just accept that without highlighting it as a problem because it really isnt
...............................
A
female
reader, KeW  +, writes (21 July 2019):
 Hello OP,
I understand that you are confused by this, but I feel that you may not need to be.
Plenty of men have trouble getting erections sometimes - even younger ones. He could get a check up from his doctor, but you shouldn't necessarily be the one to suggest it because embarrassing him will make it worse and will turn him off.
I'm not sure how it works in the US, but you can buy Viagra over the counter in UK pharmacies, so doctors don't have to prescribe it. You can still be spontaneous, even if he needs a little help because he can take the pill at the start of foreplay and give it time to work while you two enjoy the before stuff.
"Viagra normally starts working 30–60 minutes after you take it in oral tablet form. It may take up to two hours to work. Viagra doesn't work on its own. You'll still need to feel sexually aroused to get an erection. Feeling relaxed and comfortable can also help Viagra take effect sooner" - www.healthline.com/health/erectile-dysfunction/how-long-does-viagra-last
On another note: where do you see this going and how much have you discussed exclusivity? It's possible that the situation is making him nervous and that won't help, in addition to any "performance anxiety".
In the politest way possible, this isn't about you and it's none of your business if he takes ED medication. If he feels comfortable with you, he may eventually tell you (if he is taking any). I'd advise against trying to find out or treating him differently about it because it's something that could backfire easily and ruin whatever you have reignited.
Just enjoy what you've got and find ways to be spontaneous that aren't hindered by the possibility of ED pills.
Best of luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2019): Sorry lady but you know nothing about erection.
Sometimes all it takes is a kind, or filthy word and its all change. This can happen in minutes not 24 hours. If your attitude is the way it sounds, you may find you, and your men suffer this way for the rest of your life.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2019): *Scratching my head*
You were disappointed that he didn't get an erection, now you're asking why he's getting an erection?!!
Why can't you accept his explanation that he was nervous?
How lovely of you to show your disappointment! That was inconsiderate, and quite a display of conceit!
I'm not going to give you a biology lesson; but I will inform you that a penis is not a mechanical-instrument. It's a body-part!
Sorry, if it bruised your ego that he didn't spring-up at the mere sight of you! Sometimes it just doesn't happen! Like some women don't have orgasms!
Medication for erectile-dysfunction requires a prescription. Young men don't usually need it; and the counterfeit junk purchased over the internet may contain dangerous drugs and chemicals that could kill you! If he needed it; it could be due to some medical-issue like diabetes, or an injury.
An erection is an erection. It's either a full-one, or a partial one. No one knows but the guy having one, if he took anything to get it.
If he did take it, he'd still have to be attracted to you to stay aroused. If he wasn't attracted to you, Viagra won't keep it erect. Unless he gets priapism when it gets engorged and won't go down! That's a side-effect they warn about on TV!
Don't think of ways to humiliate him. If he rises to the occasion, take it for what it is.
...............................
|
