A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys. So, something has happened that has me so sad. I met this guy back in 2016, and I haven’t seen him for over a year. The last time we saw each other we had a fight and he unfollowed me on Instagram and I deleted him from Facebook. Haven’t seen him ever since. He did really hurt me. He wasn’t a good guy to me, he was a player. He cheated on his girlfriend with me and I said horrible stuff to him last year. My friends hate him. But. Time has passed. And I don’t know how to explain this, but somehow he’s always there in the back of my mind. I’m sure he’s the first guy I’ve ever fallen in love with. Even though he was a prick and an idiot with me, I still have strong feelings for him. I don’t know how to explain this but he made me feel a certain way that... I haven’t felt again with another guy. I still lived my life without him, even dated and almost had a boyfriend, and he did too, he had a girlfriend but they broke up last year. But somehow he always pops up in my mind. I have no idea why he means so much to me! Don’t ask me. Because I don’t know why I feel this way even after a year without seeing him. Well yesterday I got the news that he’s moving to Europe. When I found out I started crying. I felt so fucking bad I can’t even explain to you guys. I felt like... I don’t know, something was tearing me up inside. And I was so confused because... he never felt something so strong for me and I still do feel strong feelings for him. He was my first time. And I didn’t fall for him because of that, I chose him to be my first time because of how I felt for him.I sent my friend a coupe of voice messages crying and all she did was reply “I don’t know why you feel like this about him after everything he did to you. I don’t know that advice to give you because I don’t get you” I feel so misunderstood. And I feel crazy. Because I told her I felt crazy for feeling this way, and it’s like she somehow confirmed that I’m actually crazy.This is hard for me and honestly it’s stupid for me to make people understand me or get how I feel. They way I feel it’s the way I feel and if someone doesn’t get it then that’s okay. But I still feel bad.And I don't know, I need some encouragement words because honestly all I feel is like I’ll never get a chance to cross him on the street, I’ll never be able to see him again. My sister moved to Europe this year too. And my aunt is thinking about leaving with my cousins too. It’s like I’m feeling loss all the time, I can’t handle this :(Just tell me I’m not insane and this is completely normal :( I don’t know why I feel like I’m going to miss someone i haven’t seen for over a year. But we did have history, and I really did fall for him - no one ever made me feel the way he did. And the worst thing is I don’t know why, because all he ever did was hurt me.And also it's like all the memories I have with him just come back to me, all the things I did wrong, all the fights we had, all the things I just could've done better just to be with him... all the things I said to him when I was mad, all the things he did to me... like kissing another girl in front of my sister AFTER telling my sister how cute I was and how she's his sister in law... it just comes back to me and I feel terrible because I just cant leave the past behind.I feel like I lost him again. Never felt this heartbroken before :(
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female
reader, 0livia  +, writes (20 April 2020):
 Either you REAAAAALLY messed up or he didnt really love you im sorry to say. If a guy really loves a girl, he wouldnt up and leave to another part of the world cos that would give another guy an opportunity to shoot their shot. And thats something that DESTROYS a man who loves you. He may have also either been hurt, offended or maybe even saw a side of u during that last interaction u had.
When a guy looks at you as someone he wants to smash - nothing can make him think otherwise BUT if you are able to turn him off.. he'll never see you as wifey again
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2019): You are young and you will learn that love is a very VERY rare thing. It's often used to describe many other feelings and states of mind that has nothing to do with love.
First of all,you can not love someone whom you don't really know (which is the case with you and this guy). You can be attracted to him, you can even like some of his good qualities, but you cannot love him.
For some reason, you got obsessed with him. That is the right word and and answer to your question why you keep thinking about him - OBSESSION. And make no mistake, more often than not it is BECAUSE someone treated you badly and not in spite of it. Sounds counter-intuitive, but it is true. He triggered something in you. Maybe it's plain old something you cannot have adagio, maybe it is something else. And this is a good thing to have in mind - you NEVER had him, so you couldn't have lost him even once, let alone twice.
No wonder your friends cannot understand you because, they are not obsessed with him. As long as you do not change the attitude towards yourself, you'll keep romanticizing something that was, sorry for this OP, pretty ugly from the very start. He cheated on his gf with you. He kept playing around and teasing you.
He's not the issue, but if you don't deal with what really is, he'll be just the first in the long line of jerks you'll be falling for, in your own words "inexplicably". But there's no mystery. You define "love" and how people should treat you in a certain way. When you realize that what he did was WRONG ans stop romanticizing it, you will have changed that definition and move on.
He's not special. There are many people like him out there, men or women. They like to be liked. They feed off other people's interest in them. They pretend that they are interested or that they really like someone, when in truth what they seek is the thrill of the moment. They are like energy/emotion vampires. Some go as far as to burst into elaborate public displays of affection, really leading their "victims", for the lack of the better word, to believe that they are crazy about them and when the bubble bursts there is nothing there, because there was nothing to begin with.
You are young and have time to get to the bottom of whatever it is that is leading you to wrongly define this obsession as love.
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