A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:dear cupid, i need your help. i am a virgin and i have been in a relationship for almost six months now. my boyfriend has had sex before and lately hes been hinting that he wants to have sex with me. i was a little scared at first and i kind of felt like he was peer pressuring me into it ( also ive heard it hurts the first time.) but i decided i was ready and told him this and he backed off completely. i was very taken aback, i mean, he brought it up in the first place. i would be fine with him not being ready but i dont think thats the issue here as he has done it before. am i not good enough to have sex with? why did he do it with his ex, try to get me to do it and then decide he doesnt want to? his mixed signals are confusing me and i could really use your advice
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (30 October 2014):
 The best person to ask is him. Men are less picky about sexual partners than you think. First time sex can be a nervous experience for him too. He's had sex but he has to worry about how you feel, the blood, the awkwardness. If his ex was a virgin too maybe he had an unpleasant experience that makes him want to delay that with you.
A second possible problem is where to do it. For teenagers sex is almost always a sneaky, taboo thing to do. They have to wait till parents aren't home and even then, they don't feel right doing it under parents' roof. Although he wants to do it in the back of his mind he thinks it's not a great idea. People also have the habit of fantasizing it and not do it in real life. Maybe he just wants to be able to talk about it and hear you say you want to do it. Doesn't mean he's really ready.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (29 October 2014):
 It could have been a cruel "test" to see if you'd go along with his desirs. I think it was a silly way to approach the whole subject and my advice would be to find a more mature young man to give your virginity up to preferable the one you marry. (old school talking there).
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