A
male
age
41-50,
*owlofOranges
writes:Hello all,Well I've been with my girlfriend with seven months now and we have the kind of relationship that I'm sure would make an outside observer a bit ill...lots of cuddling, lots of "I love you"s and "I love you more"s -- in other words, very smooth sailing up to this point.Recently I got involved with a political campaign organization...I'm a political science major and it's my passion. The problem is that it does occupy a bit of my time and one of the co-organizers is another female. This is new territory for my girlfriend as I am a bit of a loner, don't spend much time with others, and she basically has had me to herself.To get to the point, her reaction to my new activity has been horrible. She cries when I go to a meeting, she cries when I have to take or make a phone call, and has accused me in the past week (on incredibly flimsly evidence) of sleeping with this other woman, whom she is sure is out to steal me away.I'm at a loss here. I've tried dealing with it directly (rational discussion) and I've tried to ignore it and let her sort it out herself. Neither has worked.I'm starting to resent her, even though I have told her my feelings toward her haven't changed.Please if anyone has any suggestions or general advice I would greatly appreciate it! Thank you! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): Well, I would go to relationship counseling with her, personally. She has some issues that need professional help.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): Obviously you have to work and you're going to deal with more women at some point in your life so this is an issue she needs to work through. All you can do is facilitate this by comforting her. Try communicating on an emotional level. Rationalizing with her, explaining away evidence, etc. won't make her feel secure. Just let her know you still care.
I'll warn you though. This could get ugly. Some people have deep seeded trust issues and they simply won't change. If she gets controlling or vindictive, cut your losses and find a healthier relationship.
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A
female
reader, Temper212 +, writes (5 November 2007):
I always think that communication is key. Sit her down at an opportune time (like when she's calm) and ask some questions about how she feels. Showing the interest in how she feels and what she thinks will reassure her in a way that you care about her for one thing.But the main purpose of this exercise is to understand where she is coming from and try and provide a solution. Using her reasons for panicking as a sketchbook for explanations of your own feelings (ONLY after she's done with what she has to say) may help her to understand YOU better in return.Try inviting her to an event with her? Or if you can, maybe putting one of your phone calls on speaker phone, as a show that you have nothing to hide.I went through a phase like this with my fiance, and it took him talking with me like this to try to find out why I was freaking out to make me realize that he cares and doesn't have motivation to cheat or leave.I hope this helps. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, PM  +, writes (5 November 2007):
 That's a rough situation you're in, but totally understandable so I hope I can help.Most women suffer from a fear of losing their partner to another woman. Some think that this fear is biological, coming from a time when if a woman was abandoned with her child, it was likely that both she and her child would die. This fear could also be a social construct, though that in itself is a little more intricate to explain that can be done so here. What she's basically expressing is her fear that you will leave her. If you and your gf are on sexual terms, the best thing for you to do is to have sex with her since it signals that you're there with her and that you love her so much that you just have to have her. Another thing that you could do is to talk about the thing that is unique about her. She, on some level, may be threatened by the fact that your co-worker is also involved in politics and so you and her have that in common. Put on top of that the fact that you see political science as your OWN passion and your gf might conclude that since you and your co-worker have this thing in common that's an incredibly important thing to you, that your co-worker may suddenly become important to you. You need to dissuade this. The message should be that, your work is your path in life, but she is the only person you want to take with you on that journey because of the fact that there's something about her that's unique and you could never find in another woman.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2007): hey hello
well friend its same as my friends situation.just try to spend alot of time with her oyur girlfriend whom u love alot,try to get her secured that u only belong to her..and her place cannot be taken by anyone else.she must be having alot of doughts about u so u try to clear it from her mind before shes goes worse..
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