A
female
age
30-35,
*zHeStEr09
writes:I am 16 years old and will be 17 in december and I am with a guy thats 18 and well my parents strongly don't agree with what im doing. I am white and he is black, but see that don't bother me...But it seems to bother my parents. What can i honestly do to get out of the house...I live with my grandmother and grandfather because my dad works during the day and when he comes home he is tired and wel i just have always lived with my grandparents....My gma is ALWAYS tell me how fat i am and i only weigh 135 and so there isnt much there,and im really tired of being called fat she is always on me about it. I really wanna marry my boyfriend, i true love him with all my heart, i have been down the hard road ALOT in my years but this time its totally different, we don't have to have sex to make eachother happy, just being with eachother is enough. I want to get out of the house how can I do it...I don't wanna get married till after highschool or have a baby, but how can i get out and live with my boyfriend that has a job and a car and his parents?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2007): Well, I don't think you need to be thinking about getting out of the house just yet.....you are still a kid really, and what will you do if things don't work out with your boyfriend, can you support yourself alone? What if you do get pregnant, the where will you be? Your boyfriend still lives with his parents? It takes a lot more than a car and a job and a room with parents to make it work....take your time don't be in such a hurry to grow up. Your parents don't like what you are doing for a reason, they are more experienced in life than you are and are trying to protect you from making a bad choice.....the fact that your boyfriend is black is the leas to their worries. They need to know that you are mature enough to be on your own, in fact you have never gone through that important stage of being on your own without a parent to depend on or a boyfriend, It is an important stage of developing who you really are as an individual. Think about furthering your education past high school, instead of getting out of the house...developing some interests and some skills that you can use to make a living will make you feel better about yourself so that when someone calls you fat, it won't mean as much as what you have to accomplish. Take care.
A
female
reader, Temper212 +, writes (5 November 2007):
I know that you don't want to hear this- but it is probably a good idea to stick with your parents (or grandparents)
I understand the feeling of parents or grandparents not agreeing with something that you are ok with- and that's certainly not why I say you should stay.
I say you should stay based on the fact that staying in a stable home for as long as you can would be very beneficial. It's far harder to save money, continue your education, and pursue a personal life when you live with a boyfriend.
Congrats and great move to stick with your education through high school- but what about after that?
You sound like you understand some of the general ideas behind stability- but a job and car only goes so far.
Like I said before, I'm in no way saying he's a bad guy! But before you take that huge step of moving in, consider the future- does he have his eyes on higher education? If not, what kind of job will he be getting in the future? Will it be enough? If so, how will the two of you pay for it? Will you be able to get a higher education?
So, there's a LOT more to moving out than just the pain that your gma is being (I've gotten the same comments from my own- so I really am talking from experience!) It sucks, but it can be dealt with, and will make you stronger.
And belive me, I went down a long hard road growing up myself. I'm still going through it. But I know I can't afford to blow it all off. I'm getting my college education, and will be getting married next year to the man I've been dating for 6 years, and I'm still figuring it all out. I'm 23, btw.
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