A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My son who's 10 has tried to runaway several times. It is very distressing for my husband and me. Our boy seems perfectly happy at home and it seems in school too but when he doesn't get what he wants on the spot he often gets into one of his bad moods. The thing he usually wants is to be taken out to restaurants every day that are really quite pricey. One time we took him out to Mickey D's and you should have seen how upset he got, throwing a tantrum - he was only seven then. It's very strange to see a young kid taking an instant dislike to a fast food place. My sister’s kids jump at the chance to go when they visit us. He has very expensive tastes - I find that's ridiculous for a kid of his age. Usually he runs away when we refuse to take him out. My husband is the one who often has to search for him, when he does he does the disciplining and he grounds him often but he every time our boy is as bad as ever demanding we spend more on him. I don’t know what to do; we are just losing money on pointless things. My husband and I are having a very rocky relationship because I don’t believe that he should be disciplined. I desperately need advice!
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male
reader, Uncle Trev +, writes (29 February 2008):
If your son has not been disciplined how is he going to know right from wrong?
He is doing these things because you let him and is getting away with it because you choose to let him get away with it. A few firm rules and standing by them would help but you will never have any control if all you choose to do is hand all the control over to him.
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (28 February 2008):
 What form of discipline does your husband use to discipline your son? Both of you need to sit down and agree here. Kids are clever, they can see that by throwing a tantrum they can get the better of you, it's their way of trying to get control, if they see it works then it will continue.
Tell him from now on you will go out to eat once a week. One day dad can choose where to go, next time you and next time your son. If he's not happy at that then fine, you don't go out to eat period. Of course he won't be happy at that but stick to your guns and work TOGETHER with your husband instead of arguing with one another all the time. If your son sees that you are both putting up a united front then it's no use him putting on the riot act as it won't get him anywhere.
When you start this you know he's going to put up a fight but stand your ground and above all be consistent! DON'T GIVE IN TO HIM. Stand by what you said. If he continues to shout and scream then send him to his room for 10 minutes then go up after 10 minutes and tell him he can come down again. When a child has a time out (asking them to stand or sit in a certain area for a certain amount of time when they play up) it's fair practise to get them to stay there for one minute per year of their age, in other words your son is 10 years old so he would have his time out for 10 minutes, a 5 year old would have their time out for 5 minutes, a minute for every year. Keep your eye on him, don't let him come out his room for that 10 minutes and make sure you lock the doors so he can't run away).
Once he sees that you and your husband are in charge and are taking control again and more importantly you YOU say goes, then he'll soon fall into line again. When he behaves well then tell him. Suggest going out one night to a place of his choice or doing something else with him instead, eg bowling, ice skating, cinema, paint balling etc. Do things together as a family, that way you're all spending quality time together.
If you and your husband pull together on this and do this for ONE MONTH, I guarantee you'll see big changes in your son.
~Eve~
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A
female
reader, Dawnie +, writes (28 February 2008):
 You and your husband need to work as a team and stick to what you say. I know it's hard at times but you really need to do this. Children quickly realise if they can play their parents off against each other and all that does is cause friction and make the problems worse. Children need boundries, they need to know what is acceptable and what isn't. My daughter(7) at times hates being told she can't have something and she will sulk for a while, when she realises it won't get her anywhere she is fine and back to her happy little self. My son used to be the same, now he knows that if he wants to have something he has to earn it, he is quite happy with that. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (28 February 2008):
 Children are manipulative little creatures from the time they come into this world. As parents, it's our duty to teach them what they can and can't get away with and "No" is a perfectly acceptable answer to many of their outrageous requests. It also teaches them how to handle rejection and disappointment. Your son may be requesting these things because he sees it as a demonstration of your love. I think you'd be wise to seek family counseling. You may also need to practice a bit of tough-love to keep your son's schemes from becoming more and more elaborate attempts to win your love. He needs to understand that just because you say "No" to a request, does not mean you don't love him. I've found books written by Dr. James Dobson to be useful to parents who are facing the difficult task of raising a strong-willed child. I wish you the best.
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