A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met the girl of my dreams last summer. We hit it off quickly and it wasn't long before we changed our status on facebook to 'in a relationship'. We live in different towns, but would meet up a couple of times a week. Then we stayed at each other's and did the whole meet the parents thing. That went well. I really thought i'd found the one, after looking for so long. She boosted my confidence and we shared a bizarre sense of humour. After seeing each other for a month, I was invited to a family get together, but unfortunately I came down with a really unpleasant stomache bug, which lasted for a few weeks.I stayed away, and maybe because I didn't contact her all the time, things started to go wrong. I now know someone else started talking to her online that lives closer. We met again after a short break. It was going well, but I wanted to talk about something personal, a bit delicate. She could have been an adult about it, but her reaction was to get moody, storm off, cry and shout (in public). I was shocked. This was the first of a few evenings that ended like this. She would just storm off, sometimes I didn't even know why! After a few months of good times/bad times, I was feeling like I wanted out of this. One night, we had another row and I said shall we just end this? She agreed. The problem for me is, the core of me had fallen in love with her. I didn't realise how much until we split. It didn't take long for me to start missing her, so I contacted her again. Nothing was resolved. I gave it a while and then sent her an email telling her I missed her. She eventually replied telling me not to contact her anymore because she was with someone else and happy, so soon after our split. She told me she would be on her own for a while too. I was so shocked and hurt. I travelled to her house to speak face to face, but she was so cold, like all feelings had been switched off. I've tried so hard not to contact her since, but i've been weak a few times. I have so many unanswered questions. I've been obsessivly thinking about the split since October (3 months) and i'm really not looking forward to Valentines day. I hate the fact that she is with someone else. Can't be sure but I think it could have been going on at the same time. This would explain why we were having so many silly tiffs. But then again, she often said she loved me and felt proud to be with me. It's all so confusing. I just want to feel happy again, but it's like someone has crapped on me from a great height. I know I wasn't perfect either, but I was always open and honest. How can I stop hoping they will split up and she will come back to me? It's not going to happen but I keep holding onto the 1% chance she will decide she's made a mistake?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. I think i'm just not that clued up when it comes to long term relationships. Took it for granted until it went, then I craved what i'd lost back. Why do we do that?? I know I acted foolishly with all the unwelcome contact, but in my head I was thinking it's better to regret the things you have done, than to regret the things you haven't done. I wanted to win her back, away from this guy that i feel was waiting in the background everytime we had any difficults, didn't even know he was a threat to us until it ended. It was such a short time between being told i'm wonderful and handsome to being reduced to feeling like a stalker (which i'm not, the messages were not constant, just the odd one, and I stupidly contacted a couple of her friends to ask her to talk to me, she did not like that) But we just had one argument to many. Just words ruined everything. I have already removed all reminders and I'm talking to someone else now who is turning out to be very special. Still getting major pangs of sadness though, as I have so many memories connected to our short time together. I've never been thorugh anything like this before, it's all new to me, feel very sad she's gone and I still feel like we'll meet up again one day and talk about what went wrong. I really cared about her, but I messed up by being too serious at times, and maybe not romantic enough, but it all happened so fast and I thought we had some good times ahead, or hoped. I think she really cared about me too, but her feelings were switched off so quicky. The whole thing caused her major upset too. I looke at how some men treat their partners, I was quite a gentleman, but did express my opinions, which were not always what she wanted to hear. It's just so hard for me to understand. I feel like i'm just not good enough sometimes. I have to let it go, but still have a strange feeling one day she might contact me again. Maybe i'm wrong. Time will tell, and hopefully by then I will look at this with from another perspective.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. I think i'm just not that clued up when it comes to long term relationships. Took it for granted until it went, then I craved what i'd lost back. Why do we do that?? I know I acted foolishly with all the unwelcome contact, but in my head I was thinking it's better to regret the things you have done, than to regret the things you haven't done. I wanted to win her back, away from this guy that i feel was waiting in the background everytime we had any difficults, didn't even know he was a threat to us until it ended. It was such a short time between being told i'm wonderful and handsome to being reduced to feeling like a stalker (which i'm not, the messages were not constant, just the odd one, and I stupidly contacted a couple of her friends to ask her to talk to me, she did not like that) But we just had one argument to many. Just words ruined everything. I have already removed all reminders and I'm talking to someone else now who is turning out to be very special. Still getting major pangs of sadness though, as I have so many memories connected to our short time together. I've never been thorugh anything like this before, it's all new to me, feel very sad she's gone and I still feel like we'll meet up again one day and talk about what went wrong. I really cared about her, but I messed up by being too serious at times, and maybe not romantic enough, but it all happened so fast and I thought we had some good times ahead, or hoped. I think she really cared about me too, but her feelings were switched off so quicky. The whole thing caused her major upset too. I looke at how some men treat their partners, I was quite a gentleman, but did express my opinions, which were not always what she wanted to hear. It's just so hard for me to understand. I feel like i'm just not good enough sometimes. I have to let it go, but still have a strange feeling one day she might contact me again. Maybe i'm wrong. Time will tell, and hopefully by then I will look at this with from another perspective.
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A
male
reader, Tom Obler +, writes (28 January 2013):
 Hi,
She told you by email not to contact her anymore and she was also cold towards you face to face. I feel you should now leave her alone and not contact her anymore. It is my belief that this is all over. Even if she did split with the new guy, then I do not think she would come back to you. If you continue to hope and hold onto her coming back then this will only be a waste of your own energy. I'm afraid that sadly your time with this girl is over. Sorry, but it's only my opinion though. If she was wanting to come back, she would have already. Thanks.
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A
female
reader, chinana  +, writes (28 January 2013):
 Dear OP, i am sorry that you are going through such a horrible time. But from my own experience once the person you love decides to move onto the next relationship and pretty much leave you in the cold, they are heartless and spinless and really dont deserve the attention they get thereafter. Its pointless trying to win her back because she has shown you colours and count your lucky stars it happened now and not years down the road. If you did something wrong then she would have said something if she cared.You will just have to accept that the relationship is over and she has moved on. It hurts a lot but you must stop contacting her. Get rid of anything that reminds you of her. This is the first step towards your moving on. If she moved on so quickly then it means she probably didnt value what you had as much as you did and you owe it to yourself to do the same MOVE ON. Take time out to heal if you need to eventually you will meet someone else and your ex will be a distant memory. Goodluck OP.
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