A
female
age
30-35,
*ola29
writes:hello everyone! I've been in a relationship for 2 and a half years with a wonderful person, but unfortunately quite recently hes been too overprotective and really insecure. An example would be for example: if i moved out of my seat in a restaurant for a few seconds, hed ask me in a serious tone "where are you going" and this has happened a lot! everywhere i go, i have to tell him! not only that, but he constantly thinks i flirt and that i cheat or im trying to find someone else, coz i dont give him too much attention. the only reason ive been abit distant is coz im pissed at the amount of accusations and the amount of questioning i have to go through. another thing, he's demanded all my passwords for anything i have to check what ive been doing, and this is so all of a sudden. All this has resulted in me fighting a lot with him, over small things, and i am not happy with the way ive been handling everything, coz i end up looking like a psycho to him sometimes and he doesnt get why i act like this. i dont want to lose him and i feel that i am, hes recently told me hes sick of the fights and that im aggravating him. this hurt me so i just told him off.. its like he doesnt think hes started it all with his insecurities that i cant possible help to eliminate!!i wish i could so im here asking for advice for 1)) his insecurities and his very unpopular ways of protecting me 2)) the constant fights and how to calm myself down 3)) how can i show him i love him and show him i appreciate. thank you!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2010): you need to talk to him and ask him about his insecurity and the fact the you both been together for 2 and half years, then what has changed?
ask him about his feeling, and assure him that you want him and love him and you already choose him.
sometimes men act weired when they hear stories about other couples (cheat,problem, etc), so maybe that what is going with him.
take time together to be about of all these problem go on trip or something this way, you'll have all the time to show each other love and to overcome these problems.
good luck
A
female
reader, jodieleigh  +, writes (5 September 2010):
 tell him the truth. tell him your freaked by this change in him and if he doesn't want to lose you he has to change. tell him that he makes you so happy and you love him .. just be honest and ask him what ever made him think that you don't love him anymore.. make a vow to anyone that you love him.. ie, put it up on facebook that you boyfriend whateverhisname is the best person ever.
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A
female
reader, sarahrose20  +, writes (5 September 2010):
i can help you on the fight9ng cuz i go through this everday BEFORE it gets turned into any go up n give him a hug n a big smile n say i love you. Im going to go sit in the room for a couple minutes for some alone time then come out when your ready n go straight to him n give him another hug n while your holding him say i just get soo frustrated with you because....n explain why
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2010): Honey- you need to quit calling his actions "protecting" and call it what it is "controlling". This behavior is dangerous and will increase in time. It often leads to physical abuse, as his non-physical efforts will not continue to generate the desires he (irrationally) wants.
Your fights are a result of you being controlled and (correctly) resenting it. You need to give him an ultimatum to STOP all the questioning, accusations & demands - give him a deadline and a clear report of what will happen, and then HOLD TO IT!
He will likely change for a very short period of time, and you'll likely fall for it (as it's what you want) and then he'll likely fad back to being the unrecovered person that he is. You need to terminate this relationship at the first transgression, or at least call a serious timeout for at least one week (2 would be better) with ZERO contact. If he can feel the serious ramifications of his action you might have a chance for him to see what he's doing and WORK TO CHANGE HIMSELF. You can NOT change him... only HE can change himself.
By NOT making him feel the consequences of his actions, you are TELLING him that it's acceptable to you. STOP this!
Good luck, and in your future relationships, try to identify the personality traits that attracted you to him, they're signs your about to repeat this experience.
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