A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Few weeks ago split from a yr long r.ship. We are in our 30's. He had only just split with someone when we met. She caused him a few probs but after couple of months we heard no more. Or so i thought. I didnt ever feel i could trust this guy but my daughter adored his daughter so when we argued and split, i let him talk me round everytime. Wrong i know, but i didnt want to upset my daughter. And for a while he would convince me it was all in my head.When we eventually split recently, he admitted he had been in touch with his ex all along. (i dont know if he was sleeping with her i dont wish to know)In our arguments i accused him of still being in touch with her, he always denied it.He also admitted taking my mobile phone a few months ago, even though at the time he denied it to myself and my 12 yr old son. And swore on his daughters life.The problem now is i am still so angry with him! I feel like ive been taken for a fool for a year and its taking over my brain! Ive hurled abuse at him in txt when he has tried to appologise for lying, he says everyone makes mistakes. But my daughter is mortified that she cant see his daughter anymore and i cant get this anger out my head! Ive changed my mobile number and told him to stay away from us.But how do you stop being so angry?The amount of times we spoke and i asked him not to waste mine or my kids time and he would say he would never hurt me or my kids.Only ever been with decent people before him so this is a new one on me.Just want to stop being so flippin angry about something i cant change now?!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk is it so wrong to write to his ex telling her exactly what happened with him & what he said about her? Yes, if im honest it makes me feel better but also my mum dated a guy years ago that she got pregnant with my brother with and his wife (that my mum thought he was divorced from) wrote her a 4 page a4 letter explaining what a liar he was and that he used to ring her when he was in bed next to her. Obviously my mum didnt get with him again & if it wasnt for his wife, she might of been hurt even more. Why shouldnt we warn other people about these guys & girls that are rats? I know i shouldnt of done it but i put the old sim in my phone tonight & there was a txt on there saying sorry ***** i didnt want to tell you but it wouldnt of been fair if i didnt xx which was supposedly meant for his ex. The stars are her name.
What do you think?
xxx
A
male
reader, Playgroundcops  +, writes (25 July 2007):
Find your happy place. Look at your children, think happy thoughts FOR them. Then realize that you probably saved them from a worse fate. The guy was a dishonest critten and that's not your fault. Trusting someone is a really hard thing to do but you'll never be able to trust anyone unless you trust someone. That being said, understand that sometimes, you may be taken. That's life. Don't blame yourself. He has a screw loose and some issues that will haunt him into his elderly years.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for replying, what a great site! My daughter is 10 and a half. Its weird because she didnt particularly like him, just his daughter hehe. But me and her are very close and the nights he didnt stop here (we didnt live together) she used to sleep in my bed, he didnt like that. Said at the age of 10 she shouldnt be doing that. His daughter was the same age, i think thats why my daughter and his got on so well.I was ok til a couple of days ago, when my daughter said to me 'do you think she has met a new best friend by now?'I felt like crying, but didnt obviously, then the next morning i just woke up and felt so angry towards him, and its been chewing me up since. You're right though, i know its negative and i need to stop it. If im honest i know deep down i didnt love him, i have very good instincts and wouldnt fall for someone non trustworthy. But i just wish i had never met him, for my daughters sake.My mum says 'you were too good for him and let him get on with his couselling (he says hes going to counselling to sort his head out) and be grateful you didnt fall for a liar'Im taking my 2 to the cinema friday. That will take all our minds off it all.I just know i cant meet anyone else for a few years now because i cant put my kids through that again, and my instincts are good, but im not a mind reader. I dont want to make the same mistake again. My kids are more important to me than that.Thanks again for the reply.You guys are doing a very valuable thing in herexxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (25 July 2007):
 You're right, you can't change the kind of person he is. To me he is devious and a pathalogical liar and he'll always be that way. He'll say ANYTHING to have a quiet life, even swear on his daughter's life! You would never be able to trust him and I think it was in your best interests to finish this relationship. You are obviously not compatible and in time, as your daughters grew up they would start to take sides and have all this anger inside them too as they would hear your constant arguments all the time.
Every time you start to get angry, say to yourself "he's winning here and I don't want him to win, he's not worth it" then start to calm down. He really is more to be pitied, he has a big problem with lying and he's a coward as he can't own up to it and will tell you anything you want to hear to save his own skin.
Don't let your anger get the better of you. Anger is a very negative emotion and you will derive nothing positive from being angry. It won't change things and it certainly won't make you feel better, it will only eat away at you so take some deep breaths, tell yourself he isn't worth your time then think of something positive. You're well rid of him now! Tell yourself that and that alone should start to make you feel better.
If your daughter asks why you're not with him any more then tell her he wasn't a very nice person and there's lots of other nice friends out there that she can meet. If she's under 10 years old she should accept that.
Eve
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