A
female
age
36-40,
*onfus3d
writes:I am 23 and my bf is 25. We are committed. But there is little uncertainty in getting married. We are quite close and it has become tough for us not to get physical. I mean, I personally want to wait until our marriage and I am unable to convince him. It doesn't mean like I am denying all kind of intimacy or shying away. I really respect his state. And I genuinely try to make him feel wanted and loved as much he makes me feel good. But I don't want any kind of regrets if things go wrong. He will definitely not force me but he is trying to make me understand that it is not wrong. I am not telling whether premarital sex is wrong or right ( Well even then I'm quite religious and he's not). I love him so much , how can I stay strong in my belief and not hurt him or disappoint him also. If everything falls in place we have at least 2-3 years to get married. Please help.
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female
reader, confus3d +, writes (20 May 2012):
confus3d is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo tell one more fear..it will be our first time and he'll be leaving back on the same night and from second day we'll again get hell lot of busy. I don't want the experience to be like just going for a movie or a dinner. That's why I want to wait until marriage..:( I think we will need to be emotionally available for longer time. Being in LDR,we'll miss each other too much afterwards.
So I definitely need to tell him a 'no'...when we meet I'll tell the above I somehow feel that'll convince him..
A
female
reader, confus3d +, writes (20 May 2012):
confus3d is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Starlights, Tisha, Denise & The realist.
@ Tisha
We know each other for 6 years now though fell in love 2 yrs ago. We actually are in a long distance relationship. So get to meet 6-7 times a year. We both want to get married soon. Currently have professional & family responsibilities which will not let us stay together soon enough.
We will be meeting next month. This is when he thinks we may really get physical. I am not ready mentally yet.
Yes I am ready to let him go and wait. But I'm sure he will not leave me just because I deny to have sex before marriage. Even if marriage was very sure I guess I would say no.
I have openly discussed with him and conveyed him to wait but he is so confident that he'll convince me lol. :)
I really really respect his feelings and if I don't succeed in convincing him he'll succeed anyway..I mean I really will not have regrets even then.. But but the part of me says to wait and we really can, he just need to co operate with me.
So how to say 'no' convincingly?...whew..I love him...
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (20 May 2012):
 Both of you have your decisions to make here. Neither is wrong or right but both people have to decide what lifestyle choice they can live with. Personally I know that I could not wait to marriage and don't beleive in it so it would be unfortunate but I would never stay with a girl who wanted to wait.
He won't be able to fake his beliefs for the next few years just as you shouldn't. Both people actually have to believe in what they are doing. I hope you two are able to find a way to make it work.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (20 May 2012):
 By the way, how long have you been a couple, how did you meet and when did he ask you to marry him? Thanks for the extra info.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 May 2012):
Alternatively, you could decide that it is unfair on him to make him wait 2, 3 or even 4 years. Perhaps the best thing would be to let him go, until you are actually free to marry. This may be one of those all too common situations where the timing is unfortunate. Life is so short, why not focus on your living situation and your goals, whatever those are that are keeping you from marrying him this year, and then when you have accomplished those goals then you are free to find love?
Right now, all you have is an "If." "IF everything falls into place, we have at least 2-3 years to get married." That's a really big IF for such a long time period. What is it, if things DON'T fall into place, we have 5-10 years to get married? Or marriage will never happen?
You are 23 years old. You are old enough and wise enough to decide for yourself, I think. I don't know if the culture you find yourself in agrees with you.
I'd let him go, hope that he doesn't find someone as wonderful as you and when you ARE actually free to marry and able to do so, then he'll be ready and available as well. Isn't that true love, to allow him to chase his own happiness?
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (20 May 2012):
 I agree with the responses from Starlights and Tisha 1. I would only add that if you do decide to have sex with your bf make sure you use reliable birth control! i.e., go on the pill or ask him to use a condom.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 May 2012):
Why can't you get married in say, 6 months? If you are so close and see each other so often?
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A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (19 May 2012):
 If he loves you he will respect your decision to wait until you want to have sex.
Its not wrong to have sex and its not wrong to have sex its totally your decision to do as you wish.
3 years is not so long if you waited so long anyway
Goodluck
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