A
female
age
30-35,
*his_years_love
writes:alright. i have searched my general topic and am aware there are HUNDREDS of people asking related questions and getting answers..but before you pass this off as being another student teacher relationship question...hear me out! it's a bit of a read and the real question is after the intro...but it is nessisary to read this through to get a good answer.i am 18 in early 2008 (so just over 3 months)when i was 16 i met an absolutely amazing man (who ofcourse also happened to be my 27 year old teacher) when i started at a school after moving to australia. i had him for one course one year and another the next...we hit it off amazingly well. the first semester i had him we would all out flirt...i would stay after class and we would talk about EVERYTHING from tv shows to music to past jobs to our hometowns...i shamlessly flirted with him and he did back-quite obviously and unmistakably. i soon realized i quite liked him and had a crush on him we didn't have any contact over summer but started chatting online at the beginning of my next year. at the beginning we would talk for hours on end nearly every night(the first night we chatted from 4 to 11 pm...7 hours) and would go on webcam and use the microphone. Over the course of that month we became very close and would talk about alot of personal things that were going on in our lives or that had happened in the past(rarely discussing anything of relevance to our school life). we found that we had nearly every thing in common, and the small things which we didn't, we constantly teased eachother about. we talked about our past, present, and futur and as our relationship progressed i found that simple crush becoming more..i was falling in love with him- and it became extremely obvious that the feelings i had started to feel towards him were being reciprocated-as 'wrong' as that may seam.By the end of the first month, we would never get through a class without several periods of intense eye contact. often i would be looking down and look up only to meet his eyes and hold his gaze for a while before one of us would look away. this particular class involved alot of outdoor experience, and on one camp without tents he slept fairly close a row across from me and i wokeup before everyone else at dawn to find that he was just staring at me with his chin propped up in his hand and smiling...there were many times like this that erased any question i had about his feelings.Things didn't last long, however, and after a bit under a month he became very cold towards me, became angry over small things, started ignoring me...i finally worked up the courage one weekend to ask him what was wrong online one day and he ignored me and so i told him i'd like to fix whatever was wrong and couldn't change anything to make things better if he wouldn't tell me what was going wrong. we agreed to talk on monday and i left more confused than i'd come. He started off well saying that there were limits as to how far our relationship could go and he wanted to makesure i understood that. i myself am an experienced coach and i told him i did understand that there were limitations and asked him what i could change so that he'd be less uncomfortable. He explained all the things i have just mentioed apart from the eye contact and THEN turned around and said..and i quote(just put in stutters on your own to make this realistic LOL)..."but it isn't innapropriate..it has never been...yeah..actually..i reckon it's a good thing..i really like that we talk after class and online and i think we should keep talking...as long as we know the limits..and DONT FLIRT WITH THOSE LIMITS!!!!" he then hurried away and left me sitting there. needless to say things became very awkward and we barely talked after that...maybe a few times a month at most...but they were still quite good conversations. after a while i moved a few hours away and got a drunken text from him which basically said we couldnt catch up before i left because he was having too much sex. we spoke once when i visited the school to pick up some things but haven't spoken since, exept for me to tell him that i am going back to Canada...which brings me to the question..after all we went through and how close we were i can't help but feel that i would like to atleast have a decent friendship with this man..as cruel as he became to me i know that he is a wonderful man and i know how good of a friend he can be. i need to know if and how i can let him know i'd like to move on and past this, and would like to see him before i leave if for nothing else but to gain a bit of closure for myself.thanks y'all
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): Ahhh this sounds exactly like my situation! You poor thing- loving a teacher is so hard! But, now that you don't like him anymore (I can't BELIEVE he told you he's been having too much sex! Good joke) I think you need to email this guy (if you still have his email) and just tell him that you still would love to have a friendship with him, as you are almost at the legal age, so it wouldn't be weird. Seriously, ask him what his problem is. Can't you guys at least talk online? And who knows- something may become of it, but you can at least ask him if you two can still be friends, he seems like quite a guy (and quite bipolar like my teacher!) anyway, good luck no matter what happens!
A
male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (9 October 2007):
Send him holidy cards with your pictures (nonsexual)and write a remeberance of him as a teacher and motivator.
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A
female
reader, this_years_love +, writes (9 October 2007):
this_years_love is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks guys lol but for anyone else who may read this i want to make it VERY clear i AM NOT INTERESTED IN HIM ROMANTICALLY..not anymore anyway and i haven't been for a few months now.being away really helped with that so i could move on. i simply want a way to move past this coldness and awkwardness that has come from our past and have a decent friendship in the futur..i just don't know how to go about doing it seeing as we haven't spoken in months and he still treats me as though i'm some risk to him when all i want is to be on good terms..i just don't know how to talk to him about this! any suggestions??
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (8 October 2007):
There is no good relationship that can come from this situation beyond friends. You would be hurting him if you press the issue. Find a different boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, Amy2007x  +, writes (8 October 2007):
 Well why dont u suggest that you and him could keep in touch since u do not go to the school no longer?
coz theres this teacher in my school and all of his former pupils have his email address and sumtimes he goes to lunch with them... arent they the lucky ones eh?
btw how did u get his email address what di u say to him :S
my teachers gives out his email address to anyone tht asks but i dnt wanna make it obivious
message me and we can talk more in dept about this i wnt
xx
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