A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am a married woman ( 6 years) who has been having an affair with a younger man for four years. My lover and i only see each other once every two months or so, we usually spend one night together during that time, although we speak and or text each other almost daily, send emails, and have spent a couple of whole weekends together. He has just informed that he wants to end our relationship because he is getting married. Besides sex, we spend alot of time discussing different aspects of our lives, but never once in four years has he ever told me he had a girlfriend. He has apparently had her for over two years and they have decided to marry and he doesnt want to start his new life cheating. I can understand all of that, except that im devastated that I may lose a person who is very important to my life, even though i didnt know it. He has told me he loves me and would give up the other girl if he and i were to be together full time. He is asking me to give up my marriage, my family, everything for him. i love him very much but I think I love him as my lover and confidant. Could he be making up this " marriage " to try to trick me into leaving my husband? This entire relationship has been easy going and unencumbered up until now and i love it, and perhaps I have had the best of both worlds too long and the worlds are colliding......
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2007): I sooo hope you get this .....I am in the same situation...exceptI am married...13 years...:-(
I knew about my lover's girlfriend all along. He just chose to propose recently. It feels really strange. We spent the day in bed then he went and asked her to marry him??? Too weird...How do you do that??? I am the one attached...he doesn't want thisngs to change...I will have to wait and see if this new revelation changes things.
If going from girlfriend to wife makes a diference. We already have to be more cautious with our texts and phonecalls...things will change whether he wants it to or not....
Do I think he was tricking you???? No...I think he wanted you and just didn't want to be alone while he was away from you. You have a pretty full life when he isn't around. Should he just sit and wait? So I think it can work if he gives it a shot....but you should NOT leave your husband......try to have both before you decide to leave.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2007): I think you should sit back and forget about this lover of yours. If he has a girlfriend and they are going to get married then i would feel dirty, tricked and deceited by him. How will your husband react if he finds out? Your marriage will be over and you could then could to this lover and discover that he doesnt want you either. I have to say that i have been the little wife at home before when my first husband had three affairs, its not funny to find out after!! If you feel hurt then all i can say is, it serves you right, sorry to be so blunt but that is how i feel. You have had your cake and ate it for long enough, now bow out of the picture and if he has a girlfriend and they are to be married, then let them be happy with you totally out of the picture.
If you are bored then maybe put some effort into your own marriage.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, Manya +, writes (8 October 2007):
My gut reaction is to say that you should stay with your husband. You haven't told us much about your marriage, but six years is a long time! You only
see this other guy once a month, so it seems like it's not on an equal basis with your
day-to-day marriage. Perhaps your lover's desire to end the affair is the best thing that could happen because it may save your marriage!
Affairs are bound to have an ending, sad to say!
If you were truly close, wouldn't you have sensed this other person? I can see where you may have thought he made it up. I think your first step should be to
get to the bottom of whether this other woman in fact exists! Who is she, and
shouldn't she be furious about you? This guy sounds deceitful.
Good luck and hope you find the solution for the greatest good!
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A
female
reader, Cupcake  +, writes (8 October 2007):
 Nobody can tell you what to do here but you. Its how you feel.. What person do you feel more strongly towards... And also you have to understand you would be leaving your husband for a cheater. If this man your seeing on the side has a girlfriend and is cheating, are you ok with him doing the same to you if you leave your husband. Not that your in a strong place to really say since your cheating to. You should really be trying to work things out with your husband and quit cheating on this man, go to marriage coucelling if your marriage is rocky but do not resort in cheating. But i guess its to late for that. But with whatever you choose to do good luck!
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