A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm really hoping people can give me some insight on this because I'm beyond hurt right now. I dated a guy I'll call Sam for about a year and a half. We broke up but acted like we still were together. I went away to college and he told me he wanted to end things completely because he couldn't handle the distance. Sam went through a lot our first semester in college and I was there for him literally every night, almost always putting his problems before my own schoolwork.During breaks, we would still hook up and act like we were together. We would go out to dinner and he would pay for me, etc.. When I first got home for the summer, Sam seemed like he was only using me for sex. We never went out and he always hung out with other people and made excuses when I begged to do something other than sex. I finally dragged it out of him that he likes a coworker of his whom he originally told me that he never could like. He told me that I was much more pretty than she was and she had nothing over me and not to worry. The reason it hurt so much was because up until the day he told me that, he was still saying he loved me and wanted to be with me forever!! We had said I love you very early in our relationship, which was one of the reasons I felt it was ok to have sex with him. I'm now completely regretting that and wishing I had waited until someone really loved me. Last night he told me he had lied to me for two years because he "thought" he loved me but really didn't. After two years of telling each other we loved the other person and honestly believing that we were soul mates, I'm devastated to think he lied to me! I really feel like I can't move on from him because I gave him everything I possibly could have. I'm so hurt and confused. How does someone not know whether they love each other or not! How can I move on and stop loving him? Please help!
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broke up, co-worker, I love you, move on, soul mates, soulmate Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone for taking the time to write me a response. Reading them confirmed that I need to stop wasting my time on him. I've deleted him from facebook and blocked his number so neither of us will be tempted to contact each other. Thanks again you guys.. it really means a lot to me that complete strangers took time to help me & provide insight when I desperately needed it :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2010): at one point in a girls life we all feel strongly about a male/female. as you grow up you will look at this in a different way. you will think back and say... was i really like that ?? whyy did i love him/her so much. the truth is your the one that needs to figure out how to get over him. we all have our different ways.
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A
female
reader, lah mouw +, writes (19 June 2010):
 Don't be hurt! BE ANGRY! Look at what he did to you! don't focus on the good stuff he did focus on the big lie he created. I've heard that in bad ending relationships where people were angry, they've gotten over the person quicker than being sad over what's happened. Most people grieve the loss of relationships for the wrong reasons. Mostly because they no longer have a companion, someone to love/someone who loves them. But you don't necessarily need that in one dude. You have all of that in your friends and family. Don't waste your time being sad over someone who didn't even care about you! There are so many more people out there that you will find and will be happy about!
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A
female
reader, supersteph +, writes (19 June 2010):
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. It's always hard when someone you really care for doesn't turn out how we expected them to be. Perhaps, he did love you at one time. However, the way he is treating you NOW is unacceptable. This guy just sounds like he wasn't ready to handle the long distance. Don't allow him to have sex with you, again. Keep yourself occupied. Go out with friends, play games, exercise, get out of the house. If you feel like calling him, figure out a trigger to stop you from doing so. (Walk around your block once, take a drive, etc.) This isn't fun, but delete him from your facebook, myspace, etc. If you feel you can be friends later in life, tell him you need time to get over everything and that you'll contact him when you're ready. Most of all, take care of you. You are top priority now and it's time for some healing, honey! You will be able to move past it and along and there will be another. It might not feel like it, but there is someone out there who will treat you kinder, respect you for you, and love you truly. I promise.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 June 2010):
 Love is not an all or nothing deal. It would be a lie if he didn't love you even a bit. You probably loved him much more than he loved you. He lied about the coworker because you were so dear to him and he didn't want to lose you yet. He said he lied about loving you because he wanted you to give up on him quickly so he would feel no guilt or hangups dating other girls.
Some people believe that it's happier to love than to be loved. To fall in love is to take a risk. It's all too common to love a person and get nothing in return. If your partner returns your love, then you are the luckiest person in the world.
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A
male
reader, twinlab99 +, writes (19 June 2010):
 YOu're young and you're going to learn and grow from this. My suggestion is that you cut off all ties, and communication. Everything! Nadda. And move on. If he texts you ignore it. If he calls, don't answer, if he e=mails you don't reply. Block him.
He's young and he wants to sow his wild oats. That's how most men are. If you're the type that is not, thats fine, but you cna't expect him to be the same way...... I think as you get older you'll realize men and women get stuck in this at least once in their lives.
So move on.....because he ain't gonna be commited. And you can't expect him to. It hurts I know, but realize your self worth, who you are, and what you can offer your future husband...
Wow I shoudl write a column...
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