A
male
age
30-35,
*hadow_Phathom_of_the_Opera
writes:First off, sorry I'm long winded again.From an earlier question, this is the same girl I have known, and has saved my life, yet is so "swamped" and puts her work first before anything. If you wish to look through my first question I ever asked, that make give you more information on how to answer this.Since then, she's moved away from this state I lived in, and is in college in Chicago, (parallel to the state I live in). I feel confident this time, and I know I can do it, but again, she's not available very often, due to her work.Extra Info: She hasn't added me to her Facebook. She claims that she doesn't have time to check her Facebook, but technically, I can tell that she is on every other day, because she adds another friend, or she "likes" a group, movie, song, etc. We still do keep in touch my email, but it's more like monthly I hear back from her. A friend of mine told her her last status which was posted mid October said "This Eco-science report I have to write is completely ridiculous. =(" Thus confirming she is still swamped, and doesn't have a lot of time.~Getting down to the most important information... Knowing she is also a good 100 miles away from me, I can't just ask her on a date at anytime I want. It would have to be spur of the moment, because if I tried to ask her out on a planned time it would give her enough time to back out of it (which she'll find something to get busy on, because she's too nice to lie to people). However, it couldn't be so spur of the moment that she would say no because I don't want to scare her. Seeing as the best way to keep in touch with her is via her aunt, and I talk to her Aunt at least weekly, her aunt told me that she comes back into town for only a single day to work at her Aunt's shop before she goes driving back to Chicago, and it's usually on a arbitrary basis. I would have to ask her out in her shop, right when she'd get out of work... and it would have to be asap. The problem is that she's unpredictable when she will comes into town. Also, may I not forget to add that where her hometown is, well, is 35 miles away from where I live (her aunt's shop located there as well), and it would create quite a snafu trying to arrange a good date for all the good places I know are in my hometown, and I'd have to go out onto her playing field. Time is a very important aspect in her life, so she is always on the move, and it would mean there is only enough time to hang out for one hour. In her hometown, there is hardly anything to do for fun there. It's essentially an empty town with just houses, and dollar stores. I live out in the countryside city area, which means there is a ton of things to do out here (from bowling, to ice skating. From restaurants, to a movie theater). Between her hometown and mine is nothing but a highway, and farming plantations... so this makes it harder to plan something that is good, yet closely enough to her hometown. I know as well we both like to skate (she's more of a rollerblader, but heck, Ice skating is the same thing, only colder, and it gives a good excuse to hold hands), and I think that would be a great opportunity to hang out (because it's more fun than walking through buying useless objects at a dollar store she's probably been in at least a hundred times), but it's the only ice skating arena withing a 80 mile radius, located where I live! It's also getting too cold outside here for any outdoor fun (so mini golf or a picnic is out of the question).With all those factors in mind, I am going to summarize this question. She's so distant, and then, suddenly, back in my state for only 24 hours, and now, how do I ask her out on short notice, and how do I find a good place to take her that would be in my reach, without me having to go too far, as well as not having to drag her too far? When should I ask her out? How can I find out sooner that she'll be in town? How should I ask her out? Is there ANYTHING ELSE you can tell me, besides give up?In short, how do I make my move with such limited time and resources?
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male
reader, Shadow_Phathom_of_the_Opera +, writes (11 November 2010):
Shadow_Phathom_of_the_Opera is verified as being by the original poster of the question Another thing..... again, she saved my life... and I wouldn't be alive today if it wasn't for her. I want to try, even if it means risking everything, because she stole my heart saving me. Because of that, she has my undying love. I just want to ask her out once, so that way, I feel complete. Like I can move on from her.
Another thing about the Facebook, Another friend of her's told me that she is only on Facebook for hardly 5 minutes if anything before she logs off, so I wouldn't blame her if she didn't add me just yet. Let alone, she has at least over 100 friend requests sent to her, so I'm probably near the bottom of the list.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 November 2010):
 Sorry ,OP, I am with Aunt Honesty.
Even a very busy person will MAKE time to see someone she is interested in. The person may will have to blow you off once or twice or maybe three times, but at the third time she would be afraid of sending the wrong signals , or of missing her chance, and she'd do some rescheduling or special effort to meet up with you.
Also, if a person is just a bit interested, she will propose an alternative date if she has to cancel what you had planned. Like," too bad I can't make it tonight... or Saturday... what about on the 20th ?"
Believe me, when there is a will there is a way. This girl is polite, does not want to hurt your feelings, and probably DOES feel some affection for you- as a friend.
She also refused your friendship on FB, apparently because she "is never on it ", which you know not to be true, in fact she uses it quite often. So, the reason why she did
not want to add you as a friend, much probably is because she does not want you to be able to keep tabs on her, and see what she does, where she goes and with whom. She wants to keep you out of her social life - without antagonizing you or being too forceful.
I suspect you what we say won't deter you for keeping pursuing her, and in a way I admire your devotion and persistence- but tread lightly, if you become TOO persistent she may even give up being so polite to you !
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A
male
reader, Shadow_Phathom_of_the_Opera +, writes (10 November 2010):
Shadow_Phathom_of_the_Opera is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ aunt honesty:
She does like me, and she would give me a chance, but I have to get everything perfectly timed and planned. When I hugged her last time, and I whispered in her ear I missed her, she said very affectionately "I miss you too." There is no doubt about it that she likes me, she just is a very busy girl who puts her work first. The thin is I would have to act quick if I wanted to see her sometime soon, and hang out.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 November 2010):
 Hi if am 100% honest with you, which i am going to be weather you like it or not i dont think you should ask her out, it sounds to me like she is not interested in you, and also the distance wouldnt work. She has a busy life therefore i doubt she has no time to be dating.
Also she hasnt replied to your friend request on facebook even though she has been on it, this shows that she does not want you as a friend on it probably because she doesnt want you to see what she is doing and when she is coming home, am sorry but i really dont think this girl is interested in you at all. You even said yourself if you planned a date with plenty of time she would find a way to back out of it, you no deep down yourself that this girl doesnt want to date you.
I think you need to put your attention off her and on to someone else who might like you in return. This girl is being polite towards you that is all and i think you need to give up now before you end up scaring her completely and also getting yourself hurt. Goodluck.
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