A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I love my boyfriend 5 months. We are both virgins but engage in oral sex. My problem is the blowjob. FYI I love to please him. I've given him 6 complete ones so far. (there were others in between but dont count because we were distracted interrupted etc.) The first two were nice but awkward--he came i gagged a little. I think i was self consious. The third was Awesome-he came but warned me. I swallowed we both enjoyed it very much!! The next ones were ok. Thats my problem--he tends to doze off, he is rock hard, closes his eyes murmurs im doing wonderful. But i haven't been able to get him to come again, he has to use his hand to get close to coming, then i take over.He has never complained. He is kind loving very considerate. When I told him I felt bad about not being able to finish he was very sweet and told me not to worry that I am doing great. Today he suggested we watch a little porn to help us out. I'm so confused. A little hurt. I'm not against porn but I want to figure out how to make it better without a visual aid. Am I overreacting?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 April 2011):
 when you give him a blow job you could introduce some nice anal play into it. if not full blown penetration with your finger(s) then stroking rubbing or pressure
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2011): IMO porn once introduced to the bedroom is hard to get out of the bedroom. So I avoid it, and it has not come up. Why do you need porn in a relationship so new? I can sorta see it older relationship for a bit of 'spice' as they say. In regards to how many times a man comes... well for some 'one and I am done' is how they are. I am that way as a woman. I only require one orgasm per event. I am older (50's) as is my man, but I've always been that way. Though more orgasms has happened too, I just let it flow. Sometimes we surprise ourselves with multiples but don't force it......
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female
reader, shakeria  +, writes (12 November 2010):
you're not alone. i have been with my bf for two years and i reallly enjoy giving him a BJ and i had only made him come about 4 times from it. if your bf isnt complaining then he's enjoying it. try other tecniques try humming while you're doin it, try sucking a mint or a bit of toothpaste. get creative and keep it exciting. once i figured those tricks it blew his mind :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010): u r not over reacting this is not normal. i was in a relationship once when the guy just couldnt come it would take forever and it was my first relationship so i didnt know what to excpect. but after when i had broken up with him and had a nother boyfriend i was suprised and delighted that he came within minutes. 2 words: get out!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010): I'm perhaps one of those rare guys who enjoys and cums more from blowjobs than sex. Probably because SHE is doing more of the moving, and there are many things at play...tongue, lips, hands and eyes. Maybe try a bit more sensation and find what he likes...ask him. I've had girlfriends who focus too much on the head, others who play with my balls too much. Every guy is different in what he likes. Your relationship is new, and you just have to find his likes and dislikes and not take it personally. I'm sure what you are doing is good (besides, is there such a thing as a BAD blowjob? I've never had one that was BAD)
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (12 November 2010):
 If he "tends to doze off" during a blow job there is no hope,porn won't help. Gawd!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2010): You are reacting (not overreacting) to this in the way you are because it is... quite simply not normal behavior. Once again, porn has perhaps 'ruined' yet another man. Before the age of mainstream porn, men had to go out of their way to buy the stuff. Videos, etc... were not available everywhere. It was a dark place reserved for 'adult' stores, the back room of a video store or on the shelves of a magazine section. They had to walk in, call it what it was, and do it in a semi public way. So the access wasn't there. It's not that the guys weren't using it then, but it was limited. That's the age I grew up and dated in. In my dating and sexual experience before marriage... I can tell you HANDS DOWN I never... I mean never... encountered anything like this. As a matter of fact (and as strange as it sounds) I never dated anyone who asked for a blow job, asked for us to use porn to get the sexual high, etc.. Never once. Girls who were putting out in ways that are commonplace today were labeled 'whores' and used as castaways. Porn... well, I've never even watched it.Turning men on was pretty easy stuff back in the day (apparently as compared to nowadays). I would have to peel them off of me. Arousing them? Techniques? Dressing up? Nope. A regular date... I'd have to beat them off of me. Thanks to porn things have changed. Now guys cut their teeth on other wordly, over the top unreal experiences portrayed by sicko producers and actors. A guy's head gets pretty screwed up... in short order.Let's put it this way, if this is going on within 5 months of dating... you are headed for a nightmare. Get out of this relationship. You may care about him but the fact is that he is sexually dysfunctional. This is not normal for a male. Everything I experienced in my life says this isn't normal. Porn twists their brain's neural pathways so that actual real sex... becomes a let down.Is the answer to do it like a porn star? Hell no. You should be doing it between you according to what comes naturally... Getting a guy to cum shouldn't be acrobatic routines of touching this and that with syncopation. If a man requires that much stimulation in order to perform sexually... he is messed up. Where will this relationship with a sexually dysfunctional male go? Well do a fast forward. If I were out in the market again... dating... I would have walked away from him faster than a jackrabbit. I wouldn't want to invest myself with a sexually damaged male. The life that yields would be horrible.To give you some idea of what my experiences with males has been... I'll share some personal stuff. Just making out with a man... not touching him in any way other than hands on his shoulders, arms, back... they came in their pants.... and were embarrassed by it. Now, I'm very attractive... but come on. Sensations are sensations. I've never dressed up, performed syncopated movements to stimulate him... I always thought that was reserved for the guys who were impotent... But again, porn makes guys impotent. You'd never hear them say or admit that... but that is the deal. They think they're being all manly and sexual... but they can't perform sexually after porn gets its tentacles around their minds. It messes them up sexually... they don't see it because they are lost in the fog.I will say this again... If you have to perform so many acts in order to turn a man on and/or reach sexual orgasm... there is something VERY WRONG with him. He may not have started out that way, but he sure ended up that way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2010): No, you're not overreacting, it makes sense that you would feel a little hurt by this. But instead of using porn, try spicing it up a little, use different methods and techniques...
Depending on your limmits there are alot of different ways to get him worked up enough that cumming won't be a problem. Start off with putting him on the bed, make him lay down. Even though this is'nt the "usual" way to do this, it will put you in more control and force him to give in to you. Just rub the outside of his pants while gently kissing him on the lips, once he's hard enough, slowly kiss down his body while youre still looking into his eyes. Don't completely take off his pants, just enough so you can have the necessaties out, this way his legs are trapped...
Thats just the foreplay that gets him more excited so that when the actual stuff comes, he would be really anticipating it. Start off with your mouth, swirl your tongue around the tip, on the head. Then slowly take as much as you can in up and down a few times. The key is to not go slow to fast then come right away. You need to go slow, then fast to a point where he's really excited, then slow again then fast and all the way. This makes the come build up enough that he can actually come...
For things to spice it up a bit, try wearing a sexy outfit so when you go down on him the only thing he can think of is getting under that outfit. Try taking your shit off and wearing a lacy red or black bra, even try teasing him a bit by rubbing his penis against your boobs. Another thing my boyfriend loves is when I take my tongue and gently apply pressure to the tip of his penis...
hope this helps!
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (11 November 2010):
 dirtball is..err..on the ball, for lack of a better word?
Getting a guy to come from only a BJ is not easy at the best of times. Use your own hands more. Handjobs are more of an art than blowjobs but have more definite rewards.
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female
reader, fishdish +, writes (10 November 2010):
 If it takes his hand to get him close, maybe you should be working on your hand job technique?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2010): LOOL at dirtball the dude is literally dead on balls accurate there :)...I mirror him on this. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (10 November 2010):
 No, you're not overreacting. I suggest that instead of porn, you become his visual stimuli. While you're giving the blowjob, look him in the eyes. Tell him you love it. Keep him engaged. Maybe try a 69. If you're not naked or topless, you should be so he can play with you while you're going down on him.
You're not doing anything wrong. I actually have a lot of trouble having an orgasm from a blowjob alone even though they generally feel better to me than sex. Try changing things up. Play with his balls. Use your hands or breasts to aid your mouth. There is so much you can do down there to keep it interesting that I think reality will be better for him than porn. Good luck.
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