A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hello. i slept with my best mates sister the other day. im 20 shes 18 it was just a drunken mistake at a party. but she thinks were together how can let her down gently and without her family finding out. also make thing worse she was a virgin. plz help asap
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for helping guys , i really appriechiate it. by the was not planning to have sex that night . i just wanted to ask girl out who ive liked for a couple of months.but when i woke up in bed naked and could hear someone in the shower i was over the moon but then the sister came in. i was thinking to my self. oh f***!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2011): Well I'm a girl but I'd say it's not entirely your fault. Its not like did something unthinkable, or cheated on her. Well if you said L word or made any promises before luring her into your bed that's different story. Other than that its techinically not your fault. She knew what was going on and I assume she made her mind to lose her virginity to you unless she was smashed and put herself into whatever is going on then, which is also her choice eventually. You guys are young yet grownups which means nobody always look after you. She made a bad choice obviously given the circumstance but you dont have to take any blame on that. It surely would be nice thing to do that you confront her and talk about what really happened honestly though. Show her respect and feel sorry for her, thats at most you can do. You cant get tied up with a girl youre not even interested in, can you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2011): Eliminate alcohol completely from your life and you'll have none of these problems.Regards
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male
reader, supersuper  +, writes (19 March 2011):
 These other replies are pretty harsh considering they don't even know you. My advice to you is to go out on a few low key dates whee you have a chance to talk. When you talk, talk about anything except for sex. If it doesn't work out, both you and her will feel it and it will be much easier to move on and have no hatred between you. It's good to experience everything when you are young, even if it's awkward. Just do what you think is right and keep your mind and heart open to anyone willing to accept you.
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female
reader, youngandrestless  +, writes (19 March 2011):
 you cant, its plain and simple, she is going to get hurt, and you are most likely going to lose a friend over it. but you need to face your mistake! i understand that you wre drunk and not thinking properly but whats done is done! yes she thinks your together, a girl losing her virginity is very suseptible and is very emotional. its not a simple thing to do! she has obviously had feelings for you for a long time, and to give you her virginity was her way of showing it. and she believes that since you so willingly took it, you feel the same way. im not saying you should be with her, if you really have no feelings for her, then dragging it out will just be cruel, but you have to realize that you messed up hardcore! she is going to be hurt, she is going to tell her brother, or someone else will, and her family will be very upset with you. there is no easy way out of this. you need to man up, grow some balls and take responsablity, no matter what form it takes.
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female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (19 March 2011):
 Sorry but where I am from we teach our boys not to get in the backseat with a girl they aren't prepared to marry.
And being drunk is no excuse. So I don't see how dating her for a few weeks is to much of a sacfrifice to make.
He shouldn't get to do that and walk off scott free should he????
A girl always remembers her first, so I guess the real question is... how does he want to be remembered?
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (19 March 2011):
 "hello. i slept with my best mates sister the other day. im 20 shes 18 it was just a drunken mistake at a party. but she thinks were together how can let her down gently and without her family finding out. also make thing worse she was a virgin. plz help asap"
Okay, yeah, you have two big problems.
The biggest one is your best friend. You know that using and discarding your best friend's sister is a very bad idea. I know that if my brother's best friend had done that to me and then dropped me, my brother would have killed him. Hell, I had a bad boyfriend who WASN'T my brother's friend, and he wanted to kill him anyways.
So, that being said, the other thing was her virginity. How did you not know that she was a virgin? Were you too drunk to notice that sex was most likely uncomfortable and possibly painful for her? Also, what else didn't you realize when you were drunk? Was the sex unprotected as well? Did anyone use a condom??
You know, you shouldn't face life by getting into trouble and then wanting to find a way to wiggle out of trouble and slink away. It is time to grow up. I understand having fun and having sex, but getting drunk, using a friend, and then wanting to throw her away is the epitome of immaturity.
I think you should apologize to her, and apologize to your best friend. Why, you ask? Because when you were drunk, you led her on to believe that you were wanting more than sex from her. You did that so you could go to bed with her. Guys say what girls want to hear because telling someone "Hey let's hook up and then not call again" would get you a case of blue balls right away.
Apologize for misleading her, and let her vent on you. She was not smart to do that without deciding whether you were worth it (you weren't), and she thought since she knew you for a bit, you would treat her differently.
I understand the logic and justice of continuing to date her and being open to a possible relationship, but in truth, she doesn't deserve a selfish overgrown adolescent boy for a boyfriend.
Next time you want a one night stand, stick to someone you don't know and don't lead them on. And stay AWAY from the siblings of friends. Seriously. They are off limits in terms of objectifying and using them. Being drunk is no excuse.
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female
reader, shiori +, writes (19 March 2011):
Try something. Try to find what you like about her. If that doesn't work, let her down gently. Just tell her that you were desperately looking for someone to hold that night, and you couldn't stand it anymore. then tell her that you don't want that anymore, and dump her gently. If that doesn't work, then i don't know. hope that helps.
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female
reader, Blod +, writes (19 March 2011):
 I disagree with GeeGee255. It doesn't matter what you do, you'll probably end up breaking her heart. I'd rather someone tell me straight if they're not interested than being led on. So even if it's difficult, try to stop it going any further now. It'll be better in the long-run. It will be really hard especially as it was her first time. No matter what you say she'll feel cheated. So tell her face to face, be sensitive but firm. She needs to know where she stands, but be gentle with her. I'm sorry I can't help anymore. Good luck!
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male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (19 March 2011):
Being drunk is not an excuse. What you did being drunk is the same you wanted to do before drinking. So you've got what you wanted from her and we are supposed to help you dumping her? Let her down gently? What are you talking about?
In the other hand she's 18 and I reckon she knew you for a while now. So she knew what she could expect from you. And of course anyone know that having sex don't make a relationship official (like a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship).
I guess you better talk to her and make clear that having sex is not dating. And let her know that a proper relationship doesn't start with two people having sex. At least in my own experience when a relationship starts like that it never goes to other level than sex-only-level.
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (19 March 2011):
Looks like you have a new girlfriend, enjoy!
Seriously though, is there anything you don't like about her when not drunk that makes her bad girlfriend material? If not... Why not date her for a bit and see how things go?
If you don't even try you'll probably break her heart, after all no girl wants to know she gave her virginity to a drunken louse that couldn't run away fast enough after he woke up.
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