A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am a married woman who had a affair with another man four years ago. We both broke it off (more like he did as he saw somone else with out telling me.) I love my husband dearly and our life is much better now with all this behind me. The problem is I still think of this other man and I never had closure with him. It really bothers me because he hurt me deeply. I try not to but I get flash backs of us when we were intimate mostly when im having sex with my husband. It makes me feel like im still cheating on him. I want to move on but how can I?
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affair, married woman, move on Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your support and advise you guys are absolutley right its time to put it all behind me. It really dosent matter for me to find closure now. I dont owe him and he owes me nothing also. I will focus on my marriage and not waste it on the past. I would like to thank everyone for giving me a good helpful dose of reality. Happy New Year !!!!
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (3 January 2010):
 Does your husband kow about the affair?
You know there is some irony here. Your lover cheated on the person he was cheating with who was cheating on her husband. You mention your life is much better now and you love your husband dearly. Can you not get the closure you need by seeing that the cheating ended, you're happy with your husband, marriage is better etc? That should be enough to put this chapter behind you. What would you like this man to tell you? I suspect he cheated because cheaters like to cheat. It's better to let this go and move on. There is no way that anyone can make this affair a good thing. Maybe since you're happy at home again, you can view this hurt as the price you pay for cheating. It has been a lesson learned. To go back to this person for closure, even contacting him for anything, would be like cheating again or opening up an old wound. You would be validating his status in your life and giving his input some amount of worth. Why he cheated on you is worthless information and if you're really happy with your husband that should be enough and you would not care why this other guy cheated on you. Imagine if you told your husband you cheated, begged for forgiveness, promised you'd never do it again, told him that you were happy with him BUT.... you just needed to contact the other guy to find out why he left you for someone else.
Do you see my point. Maybe the sex was good, that is mechanical response to being stimulated. This comes as no surprise. This is part of you now and you have to accept it happened and deal with it.
What do you think? Do you feel slighted because he chose someone else over you? Remember, it's not your husband's fault you chose to cheat on him. He has my sympathy. It's not your fault the other guy chose to cheat on you but youget less sympathy because it was an affair. Do you see my point. You should rejoice it's over, not be concerned about why it ended.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (3 January 2010):
The man used you. He saw that you were unhappy in a marriage so used you. He didn't care about, but your husband does. That's your closure. Don't waste time on a guy from the past who used you then moved on, when you have a husband who loves you. Work on your marriage. The more you work on it, the more likely you'll forget about this other guy.
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