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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi, I am 40 years old and I have been married for 09 years. I don´t have no children. I have been living a very unhappy life because I came to live since 2002 with my husband to his home town and he is suffering because his both parents are old and sick, plus he has a retarded brother. My husband is the type of men that doesn´t want me to work and I stay home. My life seems to go no where. I have been telling him that I want to leave him and he always makes he feel bad about that. I´m afraid that he is mentally dominating me and I just can´t let him do that. Please, help me! ¿What can I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2006): In my situation I believe that the best thing to do is leave my husband. My husband has been a verbally abusive man and he doesn´t listen and is blind to problems. He has become the guardian angel to the three sick members of his family, but he is not alone because he has three more brothers and doesn´t let them help. The brothers have kids, and we don´t. My agony and fear for the past years has been that if I leave my husband of 9 years I will not find another love, end very lonely and my age that I am 40! I accept that we as a married couple have become very unhappy together and that he believes that I have a problem and not him. He won´t go with me to find help, so there is nothing to do. I need the power to pack my bags and go away, but how??? Thanks so much for the advice, I am very happy to read them.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2006): In my situation I think that the best thing to do is to leave my husband. My husband believes that we as a married couple have to be together in good or bad situations, but he doesn´t listens or goes blind of what our life has become together. Now his life are his three members of his family that are sick. He is not alone, he has other sisters & brothers that can help, but he has become their guardian angel. I am afraid that because being 40 I won´t find another man to love me and to be lonely! That really has been hunting me for years. Time goes by and I know in my heart that my life with my husband of 09 years in so very unhappy and no way he will go with me to find help, he thinks that I am the one that has a problem and not him. I know that I have to put all my internal power to go away, but all my fears stops me...Thanks to all for the advice, I am very happy to read them!
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A
female
reader, juliagulia  +, writes (21 March 2006):
 You have to have a life, too. You only get one and you shouldn't spend it living for someone else because they make you feel guilty. If he can't accept the fact that you need something else in your life to make you happy, then leave him and live for yourself. Life is so, so short when it comes down to it. Once you leave, your only regret will be that you didn't do it sooner.
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A
female
reader, Sexybum +, writes (21 March 2006):
 He is mentally dominating you. You should be able to choose what you do in your life not him. If you want to work, you should get a job and he'll have to accept it! We are not in the victorian times anymore this is the 21st century!!
Instead of demanding you to stay at home he should encourage you to follow your dreams, what are those marriage vows "through better or worse" etc. etc. For your own happiness love claim some independence! I don't for one second it will be easy and he will probably try to make it as hard for you as possible.
He will either have to accept the fact that you want job and a social life nad support you in it, like you support him, or he will have to face up to the fact that he loose you. Marriage is about comprimise NOT control!
Like I said I don't think it will be easy for you to change your life, but I do think it is definatly the right thing for you to do, and you are well within your rights to do so. You are NOT disrespecting your husband by doing so. He is disrespecting you by being so controlling! Please put your foot down and say to him, You either support me or loose me. Don't expect him to come round straight away, but once he sees you are serious, If he loves you, he will adjust and support.
Hey, you never know, you taking control, might even make you more attractive, turn him on, surprise him. The element of surprise is very valuable and can bring great things to those willing to use it and enjoy it.
Keep us updated on your situation, It will be interesting to see how it all pans out, Good luck
Sexybum x
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